Stop sending me messages, retard.

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"In a thousand years there will be no men and women just wankers and that's fine by me."

I did like this one however:

tv show by retard 4-28-03

it's the captain no-powers show! i am captain no-powers!!!! this weeks episode: captain no-powers buys some fried chicken. I want to buy some fried chicken. This show is enjoyable! $5.75??? You swine!

Don't ask me why.

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"In a thousand years there will be no men and women just wankers and that's fine by me."

Why?

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America's favorite little pyromaniac.

That's why, that line rocked.

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"In a thousand years there will be no men and women just wankers and that's fine by me."

HOO-HAW!

story time: like father, like son by retard 7-27-03

I was out buying ice cream with my foster dad Bill Cosby one day, when suddenly, a gaggle of zombie ninjas entered the parlar. They was all "Gimmie all the chocolate sprinkles or receive death!" I said "Shut up. I'm bonding with my father. He just got out of vietnam! Show some respect!" the zombie ninja walked over, looked my foster dad straight in the eyes and said "Care for a line dance?" Bill Cosby then started to urinate all over the zombie ninja. The earth stood silent. Then they broke out in laughter. Then everyone around the universe started line dancing. I said "Hey! You forgot to give me jimmies!"......Bill Cosby was so angry at me that he shot my pet bumble bee. "BUZZY!!!!" I exclaimed. "Stop exclaiming, JERK!" said Bill Cosby. Then I pooped. (This one sucks....)

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America's favorite little pyromaniac.

Wow! What a great comic!

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YEE-HAW!!!!!

I agree!

I've been waiting for retard's return.

oh ya, I forgot. You have a crush on him.

Apparently, I'm the only one, based on the number of votes he has.

bfdsgfgfdsa

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America's favorite little pyromaniac.

turtles!

Story Time: Heaven & Hell by retard 8-23-03

I was watching my favorite television program one fine afternoon: Super Greasy Monkey Tits. Then, outta somewhere, Fester Adams came crashing though my window, holding a piece of salami. I was all like "Huh?" and he was all like "Smell my salami!" I said "Not yes." and then he cried. He cried for several hours. His tears filled up my rumpus room, drowning me to death. I had died and flew up to heaven. God was there, dancing the macarana. That is what God does when no one is looking. He then spotted me and was like "GO TO HELL!" and I did. I went to Hell and Satan was there, dancing the macarana. He spotted me and was like "GO TO DISNEY LAND!" and I did. I went to Disney Land and Mickey Mouse was there, dancing the macarana. I had enough of this repetitive bull droppings, so I shot Mickey Mouse with a harpoon gun. Donald Duck then ran up to the dead body and cried out in anger. I shot him, too. It has been a long day. (I went back home and Fester Adams was dancing the macarana)

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America's favorite little pyromaniac.

Man, you're funny!

I love the stories. They're unpredictable and nicely chaotic. I liked it so much that I made this:

Homage to retard by lukket 8-25-03

Once upon a time there was this awesome guy who decided to steal another guy's idea and like totally ruin it. But he lacked imagination, so he went out to kill a bum 'cause that shit gives inspiration But the bum was like "Don't waste me. I don't deserve to die", and this awesome guy was so awesome so he just killed the man and took his inspiration. It looks just like a spleen but it has attitude, so it tried to kill the awesome guy. But he stapled it to a pigeon and saw it bleed to death very slowly. That was like the best thing that ever happened to him. But then along came the PETA to protest, so he like told them to piss off, and to make sure they understood, he tore off their legs. And they were like "Hey we needed our legs. Now we can't leave.", so he got mad and killed them. For that he was made president of a small African country. (I had to kill retard to do this comic. I used the blood to write it with. If he had survived, I would probably thank him for the inspiration)

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troelsea at gmail dot com

retard thanks you.

The guy from Fullhouse is Bob Sagat, and Tony Danza is from "Who's The Boss." BTW- The story comics are good! =D

retard thanks you, too.

The story thing works! Me laugh.

I don't know if I can take more than a few. But I feel that way about my own too.

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"Jelly-belly gigglin, dancin and a-wigglin, honey that's the way I am!" Janice the Muppet

HEy retard, i love your comics, dont listen to what the other people say, im sure they all just love the cock, keep it up.

time for stuff!!!!

Story Time: Sir Isaac Newton by retard 8-31-03

This is an educatinal story that my dear grandpapa used to tell me before nappy time. It was about that dead guy who invented gravity or something. Before him, there was no gravity so people would just float away. But then Sir Isaac Newton was sitting under an apple tree. Why would he be doing this, you ask? Well, Sir Isaac Newton was very poor so he sat under the tree all day and waited until an apple fell on his head, so he could eat it. But of course there was no gravity so the apple would just float away, into space. He got very angry. And hungry. So Sir Isaac Newton decided to make gravity with what supplies he had. He made it out of two paper clips, a rubber band and glitter. He made lots of bling bling with that invention, but he lost it all because some guy stole it. So he continued to sit under the tree, waiting for an apple. But one day instead of an apple, a banana fell on his head. Sir Isaac Newton was so confused that he ate his mom (to learn more about Sir Isaac Newton contact your local library....poop....)

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America's favorite little pyromaniac.

i thought the sir issac newton one was GOLD!!!!!

Story Time: The Great Battle by retard 9-13-03

I was sitting on my lawn one fine afternoon, shooting crows with my shotgun, when out of nowhere, the other guy from Wham came lunging after me, holding a jar of mint jelly. He then proceeded to rub the mint jelly all over my naked body. Yes, I was naked. Did I forget to mention that? Anyway, I asked what he was doing. He hissed at me and continued rubbing the mint jelly. I said "WHAAAAAA????" and kicked TOGFW's throat with a mighty force. He then threw a SpiderMan action figure at me, which I caught with my bulging pecs. Then I laughed like a pirate. But when TOGFW said that my mother wore army boots, that's when I lost it. I walked over to him and body slammed him into a cactus. He howled with pain and flicked my ear. "Flick my ear, will you, BITCH?" I roared. Then I picked up TOGFTW and threw him into a pit of scropions and hungry fat kids from Milwaukee. He died a painful death, and that made me giggle. (This story is so good that God gave me the power of super speed)

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America's favorite little pyromaniac.

pretty sweet, huh?

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America's favorite little pyromaniac.

I loved every second of it. retard, you are a true god!

Make more, retard! Where are you?

zibba zoop!

Story Time: Summer Job by retard 10-05-03

Last summer my dad told me to get a job. So I did. I got a job as a dog taker care of-er. A big fat rich lady got me to take care of her ugly poodle Muffy. My god, that was an ugly dog! It was so ugly that I vommited in disgust! I was hungry after that so I ate some stuff under the sink. I then started to see things! I saw a giant centipede eating my uncle's brains! I went crazy and gutted Muffy with a wooden spoon. Then I realised that the fat rich lady would not give me my nickle if her dog was dead in her kitchen. So then I re-stuffed the dog with several smaller dogs! It didn't seem to work so then I went on to plan B. I glued cotton balls to a naked hobo. The fat rich lady came home and didn't notice. I got my nickle and bought a gummy bear that I ate. It was yummy. Later I discovered that the naked hobo attacked the fat rich lady and ripped right through her jugular vein! That made me jitter-bug! (This story is so good that my parent's disowed me)

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America's favorite little pyromaniac.