I just wanted to answer your comment by saying thanks for what you said, thus inadvertently bumping this thread again.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

Hector and Sally in "A Head Aches in Brooklyn" by biped 10-10-09

My hangover, she is so bad...so terrible bad. What I gonna do, Sally? My head, she feel like she gonna esplode. Sounds like you've got a TUMMY ache in your HEAD! Haha! Wad the fuck dat asposed to mean? A tummy aches in...in my head? Oh, don't worry about it. It's just one of those cute things that little girls say. Later... Boss, I late for work because I...I gots a TUMMY ache in my HEAD. That kind of shit only sounds cute when little girls say it. You're fired.

Cologne-O the Clown by biped 10-10-09

We hope you've enjoyed the delightful antics of COLOGNE-O, "the world's sweetest-smelling clown." Please drive safely. What--you're trying to tell me I stink? Me--COLOGNE-O? Well...the cologne by itself just isn't cutting it anymore. You sweat a lot, you don't bathe--it builds up. And, yes... you're starting to stink. Whoa...extreme bodily stench unsuccessfully masked by cologne. Definitely not "sexy." Shut the fuck up, whore.

Hector in "Love Sucks" by biped 10-10-09

So, what's the big deal with your girlfriend, Hector? Ay-carumba! She keeps BLOWING FRANKENSTEIN!!! "Just last week..." RAAAAAAAAAR!!! OH, I CAN'T WAIT TO FEEL YOU IN MY MOUTH!!! Wha--Hector! I thought you were... I know, I know! You thought I was FRANKENSTEIN'S DICK!!!

Dork 'n' Beans by biped 10-10-09

Howdy, I'm "Dork" Wilson. I'm here about that wranglin' job, and-- "Dork" Wilson? Where the hell'd you git a fucked-up name like that? Well, it's short fer "Dorcus." See, that there was muh maw's maiden name, and-- Yeah, yeah, like I give a flyin' fuck. Pffft. Oh well, the bunkhouse needed a laughin' stock. Look--do I git the job or not? Beats me. I'm just the cook, dumbass.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

Bob and Elaine's Modern Relationship Problems 1 by biped 10-13-09

KANYE WEST IS AN ASSHOLE!!! What's really bothering you, Elaine? Is it my bionic testicles? Yes...Mother says you're cursed. Your mother's outdated gypsy superstitions won't allow her to embrace my singing testicles. (!!!) They SING now? Only beautiful old Negro folk spirituals. And only when I ejaculate.

Bob and Elaine's Modern Relationship Problems 2 by biped 10-13-09

"OLD...MAN... RIBBERRRRR...HE SEE DAT OL' CHARIOT SWINGIN' LOW..." Oh my GOD, Bob--this is HORRIBLE!!! PULL OUT!!! PULL OUT!!! First, it's the bouncing around and vibrating. Now, the singing. Bob, I'm afraid there's no biblical passage covering bionic testicles. You want me to replace them with... DOG TESTICLES??? If it will save my relationship with Elaine...yes.

Bob and Elaine's Modern Relationship Problems 3 by biped 10-13-09

Oh, Bob...last night was wonderful. And now, we can finally have children. Err (ahem)...yes. WOOF! WOOF! Look what I can do, Mommy! That's...nice, Billy. (shudder) Should I tell her? That I have...dog testicles? Nah, just let her keep thinking her womb's fucked up.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

The Oldies Aren't Goodies 1 by biped 10-18-09

So...how's about that blow job? Uh-oh, I think I just shit my pants. Sixty-five years... same fuckin' excuse.

The Oldies Aren't Goodies 2 by biped 10-18-09

Mother's here for a visit. Try not to upset her. YOU'RE NOT GOOD ENOUGH FOR MY DAUGHTER!!! Well, I hope you're happy.

The Oldies Aren't Goodies 3 by biped 10-18-09

"Dog food loaf" again? It's all we can afford. (sigh) I had me a lobster once...away back in aught five. What'd you do--fuck it?

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

The Death of Cologne-O by biped 10-18-09

Welcome to the Cologne-O the Clown show! We have lots of funny fun songs and jokes and antics for you-- DIE, CLOWN FUCKER!!! YAAAAAAAA!!! THAT HORRIBLE MAN JUST MURDERED COLOGNE-O!!! SCREEEAAMMM!!! SCREEEAAMMM!!! "SCREEEAAMMM!!!" HA HA HA HA HA HA ha ha ha haha ha ha ha ha ha ha hahahaha!!!

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

I'm sweating to the oldies (again). 

I used to bathe regularly until I realized that I was just going to keep sweating anyway.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

Father O'Mallard's Twin Brother by biped 9-19-05

Travis, I wish you wouldn't borrow my clothes while you're visiting for the weekend. Hey, bro -- it was YOUR dog that pissed in my suitcase, remember? Excuse me...I'm very troubled... would you please hear my confession? Huh? Sure! WHOA!!! You SUCKED his COCK? On a fucking FERRIS WHEEL? AWESOME!!!

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

The Boris Karloff Crisis 1 by biped 11-08-09

Mommy, have you ever wanted to fuck Boris Karloff? Well no, dear. You see, he's not my type, and-- GAAAAAAAAA!!! Hello, station WJLD? I want you to stop showing those awful Boris Karloff movies! Sorry ma'am--we're booked solid. It's "Boris Karloff Week" for the next two sexy weeks. Ed, I-- SHHH...quiet, Edna. I'm masturbating to "House of Frankenstein."

The Boris Karloff Crisis 2 by biped 11-08-09

"The Burgomeithter'th thkull will be the perfect home for the Wolf Man'th brain..." Uhh...UHHHH... (DROOL) GOLLY! I think I just KARLOFFED!!! Here, Edna..."The Mummy" is just coming on. I'll leave you two alone. But...but... I don't... Where's Mommy? She's locked herself in the den, sweetie. I'll make us some hot dogs.

The Boris Karloff Crisis 3 by biped 11-08-09

"That concludes Station WJLD's Boris Karloff Week. Join us now for... 'The Best of Anson Williams.'" NO!!! NOOOOOOOOO!! I feel as though I've just awakened from a year-long coma. I'm totally numb from the neck up and the waist down. "Oh, yeah? Well, YOU nerds might be afraid of 'The Fonz', but not ME!" LOOK OUT BEHIND YOU, POTSIE! IT'S "THE FONZ"!

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

Pay No Attention To This Comic by biped 11-10-09

BEHOLD MY INTRO-BARKS! WITH INWARD BARKS, I BARK AT MYSELF! WOOF WOOF! I BARK NOT TO WARN, BUT TO PUT MY MASTERS TO SLEEP! Honey, would you please tell those FUCKING DOGS to SHUT THE FUCK UP!!! HEY, FUCK YOU! YOU'RE the one who had to buy DISCOUNT RADIOACTIVE DOGS!!! Mommy, the neighbor lady gave me some chili, and it tasted funny, and their doggies are gone, and-- The time of fasting has begun. Soon, you will yearn for the taste of rotting, dead dogs.

Disengaged Debbie by biped 11-12-09

...and I just LOVE it on "SNL" when Jimmy Fallon breaks character and looks into the camera and laughs and is SOOOOO CUUUUUTE-- SHUUUUT THE FUUUUUCK UUUUUUUUUP!!!!! Well? Did Hector finally propose tonight? I don't want to marry Hector anymore, mother. I'm settling for "Foofy" Burton.

Pork Avenue Pals by biped 11-12-09

HI! I'M SLAMMY THE HAMMY! What, is that your "cute cartoon character" name? Because dude, it's, like, totally a reference to beating your meat. Told ya.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

Biff's Exciting Near-Brush With Fame by biped 11-12-09

Hello. I'm Hideki Matsui, the famous Japanese baseball player who helped the Yankees win the World Series. But...aren't you a little too big...and tall...and Caucasian... to be Japanese? Curses. Foiled again.

Biff's Exciting Near-Brush With Fame II by biped 11-12-09

Hello, I'm -- oh. I already did you. Hello. I'm Hideki Matsui, the famous Japanese baseball player who helped the Yankees win the World Series. "Local old lady meets Hideki Matsui. Details at eleven." Ha, ha.

Biff's Exciting Near-Brush With Fame -- Epilogue by biped 11-12-09

Excuse me--aren't you Hideki Matsui, the famous Japanese baseball player who helped the Yankees win the World Series? No, I am not. If you look carefully, sir, you'll see that I am a black man. Holy shit--how did it happen? Sorcery? Did you offend some evil gypsies? NO!!! (sigh) You won't believe this. Some terribly misguided person just mistook me for Hideki Matsui. You mean you're NOT Hideki Matsui? No wonder you have such a grotesquely large penis.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

Disengaged Debbie 2 by biped 11-13-09

Well, here we are in your apartment, Foofy. Oh, this is so romantic. I really feel like I could-- Pardon me while I slip into my clown suit, Debbie. Ahh, that's much better. Well--let's get funny. ZOOT!!! DING!!! BEEP-BEEP!!! WHEEEEEEE!!!

Disengaged Debbie 3 by biped 11-13-09

OINK!!! FRRRT!! WHOOPEEEE!!! HONK--hey, where are you going? Debbie! I was going to make cotton candy! Well? Did you and Foofy "set a date"? Foofy's a closet clown, mother. He... he honked at me.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

My anus is bleeding.

Another result of your fantastic comics!

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I will rate you hard, and unendingly.

That's one of the nicest things anyone has ever said to me.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

Gorgeous Crab by biped 11-14-09

They call me "Gorgeous Crab." I'm here about the poledancing job. What? Why, you couldn't even get those short pincer-arms AROUND the friggin' pole! Well, my specialty is really lap-dances, anyway. Oh, yeah? You're gonna have to prove it. On ME. UHHH!!! UHHH!!! OH, YEAH!!! YEAH BABY!!! UHHH!!! HEY, NO FAIR! WE'RE NOT ALLOWED TO TOUCH IT!

Dog-On-Ball Today by biped 11-14-09

Hey Woofy, let's go visit Dumbledore in our minds. "Let's go visit Dumbledore in our minds." Friggin' Harry Potter fan-dogs...BAH! Woof-woof! Mummy, put the Harry Potter DVD in again. But Dog-On-Ball--we've watched it ten times a day for eight years! "Pity you can't attach an extra arm to your broom, Malfoy. Then it could catch the Snitch for you." Oh, my. I want to sniff all their butts.

The Clown Brothers in "The Only Pun I Ever Made Up" by biped 11-14-09

I went to the circus yesterday. Oh? How was it? It was in tents. Goodnight, everybody! Please drive safely.

The Punfather by biped 11-14-09

That was the worst pun I ever heard, Gummo. Haven't I always written good material for you? Written MY material for ME? I'm your older brother, Groucho! And I was PASSED OVER! That's the way Mom wanted it, Gummo. WELL IT AIN'T THE WAY I WANTED IT! I'm funny--not unfunny like everybody thinks! I'm FUNNY and I want LAUGHS!!! You're nothing to me now, Gummo. Not a straight man... not a comedy foil. I don't want to see your act or hear your jokes. Well, I guess this Marx the end of my comedy career.

Go Ask Edna by biped 11-20-09

Mommy, Grace Slick is at the front door. Well, lock it, sweetie. Dad, some crazy gray-haired old lady is out in the front yard screaming at the house. FUCK!!! FUMBLE!!! Uh-huh...well, you're old enough to call the police by yourself now, son... ESTABLISHMENT PIGS!!! CONSERVATIVE PUPPETS!!! NEO-SUBURBAN ASSHATS!!! Dagnab it, Grace, your parents don't live here anymore.

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.