"Yes, my back hurts.  Along with my knees, and my ankles, and my midsection, and my quadraceps, and my calves, and my glutes, and my..."

"In life, you're going to trip and fall at times.  The key is to bounce back up.  In my case, it's automatic!"

"I'm originally from Cleavage, I mean, CLEVELAND."

"The best part is I can drive in the carpool lane all by myself!"

You know that old joke on how to make a horse laugh, and then make it cry?

For her, it applies to cows.

Holy crap, RCLG LOL

I'm over here cracking up too hard to caption the photo. 

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...and if you liked that one, here's a link to my other stupid shit.

Here's another picture of her so you know what I'm talking about:

"The funny thing about my 'chicken legs' is... who cares?"

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bigworm

"I don't know what I'd do without re-bar!"

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bigworm

"I can't swim or tread water, but I float automatically."

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bigworm

i think we've milked her titties for all they're worth!

"I auditioned for that TV show "Twin Peaks", but they said I was overqualified!"

"I'm the founder of the Lean Forward women's movement!"

The surgeon who did herbreast reduction surgery was charged with two felony counts of being a complete ASSHOLE!

"Everyday, I get micro-aggressions from jealous women regarding my macro-mastia!"

"I don't mean to brag, but EVERY conversation I have is titillating!"

She wanted to pose for Juggs magazine, but they said she was overqualified.  So, they suggested she try Containerss magazine!

"Whenever I'm at a boring party, I tell me friends I'm going to bounce...  I don't mean I'm going to leave...  I'm going to stand there and bounce...  The party generally livens up at then."

"The left one is for feeding my babies...  The right one's for feeding Ethiopia!"

"I'm sorry...  You're going to need a lot more tat than that!"  (think about it)

"I am the booby prize!"

"You can follow me at my Titter account, #ican'tlayonmystomachwhenisleep."

"My milkshake brings Western Europe to my yard..."

"I'm okay with breast-feeding in public.  I do it all of the time...  Children?  What children?"

Before & After:

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!