Take it easy... don't you know a good plot twist when you see one?

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...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

The Puppetmaster - 68: Fuzzyman @ 500 by fuzzyman 9-28-02

Hee hee hee hee! I'm breaking through the fourth wall to celebrate my 500th comic. Dick, what lessons can we learn from the previous 499 strips? Needen't Noo! Hee hee hee hee! No, seriously. Surely there must have been some substance hidden among the "humor," as I like to call it. Poop stinky! Hee hee hee hee! And there you have it! Humor and cutting-edge philosophy! And now, back to our show...

The Puppetmaster - 69 by fuzzyman 9-28-02

Hee hee hee hee! Hey, Dick! You seem t' be havin' a good day! George? B-b-b-b-ut... you're DEAD! Nah, that was jes' m' stunt double! Dang, that stings! Y' went a little heavy on th' gasoline there, Dick!

The Puppetmaster - 70 by fuzzyman 9-28-02

Well, Dick, Ahm afraid that you're gonna have t' be punished for tryin' t' kill th' Pres'dent of the United States! I understand. The law is the law. Now, we don' need t' get th' law involved. Ah'd prefer t' punish you all personal-like. Personal? What are you thinking---? YO-del-AY-ee-HOO! Yo-DEL-ay-EE-HOO! YO-DEL-AY-HEE!!! Gaaaaa!!!!!!

To be continued...

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...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

The Puppetmaster - 71 by fuzzyman 9-28-02

"My fellow Americans... We must bomb Iraq now. I have evidence that Saddam Hussein has Weapons of Mass Destruction." My fellow 'Mericans... We mus' Iraq bomb now. I have ev'dence that Saddam Hussein has Weapons of Ass Destruction. "Mass Destruction! Mass Destruction!" Ass Destruction! Ass Destruction! Meanwhile... I think Bush is on to us, my large, metal friend.

The Puppetmaster - 72 by fuzzyman 9-28-02

Mr. President! After your statement about "Ass Destruction," the nation is in panic! Panic? Where? Mostly in the Bible Belt. There's rioting in Nashville, and Kansas City is ablaze! Oh m' God! Is there any GOOD news? I don't know about you, but I'm making a killing on my Fire Extinguisher stocks! Now that y' mention it, I should check my stock in Preparation H!

The Puppetmaster - 73 by fuzzyman 9-28-02

My fellow 'Mericans. There is no need t' panic. Please return t' your homes. Let me clarify mah previous statements. When Ah said Iraq has weapons of Ass Destruction, Ah merely meant that they wants t' blow up donkeys. Your posterior regions are safe. Any questions? Yes, now that you mention it...

To be continued...

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...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

The Puppetmaster - 74 by fuzzyman 10-08-02

Dick! Ah has figured out how t' deal with this Saddam situation once and fer all! I'm amazed that yuo could figure anything out, but go ahead. Ahm gonna challenge Saddam to a fight! In the ring, ger all th' marbles! Hand to hand! Mano a mano! Are you crazy? He'd beat you to a bloody pulp! Who said anythin' about me? I don't like where this is going...

The Puppetmaster - 75 by fuzzyman 10-08-02

Yes, Dick! You will be m' champion in th' ring with Saddam! Isn't that risky? What if I drop dead from a heart attack? Ah still win! Th' international community will recognize Saddam for th' animal he is. And in you win... ...then Iraq becomes the 51st state. How did you think of this? Ah've been watchin' lot's of professional wrestlin' on TV. Speaking of which, coul y' put on these tights and grunt? This won't be televised, will it?

The Puppetmaster - 76 by fuzzyman 10-08-02

Well, if it's all the same to you, George, I'd rather win this fight with Saddam. That'd be fine with me, Dick. Miracles happen every day! I'll need someeone to help me train for the fight. Ah have jes' th' person in mind... Later... Hernandez! What are you staring at? Sir! You look mighty fetching in those tights, Sir!

To be continued...

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...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

The Puppetmaster - 77 by fuzzyman 10-19-02

Okay, Hernandez... How are you going to get me into shape for this wrestling match with Saddam? Well, first it's a trip to the dentist to sharpen your teeth... Excuse me? ...and then a visit to the manucurist to sharpen your nails. I'm not sure I understand. Biting and scratching, Sir. It's your only hope.

The Puppetmaster - 78 by fuzzyman 10-19-02

Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Bagdhad for the first annual winner-take-all no-holds-barred Iraqi-American wrestling match! Yaaaay!! Woooo!! In this corner, weighing in at 215 pounds, with a 100% approval rating, the ruler you all know and love... Saddam Hussein, the Wacky Iraqi! From Hell's heart I stab at thee, dirty American pig-dog! Yaaaaay!! And in this corner, weighing in at 230 pounds, the man who smells like a day-old grilled cheese sandwich.... Dick Cheney, the Skanky Yankee! Booooo!! Hey, who came up with these introductions?

The Puppetmaster - 79 by fuzzyman 10-19-02

And.... FIGHT! I will bury my tent-pole in your chest and burst your heart once and for all! You are not a man... you are a girly girl! Hah! I bet your moustache isn't even real! You haven't the testosterone to grow facial hair on your own! I'll show you what a real man is! Uh... guys? You are not worthy to lick the boots of my least favorite harem maid! Your eyes are flabby and your nose is shape of a desert dung beetle! I will crush your worthless body like a rotted melon beneath my feet! You are not worthy to be in the general vicinity of anyone! Aren't you going to fight? Shut up, you camel-felching excuse for a narrator! We're not done with the trash-talking phase, yet, ass-muncher!

To be continued...

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...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

What? You thought I was done? Ha!

The Puppetmaster - 80 by fuzzyman 10-25-02

The fight begins... Ah cain't bear t' watch! ARRRGH!!! Noooo! Bones... Liutenant. Cheney, is he...? He's dead, Jim!

The Puppetmaster - 81 by fuzzyman 10-25-02

*sob* Adios, Dick. Y' we're a great Vice President, even if'n y' did smell like Ben Gay most'a th' time. *thump* *thump* *thump* *thump* Ah guess it's a bit late t' tell y' now, but Ah gave your lesbian sister some of m' sperm so she can have a baby. So I guess we's related now! *thump* *thump* *thump* *thump* *thump* *thump* *thump* *thump* *thump* *thump* *thump* *thump* Ah sure do wish you'd stop bangin' on yer casket, Dick. It's right unseemly of a dead person!

The Puppetmaster - 82 by fuzzyman 10-25-02

I'm not dead, you fool! But... Ah saw y' die! Doctor Phlatulent told me you was dead as a doornail! That was our plan! We knew I couldn't win, so he injected me with a Neural Paralyzser to simulate my death. Ah thought he gave y' Triox compound t' help you with the thin, Iraqi air! You were in the meeting when we planned this! What were you doing all that time? Daydreaming? *Somebody's* gotta be on guard for a terrorist pretzel attack!

The Puppetmaster - 83 by fuzzyman 10-25-02

Now about my sister... She needed some sperm t' make a baby an' Ah gave it t' her! So? So, it's... hmmm. Say, can we talk about this back in the Oval Office? Sure... why? The leaders of the free world are standing in a graveyard arguing about sperm and lesbian babies. That's too creepy even for me. You think this is creepy, wait until y' seen Ashcroft's crucifix collection.

To be continued...

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...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

The Puppetmaster - 84 by fuzzyman 10-26-02

Look, I gave yer lesbian sister m' sperm so she could have a baby! It's perfectly natural! How is artificial insemination natural? Who do you think you are.... David Crosby? Who said anything 'bout it bein' artificial? But... but... she's... Ain't nothin' artificial 'bout a turkey baster! TOO MUCH INFORMATION!!!

The Puppetmaster - 85 by fuzzyman 10-26-02

Ah gave yer lesbian sister m' sperm and Ah'm proud of it! Who do you think you are.... David Crosby? David who? Never mind. Say, how long ago did you give my sister your sperm, anyway? About nine months ago.... Why do y' ask?

To be continued...

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...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

The Puppetmaster - 86 by fuzzyman 10-27-02

Sis, how could you do this to me? I wanted to have a baby and now I do! What's the problem? You used sperm from George W. Bush! Do you realize the implications? What implications? The political implications? No! Consider the genetics! Think of the damage to our family gene pool! Don't be saying mean things about baby George!

The Puppetmaster - 87 by fuzzyman 10-27-02

Dick, why do y' look so angry? She named the baby after YOU!!? Yep! Little George J. Cheney. Ah always wanted a son o' m' own! Wait... "George J.?" What does the "J" stand for? Junior, of course! Shoot me now.

The Puppetmaster - 88 by fuzzyman 10-27-02

Thank for coming to my press conference. I have an important announcement. The Vice President's sister has given birth to a bouncing baby boy. The Vice President expresses his fond wishes for his new nephew, George Junior Cheney. Excuse me, Doctor Phlatulent! Isn't the Vice President dead? Didn't Saddam Hussein kill him in that wrestling match? Thanks for reminding me! I have another announcement... Stop the presses!

To be continued...

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...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

Bravo!

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"Eat a fucking cock." - attitudechicka

The Puppetmaster - 89 by fuzzyman 10-28-02

You told the White House Press Corp what...!? I said that you miraculously rose from the dead after three days. Worship services in your honor are being organized, and the Vatican is in flames! Oh my God! Do you know what this means? No more free pierogies when the Pope visits? No! It means I'm going to make a killing on W.W.D.C.D bracelets! Do we still get pierogies?

The Puppetmaster - 90 by fuzzyman 10-28-02

Hello, friend! Can I interest you in a free subscription to WatchCheney Magazine? Blessed be Dick Cheney! Get away from me, you babbling ninny! Quick, man! Think! What Would Dick Cheney Do? Well...? *gaaack* CORONARY!! Just like all those other crazy Dickites!

The Puppetmaster - 91 by fuzzyman 10-28-02

In order to achieve a state of pure Cheney, you must give me all your money. Now. HERE... TAKE ALL OUR MONEY! CHECKS MADE OUT TO "CASH!" And now, I ask you... What is the act of total devotion to Me? What Would Dick Chechey Do? *gaaaack* CORONARY! Eat your heart out, L. Ron Hubbard! *thud*

To be continued...

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...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

The Puppetmaster - 92 by fuzzyman 10-30-02

Dick, yer religion is takin' the country by storm! I know. I think it's time that we took advantage of the situation. How? By making Dickism the official and religion of the United States! All other religions will be illegal! I dunno... "One nation under Dick" dudn't exactly roll off th' tounge. Don't knock it till you've tried it.

The Puppetmaster - 93 by fuzzyman 10-30-02

Our Dick, how art.... here, hollow be thy shame. Thy king dong dung, thy smelly buns, unearth, as it isn't Evan. Gibbous this day our daily head... Note to self: Find someone other than Bob Dylan to write the prayers to me next time.

The Puppetmaster - 94 by fuzzyman 10-30-02

Cheney, you must stop this insanity! You're wrecking the Constitution by imposing your religion on the country! Al Gore? Back again, eh? You and your precious Constitution! Well, what are you going to do about it? I will fight you to my last breath! That may be sooner than you think. Don't you know who you're dealing with? Guards! Attention! BURN THE HERETIC!!! What? You can't-- AAAAAIIIIIEEEE!!!! Hmmm! He burst into flames faster than expected. Maybe he is really wooden, after all!

To be continued...

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...Trot and Cap'n Bill were free from anxiety and care. Button-Bright never worried about anything. The Scarecrow, not being able to sleep, looked out of the window and tried to count the stars.

"One nation under Dick"

PRICELESS!

But where's the part where the administration kills Paul Wellstone? I guess I'll have to continue my Secret Cervix series.

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"Eat a fucking cock." - attitudechicka

Time for the big finish!

The Puppetmaster - 95 by fuzzyman 11-01-02

BURN EVERYONE! HA HA HA HA HA!! My five dollar burning! Noooooo! Ashley! My hair! Noooooo! Mary-Kate! My hair! Nooooooo! I dudn't want t' die! Noooooo! Needn't Nooooooo!

The Puppetmaster - 96 by fuzzyman 11-01-02

Ha! If the American people only knew that we faked my death and resurrection! They're such fools! Big time! Say... is this microphone on? You think?

The Puppetmaster - 97 by fuzzyman 11-01-02

Sir! The Rhode Islanders are revolting! Their eating habits are disgusting, aren't they? Yes, sir! But what I really mean is that they are attacking with their 39th National Guard bomber wing! Their troops are-- SIR! LOOK OUT!!!!! What--?

The Puppetmaster - 98 by fuzzyman 11-01-02

Dick? Wake up, Dick! Open yer eyes y' big galoot! Wha---? There's y' go! George! You're alive! I thought I'd killed you! Burned you alive! In yer dreams. Apparently so.

The Puppetmaster - 99 by fuzzyman 11-01-02

You don't understand, George! I was a god, worshiped by everyone! Was this before or after y' supposedly transplanted the brain of a cat inta' me? Before. Then the Olsen twins schemed to win my heart. Right around when you invaded Rhode Island. Oh, you are so full of shit, Dick! But... it's true! You invaded Rhode Island! Th' invasion is maybe plausible... But you and the Olsen Twins? What kinda fool do y' take me fer?

[Click to view comic: 'The Puppetmaster - 100: The End']