No Laughs Intended by ragu4u 1-24-10

Mission Accomplished? So, you Marines are finally leaving Iraq, eh? Affirmative, Haji! Allow me to show our appreciation. That's awfully nice of...... Medic!!!!

Sacrificing For Science by ragu4u 1-24-10

...kinda. So you admit, "Global Warming" has been exaggerated beyond reality? Maybe...sorta. Do you feel 60 degrees in Miami proves or disproves "Global Warming"? It proves the beaches will be filled with lots of hard nipples. I know that's a FACT. Do you have binoculars, so I can test this "FACT" of yours?

On Again/Off Again by ragu4u 1-24-10

So Jen, I guess you heard Angie & me decided to stay together. You what, Brad? Yeah...it was all a misunderstanding. You and I were never meant to be. He's right in a way. HE was never meant to be. Now make sure of it! You da boss, Miss Anniston. I'm all over it.

Sour Grapes by ragu4u 1-25-10

Geez pops, I had money on the Vikings. You gotta admit, New Orleans was due. Like Sodom & Gomorrah, maybe. Where is your compassion, my son? They already got Harry Connick Jr. What more do they need?

Swimming With The Fishes by ragu4u 1-25-10

What ya looking for down here? I'm looking for a "Hammer Head Shark". I think there's one right behind you. Really? Amazing. The, very rare, finless variety.

"All Hands On Dick" by ragu4u 1-26-10

Ahoy there, matey. I can deal with "ahoy". It's the "matey" thing that bothers me. No speekee zee eenglish, matey?

Fruit of the Vine by ragu4u 1-26-10

The wine you served us was terrible. I'm very sorry, sir. I demand to speak to your sommelier. As you like, sir. The sommelier arrives... My wine is legendary, sir. I'm so ashamed. Please forgive me. You still do that kinda thing, right?

Humble Pie

Sir, I noticed that you referred to yourself 132 times in a earlier speech. Yes, Rahm. I decided cutting way back was the humble thing to do.

by ragu4u, 1-27-10

Living in the Past

Hey girl, would you like to see my new ipad? So, regular Kotex ain't good enough for ya, huh?

by ragu4u, 1-27-10

Quality is "Job NONE" by ragu4u 1-28-10

Enjoy your new Toyota, sir. Oh my God!!! The gas pedal is stuck. I'm gonna die. AAaaaghh! I tried to live a good life but this went and happened anyway. What do ya expect from them fuckin rice burners?

Hold On, Caulfield by ragu4u 1-28-10

Where is your wife? She's over in the bread baking area. J.D. Salinger R.I.P. Which type? I think you can catch her in the rye.

What A Guy! by ragu4u 1-29-10

A sex tape? What sex tape? That little tramp made a sex tape of us? That's what Rielle Hunter's statement alledged, Mr Edwards. Oh, Rielle....well then, that's OK. OK? Yes. At first I thought you meant that cancer ridden hog I'm now seperated from. I hope she takes you for every penny, Senator. The hog, I mean.

A Lean, Mean Sashaying Machine by ragu4u 1-30-10

Say sweethaert, I'm a new recuit. I see. A product of the removal of "don't ask/don't" tell. huh? You know it, honey buns. So where is the group boudoir? I have a salami I need to hide. We call it the barracks here, soldier. Always have...always will! Now follow me! Those nasty old bunk beds were so passe'. These double beds are delicious. Revely is still 4:30 am. You and your fudge packin roomy best keep the moaning to a minimum.

A HAM is Born! by ragu4u 1-30-10

I'm Anderson Cooper here in Haiti where I've found a section of downtown, virtually untouch.....wait! What's that? Tell me you got that. You did get that, right?

Nothing But A "Super" Bowl by ragu4u 1-30-10

So that thing is a "people's" drinking fountain, huh? Uh...yeah. So how do you flush it? You're disgusting.

How's It Hangin? by ragu4u 1-31-10

So what do you think motivates a guy like "bigworm" to mess with you like he does? Oh, you mean "minisculeworm"? Aha....it makes perfect sense, now!

Learning the Birds & Bees by ragu4u 1-31-10

Make sure dat young boy in there pays full price for his blow job! Why sure, Tyrone. I don't give student discounts. You damn straight you don't. I'll be back to collect. 15 Minutes Later.... Jeez mom, you said it was gonna be a freebie. Quick, Tyrone is coming back. Bust open that piggy bank, son.

Straight From the Headlines

I hear they are gonna turn this Italian prison into one for Transvestites only. Whadda ya mean, gonna, Mary?

by ragu4u, 2-01-10

The Imposter by ragu4u 2-01-10

So whadda ya think? Will I pass? Uh.... Huh...huh? Nope! Why not? Cause I think Punxsutawney Phil is fatter.

"Rick James Cinema" by ragu4u 2-02-10

What's your pleasure? "Avatar"? "Up in the Air"? "Blind Side"? "Up in the Air, please". Whoa! Cocaine is a hell of a drug!

What a Waist! by ragu4u 2-02-10

Second trimester? Fuck you!

Cutting From the Top, Down. by ragu4u 2-03-10

The CBS Evening News with Katie Couric...Editorial Just because CBS could pay 200 reporters $75,000.00 each a year out of MY salary... ...does that, necessarily, mean I'm paid too much? My contract expires soon. Only time will tell. Time Marches On... Welcome to the CBS Evening News, ya'll. I'm your new anchor, direct from Joplin, Missouri, Dwart Farbelhardt.

Have You Ever Wondered If... by ragu4u 2-03-10

What's in the sack? Some rattlesnake for my lunch. Oooh...I hear it tastes like chicken. Hey, BLOW ME! I wonder if blowing a chicken would taste like blowing a rattlesnake?

12% Unemployment by ragu4u 2-03-10

It's about time you get off your lazy ass and find a job. That's kinda odd. What's odd? I was gonna tell you the same thing. Touche'

Bit Off More Than He Could Chew by ragu4u 2-04-10

Nice job. Very real looking. Nobody will ever know I have explosives hidden in my breast implants. Now leave for America right away. First I must say goodbye to my lover, Abdul! Moments later.... Too bad. Abdul, obviously, was a tit man.