Miss Diagnosis by ragu4u 1-02-10

She just keeps going..."ker-plunk, ker-plunk" and then stops. Well, I'm gonna have ta put er on the rack. The bill is $1000.00 plus tax, buddy. Put she's still making that "ker-plunk" sound. You need to put her back on the rack. How come when I"M riding you, you never make that "ker-plunk" sound'? I, truly, think my boyfriend is referring to an engine noise.

Father/Son-Talent Night by ragu4u 1-02-10

"...I got the whole world in my hands. I got the whole world in my hands." "I got the lil baby Jesus in my hands..." Dad & I just love the Kareoke machine we got for Christmas. "And I think it's gonna be a long, long time... ...till touchdown brings me round again to find...I'm not the man they think I am at home..."

Bull-1/ Matador-0 by ragu4u 1-03-10

Hey, Senor...Catalonia just voted to ban bull-fighting. Que? There will be no more "estocada" happening. What? I'm a rock star around here, because of that. What will I do now? First off, Pancho, I'd say learn to use a dust pan & look where you walk. Aye carumba. Hey Cisco, wait for me!!!

Hangin With Obama by ragu4u 1-03-10

Sir...they hung you in effigy near Plains, Georgia. Michelle says "I'm Hung" wherever I am, Rahm. Not the same, sir. Why not, man? Hung is hung. Well sir, in this case, you're being hung over a bridge. And damn that water is cold, too, Rahm.

Fleeting Glory by ragu4u 1-04-10

Dubai's New Office Tower Opens To Public... Hey, ain't that the world's tallest building over there? Not any more!

The Wig Party by ragu4u 1-04-10

Mr. President, everyone is so pleased that you named Amanda Simpson to a high position in the Commerce Dept. I'm glad to hear that, Rahm. Have you two spoken in private yet about what's next, sir? I plan to do that as soon as I can catch up with him in the ladies room.

2 Girls 1 Cup (Rehearsal) by ragu4u 1-04-10

Listen, she filled it so you know what you gotta do, right?

Bogie by ragu4u 1-05-10

Now Vivid Entertainment wants the rights to my sex tape. Are you gonna sell, Tiger? I thought the wife & I could watch them first. Ya know, spice up the marriage. Thank god you're good at golf.

A Catch-Phrase Is Born

They're wonderful! They're cool! They're tasty! They're great! They're Grrrrrr-ATE! Nope! Nope! Nope! Almost! BINGO!

by ragu4u, 1-06-10

Rationalizing by ragu4u 1-07-10

It's -2 windchill here in El Paso today. It's 32 degrees windchill here in Daytona Beach today. Al Gore's Office Just think how cold those fellas would be if it weren't for "global warming"!

New School Vs. Old School by ragu4u 1-07-10

How much did you say you paid for this 3D TV? The TV was free. The damn glasses were $500.00 a pair, I STILL can't see a darned thing. Turn it up a little.

The New "Twittering" Ford by ragu4u 1-08-10

Mr. Stickman, is this one of those new "Tweeting" Fords that are all the rage? Yes. As a matter of fact, you'll have to leave while they bring in the secret technolgy. I can hardly wait. Hands free "Twittering". This will be a yuppies dream car. Yo, Stickman! Can I install da boid now?

The Last Word by ragu4u 1-08-10

Brooklyn, NY...... I hear you scored 35K from the city when I arrested you for being a whore. That ought to teach you about false arrests, young man. So how ya gonna spend the loot? I think I'll open a brothel, asswipe!

"Let's Rock n Roll, Mamma"

The Day the Music Was Born... "To yee, I never held a candle..." Thank you, thank you very much.

by ragu4u, 1-08-10

R.I.P. Art Clokey 1/08/2010

He's gone. He's really gone. No way. He was Gumby, damnit!

by ragu4u, 1-09-10

Priorities by ragu4u 1-09-10

We interrupt this program. A few moments ago, twenty miles off the coast of Ferndale California.... ...there was a 6.5 earthquake reported. We do not yet have a definite damage report in... Hey, you! You don't interrupt my Lawrence Welk!

An Appropriate Response by ragu4u 1-10-10

So Rahm, I hear Senator Reid feels I don't speak "Negro". Will you be dignifying that with a response, sir? "Fo shizzle ma nizzle." You're joking, right sir? Jump back, my nigga. I'm tryin to represent here. Oh...well in that case....I'll just head back to my crib, sir.

The Set-Up by ragu4u 1-10-10

Will I like this guy you fixed me up with for dinner? Believe me...you'll find this a night to remember. What the...? Oh no you don't! Hark! Return hither, wench!

Sex-Tech by ragu4u 1-11-10

In the Porn Arcade... Do you carry the new porn robot "Roxxxy"? I want to take her in the back & try her out. Yup. Just got a bunch in, but go easy on her. Yaaahh! Owww, owww! What the hell? She, freakin, bit me! You devil, you.

She's Got A Lot To Learn by ragu4u 1-11-10

We here at FOX News wish to welcome Sarah Palin as a regular contributor. Thanks Shep. Have you had any real news experience, Sarah? Did you, maybe, cover "The Iditarod"? "Iditarod", Shep?   ?   I thought that was a verb in "Porno-Speak".

Can't Get No Satisfaction by ragu4u 1-12-10

One for "Avatar", please. OK...One for that stupid, dumb, waste of money Geek flick, Avatar. That'll be $10.00 Hey...I wanna see your manager. Sure...wait here, nerd! Listen, your cashier... Are you the dumb Geek who wants to waste his money on this stupid "Avatar" flick?

Rule Brittania by ragu4u 1-12-10

I can't believe Simon is leaving American Idol. Good riddance to that sappy British faggot. Oh my! British faggot, huh? Take this. Nice job. I don't think he should have called Simon a fag, either. Oh Simon's a fag alright but I won't put up with an insult to Britain.

A Star is Born by ragu4u 1-12-10

Yeah, I'm the balloon boy's dad. What about it? How'd you blow up that balloon, pal? With my mouth. Oh , you're gonna be real popular around here. Popular enough to get my own TV show? The Networks can't show that stuff but cable will suck it up...so to speak.

Coconut & Lime by ragu4u 1-13-10

"You put de lime in de coconut, go'in down town." What the..? "You put de lime in de coconut, oops about to slip down." Damned if you Haitians aren't a resilient bunch.

The Time-Keeper by ragu4u 1-13-10

So at 10am EST tomorrow, they move "The Doomsday Clock"? Quite so, old chap. I say, do you feel it will be a radical move? Nah. Probably just from the living room to the dining room. How the Yanks ever defeated us is a mystery to me!