Definitely NOT "Motorheads" by ragu4u 1-14-10

Son, look at Haiti down there. Yeah, pop. Ya know they're blaming you for all that? Uh huh. Biblical proportions, they say. How off the mark is THAT? Its not like something important got devastated. You mean like Detroit? IMPORTANT! I said "important", pop. Jeez!

Dropping the "Z" Bomb

Hi. Jeff Zucker here. Can I program a late night line up for your TV network? No way. Not after you "zucked up" NBC so badly!

by ragu4u, 1-14-10

Settling In by ragu4u 1-15-10

Hi! I'm Tiger Woods. Is this the sex rehab clinic I'm signed up to attend? Why, yes. Why is there a dead guy here? In layman's terms..."He blew a rod." I imagine there's a lot of "rod blowing" going on in a sex clinic. So your driver swings both ways, does it?

Affluence by ragu4u 1-15-10

What do you wanna do? I dunno. What do you wanna do. Hey, I got it. Let's watch all the Hatians starve on CNN. Great idea. "There is mass starvation everywhere, Wolff." Hey dude, throw some steaks on the grill. It's just starting to get good.

The Heat Is On by ragu4u 1-16-10

Yeah, I'm Danny Glover. What about it? I'm trying to hail a cab here. Did you really say global warming caused the quake in Haiti? Sure did. Say, are you feeling kinda warm all the sudden? No, not particu... Seconds Later How bout now? I'd forget about that cab, if I were you.

"At the Movies" With Generation (R) by ragu4u 1-16-10

*sniff, sob* Don't take it so hard, dear. It was only a movie. But he NEVER felt the joy of sex. That's sad. C'mon...the film was from the 50's. Nobody had sex in "Forbidden Planet". But Robby was such a hunk. I'm getting all oily just thinking about him. Let's get home dear and you can grease MY crank shaft.

Book Smart/Street Stupid by ragu4u 1-16-10

Hey, Hesse, You give me $65 and I give you a tour of the hood. Do you take Discover Card? You bet I do. Oh, what the hell...OK, here you go. 1 Hour Passes & Still NO Tour... All you did was ask if he took Discover, right? Yes, but I really didn't think I needed to ask if he planned to give it back.

Vive la... by ragu4u 1-16-10

We surrender! We surrender!

Upstaged

So, Mr. Kubrick, all I do is just beat the bones on the ground & look real mean? Shoot! He always gets the dramatic parts.

by ragu4u, 1-17-10

Awards Night

So, you mean the "Golden Globes" weren't named after Mariah Carey's boobs? Probably not.

by ragu4u, 1-18-10

Home Decor 101 by ragu4u 1-18-10

I hope this helps. It should. At "Chuck's Home Furnishings" Did your wife give you the necessary color information, sir? Kinda...maybe.. And...? Well, the carpet does match the drapes. That is what you needed, right?

Opposites Attract by ragu4u 1-18-10

Well, did you celebrate "Dr. Martin Luther King Day" properly? Celebrate? Yes! Properly? Not so much.

I respect your dedication.

The Illiterati

Looks like the GOP may get Ted Kennedy's seat today. What they want wit dat stinkin ass, decaying piece o butthole?

by ragu4u, 1-19-10

In Old Cape Cod by ragu4u 1-19-10

Mass. 1/19/2010 Election Night Did you hear that? Yup. Ted Kennedy just rolled over in his grave.

Not So Fast by ragu4u 1-20-10

It says here that the Haitians have a severe shortage of.... Shortage of what? I'll give, no matter what. I wanna help. What? What? ...chickens for their Voodoo rituals. Pagan bastards.

"The Joy of NOT Cooking" by ragu4u 1-20-10

Just Before Cremation What a waste. These humans need to... "Think Sushi". mmmmm!

Take Me Out To The BULL Game by ragu4u 1-20-10

1989 Here we are with Mark McGuire. Mark have you, or would you ever use PED's? PE, whats? A Decade Later Here we are with Mark McGuire. Mark have you, or would you ever use PED's? Let's not dwell on the past. Another Decade Later Here we are with Mark..... Ok, ok so I did it, so what? Now stop all this constant badgering of me.

Second Choice

The Office Break Room The machine is out of "Snickers" again. I'd be checkin the date on that!

by ragu4u, 1-20-10

Home Improvement by ragu4u 1-21-10

Knock-knock Handy-man here. Come in. You the guy who left the phone message saying you wanted to nail my mom? I surely didn't mean it THAT way. I had better leave. Uh uh! She said she'd spank me if I let you leave.

Chen's Bakery by ragu4u 1-21-10

Welcome to Chen's Bakery. Me bakey you cakey? What kind of cakey will you makey? Me turn off light & show you? Sure, I guess. "Bukkake", Bee-atch Oh yeah, baby!

Ride em, Cowgirl! by ragu4u 1-22-10

Welcome To Nevada's 1st brothel for women. I'm Ken & I'll be your "Prostidude"! Really? You aren't very old. I was hoping for someone more "long-in-the-tooth". Sure, I get it. Hang on a minute. Fine. Moments Later... I was born six months before Ken. I hope that's old enough for you. You're perfect. As soon as I saw you I knew your tooth was much longer than his.

Judgement Withheld by ragu4u 1-22-10

Hey man, have you heard about all them pizza delivery guys getting shot in Philly? Yeah...so what about it? Well, don't you think it's terrible? I can't say. I'd have to taste the pizza first.

Culture Clash by ragu4u 1-23-10

Port au Prince, Haiti C'mon, just let me touch them one time. I can heal them. You're one of those nutty Scientologists that just flew in, right? Ok...try it on that guy behind me. Wait a minute. I'm only working on the native ladies. Hey baby, you definitely look as if you'd benefit from my healing touch. No way me bruddah man. Me only let me husband stick him finger up in there.

Branjelina R.I.P. by ragu4u 1-23-10

Yeah, it's true Jennifer. I'm soon gonna be back on the market. So what Brad? Well I thought you & I could, you know, get it on again. You realize Anjolina turned you into a full blown nut? Did she ever...especially during those 20 hour sex sessions. Talk about my fully blown nuts.... You are such a pig. I'm gonna SO hate myself for marrying you again.