I watch 'American Pickers' for the palpable sexual tension by UncleTerwilliger 10-18-10

Ikea always makes me feel like our furniture just isn't minimal enough. We use milk crates as a coffee table...how much more "minimal" can we get? The Swedish are taking the whole "stark" thing a little far, don't you think? Let's look in the bedroom section. Now THIS is how I want to do the bedroom! Hmmm...I've gotta say, I don't hate that bed of nails and old ratty piece of cardboard motif.

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Have you ever noticed how Massachusetts looks like a drunk Possum passed out against a dumpster?

No Way Out by UncleTerwilliger 10-18-10

Hi little squirrel. Hi Kevin Costner. Let me ask you, did you think 'Water World' was THAT bad? Well...film is such a subjective medium and people are always ready to jump on a bandwagon. For example, Dane Cook isn't funny...but nor is he the worst comedian ever. So, you liked it then? .......'Field of Dreams' was was pretty good.

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Have you ever noticed how Massachusetts looks like a drunk Possum passed out against a dumpster?

I'm a Dapper Dan man! by UncleTerwilliger 10-18-10

I can't believe they're gonna have sex right in front of us like we're not even here! Are they facing eachother?! Oh God! These humans must be retarded. I'd better go help. That's better! Hey Steve...don't let him swat you away, after you're done he can show her how to do it right!

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Have you ever noticed how Massachusetts looks like a drunk Possum passed out against a dumpster?

Who's the Boss? by UncleTerwilliger 10-18-10

Bless me Father, for I have sinned. It's been three weeks since my last confession. Tell me your sins, my son. I have stolen a parmesan cheese shaker from Pizza Hut. I have had impure thoughts about Tony Danza, thirty two times. I have also lied on thirteen occassions. Make that--fourteen occassions. And are you truly sorry for these crimes against God and your fellow man? Hey, that's a pretty tame list...it's not like I used to be a Nazi like your boss. You mean the German guy and not Jesus, right?

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Have you ever noticed how Massachusetts looks like a drunk Possum passed out against a dumpster?

'Leaving Las Vegas' backwards is about a man cured by booze by UncleTerwilliger 10-20-10

Sir, can you tell me what happened? Yes my good man, I am able, as my cart and horse were parked on the street, while I sold some twine dolls my daughter threaded. I was at yonder corner at the time of the great happening. A large wheeled monster came roaring out of yonder side street past where those two sinners are now spreading Satan's mischief. The magical light box shone with the red demon light, but the cart master paid no heed--and many pagans perished on this day, when their hands could have been used for the Lord's toil. Reporting live, this is Action 7 news. What time is this going to be on?--I want to Tevo it.

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Have you ever noticed how Massachusetts looks like a drunk Possum passed out against a dumpster?

Arrogant Bastard is what I am & the name of my favorite beer by UncleTerwilliger 10-20-10

Bless me Father for I have yadda yadda yadda-ed. My son, forgive me, but it does not seem as though your heart is in this confession. Very astute, Father Boyfondler. I've just killed so many people that I don't really feel it's that big of a deal anymore. You have committed more than one murder? This is most certainly the highest of all God's laws that you have broken. Human life is, after all, precious. Yeah, well why don't you go hang out at a Souper Salad on a Tuesday around lunch time and tell me if you still feel that way.

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Have you ever noticed how Massachusetts looks like a drunk Possum passed out against a dumpster?

If you ever disappear forever I will cry a thousand tears of blood and start the Great Gerbil War of 2056.

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It was such a waste of everyone’s time and money that even the Tokyo stadium’s rape robots apologized– something they were programmed specifically never to do.

I appreciate your support. I feel that in said war, Richard Gere would make an obvious choice for four star General of the proud gerbil army. AVENGE ME!

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Have you ever noticed how Massachusetts looks like a drunk Possum passed out against a dumpster?

His puzzler was sore by UncleTerwilliger 12-07-10

This can't be right...I'm going to have to take it the hard way. Then what happened? Well, in Whoville they say...that the Grinch's flacid penis grew three sizes that day!

Please...think of me when you and your family are gathered round your roast beast.

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Have you ever noticed how Massachusetts looks like a drunk Possum passed out against a dumpster?