I have to agree with the sandwich. Why do people always look at me funny when I say that?

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"If you can't keep it in your pants, keep it in your family"

Point taken.

--S. Dummie

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Greatest Zombie Komic in the Universe

Zombie X: High Times by Screendummie 3-07-05

I ate a stinky hippie earlier today. How was it? Psychedelic!

Zombie X: Merit Badges by Screendummie 3-07-05

I think they need a merit badge for chair sitting in the Girl Scouts. Why the fuck would they need that? Cause I saw this girl scout fall out of the fucking chair while in her bitchy voice to sell cookies.

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Greatest Zombie Komic in the Universe

Zombie X: WHAM! To You Baby by Screendummie 3-07-05

I hate you for reminding me of WHAM! You know you along with the rest of the country listened to WHAM! But why did you have to remind me of the awfulness? WHAM!? You know you still have WHAM! tapes in your room. God I hate you. Now, just cause your uncomfortable wif your sexuality and listen to WHAM! doesn't mean you need to get nasty wif me.

Zombie X: Scott Bakula Is NOT A Celebrity! by Screendummie 3-07-05

Scott Bakula is not a celebrity! He played in Murphy Brown, Quantum Leap, Enterprise, Infiltrator, Designing Women... Wait! He was on Designing Women? I think someone owes Scott Bakula an apology. Yeah...he owes one to the country for being such a fag.

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Greatest Zombie Komic in the Universe

Getting there. Keep trying. Next time think "What Would GG Allin Do?"

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possible savior probable SEX MACHINE

He would masterbate while listening to Yonni.

--S. Dummie

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Greatest Zombie Komic in the Universe

Exactly!

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possible savior probable SEX MACHINE

Zombie X: Killing The Anti-Christ by Screendummie 3-08-05

I have come from the future to the past to stop the Anti-Christ. Um...I hate to tell you this. You're a little late. Shit! Yeah, bad drop there, dude. Can you at least point me to the direction to where Charlton Heston is then? Sure, why not?

Zombie X: I Hate MACs! by Screendummie 3-08-05

You like MACs? Nope. Expensive shitboxs. Sure...I like paying double for less. All I know aboot them is that they don't play video games. WAIT! Yes I have, when computers were first being used in skools, my like 5th grade computer lab was full of MACs. All I remember aboot them is that they were all red! Cause they were cheap, and probably bought them for five bucks each at a garage sale.

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Greatest Zombie Komic in the Universe

Zombie X: Go Fuck Yourself by Screendummie 3-08-05

Can I clone you? Nope. Why? Wouldn't you like another of you? Someone to give you that personal handjob. Are you still considered a virgin if your clone fucks you? Die, asshole!

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Greatest Zombie Komic in the Universe

I'd have to agree with him. You seem to be focusing on making as many comics as you can and not thinking about how funny they will be. They started out great, but as you progressed, they got worse and worse until I wasn't even doing that little laugh in your mind you do when you read the comics in the newspaper.

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More lust than you can shake a stick at.

I'd have to agree with him. You seem to be focusing on making as many comics as you can and not thinking about how funny they will be. They started out great, but as you progressed, they got worse and worse until I wasn't even doing that little laugh in your mind you do when you read the comics in the newspaper.

You think I'm getting paid for this? You think I'm doing the same silly puns I hear on tv, radio and movies that almost everyone does here?

I don't care about doing what ever else does. I also don't care to do boring political commentary (ie Dan Rather, Rush Limbaugh and CHUBBY) or same topical humor (if I wanted that, I'll watch re-runs of Murhpy Brown). If I wanted a slap on the ass from people here to gain acceptance, I'll go play sports.

If you don't like it now, you'll probably not like it either in the future. Others post many to during a day, but I don't care.

Ding, ding...I don't care!

--S. Dummie

(hint: If you don't get any of it, just go fornicate yourself with a hot iron rod!)

(double hint: Because I do!)

(triple hint: Doggies eat applesause to save the ozone layer. You're welcome!)

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Greatest Zombie Komic in the Universe

Zombie X: Ass Kicking Monks by Screendummie 3-10-05

I just saw some kick ass kung fu fighting monks. ... This is where you're supposed to say some random and typically unfunny pun. ... But I don't like doing that!

Zombie X: Ving Raimes Productions by Screendummie 3-10-05

...And now to entertainment section. In a recent deal, Satan, in his eternal punish giving, has brokered with Ving Raimes Productions exclusive movie rights in hell. Ving Raimes has already ordered the production of a tribute movie to Jesse Owen's gold medal victories in the 1936 Olympics. As many blacks remember, Hitler refused to shake Owen's for being a "darkie". The "Tan Cylcone", being played by Ving Raimes himself, will play a slightly altered role where he's quoted, "To kick Hitler's pasty white ass." I'm guessing Raimes will get "medievil" on his ass.

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Greatest Zombie Komic in the Universe

Zombie X: More News On News by Screendummie 3-10-05

Another bit on news on news, Mary Mapes, Rather's producer of the fiasco, has been unwilling to resign. Mapes has been demoted to make the "ding" sound for one of CBS's elevators for three pesos a day. And if that doesn't make her quit, A CBS exec was quoted, "I'm sure she'll resign when we make her wash every toilet with her hair until she does."

Zombie X: Financial News by Screendummie 3-10-05

Now for the financial news. Bill Gates has been listed on Satan's List of Greedy Billionaires as No. 1 for the eleventh consecutive year now. He dropped a point in his wealth due to a weaker US dollar and greedier billionaires from India, Mexico, Sweden, Saudi Arabia and Germany. The higher demand for commodities like oil and steel has increased the world worker misery index substantially. Thanks to those on the List, the Lake of Fire will burn even hotter for you. Hail Satan!

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Greatest Zombie Komic in the Universe

Zombie X: Lighter Side Of News by Screendummie 3-10-05

On the Lighter Side of News, we have an interesting development. Recently, loud, ignorant college students storm a workfair in San Francisco. The reason for this? Because of Air Force Recruitment. Why? Because they believe the military to be a racist entity. Forgetting that proud servicemen and women give up their rights to protect abnoxious protestors. A clever Army engineer discovered that by planting "fake" recruting stations all over Iraq as a protective "shield" around installations. So the ignorant flock to protest, asboring the blast and shrapnel of terrrorist bombings. Jokes on them!

Zombie: Celebrity News by Screendummie 3-10-05

On the Celebrity News Front there has been an unsual squabble today. That's right. James "The Ragin' Cajun" Carvile and Bill "The Mick" O'Reilly had a confrontation today. Apparently as the two waited for their luggage at LaGuardia Airport they argued over pointless political banter. O'Reilly gave Carvile a ribbing about the show Crossfire that he departed and that had been cancelled several times arleady. As the two were prepared to square off with fisticuffs, airport security tazered them. The on watching crowd cheered as they no longer had to hear "Ragin' Cajun's" gibberish and "The Mick's" high pitched bloviating.

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Greatest Zombie Komic in the Universe

Some of them are okay, but some are just offensive (and I dare say racist). And if you don't want approval, why the hell have you posted them here?

Because I can post them there if you want to read them. I think you confuse the two of creating for fun, and gaining approval for approval's sake. Which too many people are unable to differentiate.

I have trouble seeing a black man like Ving Raimes wanting to kick Hitlers ass as divine punishment as racist. I mean, what non-Cacausian (or even Cacausians) would enjoy to be the person responsible for his hell? I mean, I would! The "Tan Cyclone" was Jesse Owen's personal nick, and I'm glad he kicked some Nazi ass.

Mary Mapes did get demoted to something ridiculous by CBS, because she deserved it. James "The Ragin' Cajun" Carville is a nick that he loves to have! Bill O'Reilly is a mick, if you don't like, so what? You can call me wetback all you want and I don't care. Silly PC white people. And I bet people would cheer to see them both tazered for just being so damned annoying.

I do have a bias against rich people, not for their ethnicity, but for them being rich. On Forbes Magazine, alot more billionaires climbed the ladder higher, which I had correctly list those individuals from those nations. Regardless, I think most of them have the furnace burning hotter for them in hell. Why? Because I have an irrational hatred against the rich.

Can't find racism in the protestors that nearly attack Air Force Recruitment in SF. And I really wish we could use that tactic. I mean their deaths would mean so much to everyone. Military happy that the people that they protect who happen to hate them are dead. Iraqi's are happy that ignorant protestors are dead. And even the terrorists, because they don't care who the kill, even protestors that hate liberty and freedom.

And if you got to read my anti-Sen. Byrd comment, he's just a joke and Satan will make sure his punishment is as painful as possible. As for most of the world's politicians to. Oh yeah, I didn't post my Dan Rather hate, which I had forgot. Either way, look who's tabloid now baby!

Either way, I think Ving Raimes will have a place to punish all those who are deserving because nothing worse than a big black man full of rage who can hurt as many evil, racist white people like Hitler and Byrd as possible.

And if you're offended, than get off your high horse and do a bit of research before you cry. Nothing worse than whiners who willfully remain ignorant because its easier than learning facts and history. Its not racism, you're just ignorant!

Now that I have finished rambling, I shall watch more pointless television.

--S. Dummie

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Greatest Zombie Komic in the Universe

Zombie X: The News On News by Screendummie 3-10-05

Now the news on news. Dan Rather, today, after his long fiasco on obviously forged documents on Word, has finally retired after 24 years of being number three in the ratings. He had long contended that the story was true regardless of any actual facts. Or at any attempt to appear objective in any sort of manner. His career endied similarly to Chandra Levey's death that Rather refused to cover. Look who's tabloid now!

Zombie X: Even Satan Had To Laugh by Screendummie 3-11-05

On to our final segment. Senator Robert Byrd, former KKK Grand Kleagle gave a recent interview. When questioned why he used the "N" word twice, his response was simply to get in touch with the inner city crowd in his state. What! There's an inner city in West Virginia? When Byrd exlaimed that he had become a born again Christian in '46 and cut the ties with the KKK. Even Satan had to make a surprise appearance. Apparently, our glorious Satan came out laughing at the statement, and instantly gave Senator Byrd his fiery hell immediately.

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Greatest Zombie Komic in the Universe

Zombie X: Fucking Great Movie by Screendummie 3-11-05

Fuck, that was a great movie! I know! Who knew Ving Raimes could make a movie kick ass? Didn't realize that Jesse Owens had won all the gold medals for us in '36. Didn't realize either that he single handily defeated the Wermacht too during WWII! Can't wait for another Raimes movie. Me too! I want to see another queer Nazi love scene again!

Zombie X: Taxing TP by Screendummie 3-11-05

In an interesting event in Florida, Democratic state Sen. Al Lawson is wanting a two cent tax on each roll of TP. All for the reason to help pay for increasing costs of water management. In a House dominated by Republicans, it seems highly unlikely. Florida Gov. John "Jeb" Bush busted a gut when he heard of Lawson's desire for the tax. Jeb was quoted, "If toilet paper is taxed, people might use less of it." And that's not necessarily a good thing.

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Greatest Zombie Komic in the Universe

And calling them "Shitty Muslims" isn't even a tad racist in your eyes?

Exactly how does his miscommunication donate racism? And please explain what your view of racism is? You see pictorial stereotypes of an ethnic group on this page, and you don't quip about that?

Don't be a hypocratic. If you condemn freedom of speech, then you should to condem freedom of imagery too! So what I had made fun of the closeness of spelling for Shi'ite and Shitty. And a Shi'ite Muslim is not a race! How is a religion a race exactly? People can poke all the fun they want at Christianity, but not Muslims?

I am not a bias person. If you want me to hit Christians to, which I think I do all the time by mocking the apocalypse (better known in the Bible as blessed hope, rapture, great tribulation...and blah, blah) then I can! Just read the first Zombie X, and it mocks it! So you thought it was a slur, even though "shitty" isn't a slur. Its just crass vernacular.

Zombie X by Screendummie 2-09-05

That's one ugly crackhead All I want for Christmas is brains... Ho, ho, ho...Merr...What the fuck happen here? The apacolypse...blessed hope...rapture...great tribulation...hell on earth... Why am I still here then? Jesus hates you.

How about Ving Raimes (who really does kick lots of ass and should've won many Oscars for the category Ass-Kicking) wiping out the Nazis? And Nazis having homosexual relations? Am I being bigoted against those ass-wipes? Its not bigoty, its just I think we should do everything we can to put them in an early grave as legally as possible.

I guess as long as I bash white people, its okay? So I might make fun of Shia Muslims or Kurds or Persians or blah, blah...in the future. I didn't realize the Middle East was untouchable. Maybe we should take down the stereotypical Mexican looking matador. I should bitch about it being offensive to my heritage. But I'm not like that. I like him. Why? Because I don't look forward to be offended.

To put it bluntly once more...Its not racism, you're just ignorant!

Thank you. Now I shall return to watching more pointless television.

--S. Dummie

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Greatest Zombie Komic in the Universe

Zombie X: Stereotypes by Screendummie 3-13-05

Aye carumba! What are you, a stereotype? No way, Jose! You're joking...right? No, man, the jokes on you.

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Greatest Zombie Komic in the Universe

Zombie X: What Brings You To Gay Heaven? by Screendummie 3-13-05

What brings you to Gay Heaven? Oh, Village People had a cast change. They thought the "Indian" was too offensive. But I love that big, weathered, lovable hunk!

Zombie X: The Gig by Screendummie 3-13-05

So I got into the gig a year ago when the Construction Worker got married. I wept that day. They let me fill in for him during the honeymoon, and since I had this Halloween suit. I think you look rather brutish in it. And I love that! I hate to break this too you. Can I still say sweet-nothings in your ear?

Zombie X: Which Ones Aren't Gay? by Screendummie 3-13-05

So you just have to tell me. Which ones aren't gay? Oh, but I don't want to break your heart any further. Just one hint. Fine. He doesn't really like wearing leather chaps. Not him too!

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Greatest Zombie Komic in the Universe

Zombie X: Plural Words by Screendummie 3-13-05

Is penis plural like penises? Nope, its peni. No...its penises! I'm right! Yay! But, think what it is your right about

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Greatest Zombie Komic in the Universe

Zombie X: I Wanna Be A Radio Star by Screendummie 3-14-05

I'm going to start a band. But why? You can't play an instrument or sing. I wanna be a radio star. Wouldn't that just make you a corporate sell out? But I don't mind the ten million fan sellout, radio flava sound. Even though you'd be played next summer...Wait, you stole that!

Zombie X: That's Why We Call Them Re-Mixes by Screendummie 3-14-05

Nothing is considered creative theft if you call it a "re-mix". Um...yeah, it is. Tupac's mother made millions on others doing re-mixes on his supposed songs. Yeah, but what kind of mother is she if she pimps her dead son's image. Don't you get all moralistic on me! I'm just saying.

Zombie X: Sell My Soul? No problem! by Screendummie 3-14-05

So, I might have to give a corporate hummer or two. Big deal! I figured you might enjoy that. But wouldn't you have to sell your soul at some point? And what consequence would that even mean to me? That means no more Gay Heaven. I can't go to hell with a bunch of straights! There's a downside to everything, my friend.

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Greatest Zombie Komic in the Universe

Zombie X: Checkin' For 'Riods by Screendummie 3-14-05

Fuck, even after the apocalypse, all them athletes are still using steriods. Who woulda thought they would still be stuck on earth? Heard that Satan is gonna to check for 'riod users. If you wanted to see if ball players are using steriods, wouldn't you just look at their shrivled sack? How'd you know about the plan? I was the one that suggested it.