"Parenting" 3-2-1 by ragu4u 4-07-10

So we won't retaliate with nukes, even if attacked, sir? Absolutely, Rahm. Unless..... Unless what, sir? Unless Michele and I finally find out which one... Which one, WHAT, sir? Which of our kids stole the firing codes and where they hid them.

Living With the Grand Kids by ragu4u 4-07-10

I see you've locked yourself outside in the hall again, huh sweet buns? I'm not outside, grandpa. You're INSIDE! I am? Gramps, you're getting confused. Now please quit calling my wife "sweet buns". Hey boy, get that hot nurse back in here. My diaper is full.

Father & Son Reunion by ragu4u 4-08-10

Thanks pop, for helping me with my Nike commercial. Tiger, you no good, ignorant man-whore, I did it cause they PAID me. But pop, I'm changing my ways. I'll be a good husband and father. Tiger, that just proves that you're dumber than a bag of hammers. Gee dad, how can you say that? You're the one who won't be gettin any mo strange fine white pussy cuz ya too dumb to keep it on the down low. Now ME, on the other hand...

"Matt Adores" the French by ragu4u 4-08-10

Why in the hell would Senor Beeko180 think me, the "Matador", is a Frenchman? I have an idea why! Que? You ain't never won a bullfight. You're a loser! Que lastima. Lo siento! Qu'est-ce que tu viens de dire?

Pencil Pushers by ragu4u 4-08-10

And the winner is.... Now that I'M here, it's a "DRAW".

Brand Recognition by ragu4u 4-09-10

Hey ragu4u, I finally did it. I bought a brand new car. Oh really. Pray tell, when can I view your new wheels? I'm bringing her in tomorrow morning. Meet me out front. As if I give a damn..... The Following Morning.... Morning. Bought a Toyota, I see!

Whip It, Whip It Real Good by ragu4u 4-09-10

Hey man, being Amish would drive me buggy. What? Listen ye...No one drives me buggy but ME! Whoa...I'm sorry if I... And all passengers wear seatbelts, as well.

It Happens When You Get Old by ragu4u 4-10-10

Dad, I think Beeko180 has finally lost it. That infers that at some point he had it, son. I mean he had it but he's losing it. Maybe he's losing it because what he had, has had it. Do you even remember Beeko180, Pops? You look familiar. Who are you & what were we talking about?

How Many Poles Does It Take To Land A Plane?

See what happened? I told ya to knock it off with the Polish Pilot jokes. Nag, nag, nag!

by ragu4u, 4-10-10

Monkey Business in Bangkok by ragu4u 4-11-10

Hey, how'd ya get that banana? I won it in a kickboxing match in Bangkok. You let them exploit you like that? Exploit me? Obviously, you've never seen the fine ass on the female baboon who carries the "round" cards in the ring. And I thought the ultimate humiliation took place to my grandpa on top of the Empire State Building in 1933. Humiliation, my butt! That Fay Wray had a pretty nice rack for your gramps to squeeze.

Old Comedians Never Die by ragu4u 4-11-10

I'm off to work, dear. I'm 93 but I'm going to work because you WON'T! Shut up woman and just... ...get er done!

Family Pranning by ragu4u 4-11-10

So you say it no possible? Correct, Mr. Wong. There is no natural way you and your Oriental wife can conceive a caucasion child. But this America. Anything possible. No, not anything. She be so disappointed. I just go ahead & kill me & wife. Please, NO. Just calmly explain to her that "You two Wongs don't make a White".

"Harpo" Spelled Backwards by ragu4u 4-12-10

Yo Jamalia, what's dis I be's hearin bout Oprah knockin boots wit dat fag John Tesh? Well Tyrone, it comin straight fum TMZ so it gots ta be true. Damn Dr. Phil in de front door, while dat Tesh was up her tush. Don't be disin her majesty like dat. She do a lot a good, ya know. What? Ya mean dat book club of hers? How come when I make a little book I gets busted? Taint de same kinda "book", Long(shot)fellow!

The Instigator by ragu4u 4-12-10

Beep Beep! Huh? La la la...   ?   Beep beep! Damn him! I hate it when he does this.

Sticky Fingers by ragu4u 4-13-10

How can I help you? Doc, I've got severe cuts on all my fingers. Accidents do happen to blind folks, such as yourself. But I was just reading alone in my room. Aha! Reading those new "Porn Mags for the Blind", huh? Damn it. Busted.

Good Old Fashioned Police Work by ragu4u 4-13-10

Recently at "Wal-Mart." All black people, please leave the store. Moments Later... Well, did ya nab the sucka? Yep. Actually, it was easier than we thought. Here's how it went down.... Re-Enactment.... You're under arrest, buddy. Damn, you guys are good. I disguised my voice & everything.

Parenting...1-0-None by ragu4u 4-14-10

Mommy, can we go to th U.K. and shop at Primark? Heavens to Betsy, why? They sell lace undies, padded bras and pole dancing kits for 6 year olds. How totally ridiculous. Aw gee mom, c'mon. Your father & I are firm about this one. Not until you're at least seven.

Impatience by ragu4u 4-14-10

I don't know why Gabe keeps a Crucifix in his room. That Evening..... Well, I think he's had enough. Get on with it. "Get on with it"...my ass! These nails go IN a lot easier than they come OUT! C'mon, man! You're so slow I have to use a timing light to see if you're even movin.

Idiot-Imbicile-Mormon-Lunatic by ragu4u 4-14-10

Did ya hear, Father? Those zany "South Park" guys made a Musical. Surely, you jest! It's the truth...and don't call me Shirley. They titled it "The Book of Moron". I think you must mean, "The Book of Mormon". Oh! Sorry! No need to be sorry. They're practically the same thing, anyway.

Over An Hour Is Voyeurism by ragu4u 4-14-10

Your daughter is in the gym "doing" the whole football team. That's not true. Not my daughter. Go look for yourself. I will and I will prove ye wrong. 1 Hour Later Well? I hast better takest another look to makest sure.

Let's Hear It For "Science"! by ragu4u 4-15-10

A baby with the DNA of one father & two mothers. How cool is THAT!!?? Well, huh? Dada? Mama? DaMa??

Upon Further Reflection..... by ragu4u 4-15-10

Ok...Whoever sent me a photo-copy of their ass, raise your hand! Didn't you just raise your hand? Uh, uh!

Teach Your Children Well by ragu4u 4-15-10

Why you board up the door, daddy? To keep out the child rapists & Tea Party People, hon. But the door opens outwards. Well in that case then, make sure they use condoms, hon!

A Star is Unborn by ragu4u 4-16-10

Hey, I'm going on LIVE in 20 seconds. How do I pronounce the name of that Icelandic Volcano? Hee..........hee,hee......Hah,hahaha 10 seconds...C'mon! Bwahahahaha!! The Icelandic volcano named , Eeejer..Eoojal..Eurjol..Ah, screw it!