Too good.  I now have nightmares after seeing Robert De Niro's, Clint Eastwood's, and Goldie Hawn's facial moles in HD.

What would you get if you crossed an elephant with a Playboy bunny?

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"Humiliation is humiliation only when you choose to suffer." ~ Chuck Palahniuk, Choke

One hell of a porno film.

What's Brett Farve's fricking deal?

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You can take the heart out of the hooker but you can't take the hooker out of the heart. -- Frankenhooker

If someone offered me $10 million for a year of work, I'd friggin' take it.

Why does Chigago O'Hare suck so much?

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peddling the funny around since 09/24/2002

It's a side effect of all the airlines trying to vacuum every last penny from your pockets with their fees.

How can people swallow this "sparkly vampire" shit?

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It was such a waste of everyone’s time and money that even the Tokyo stadium’s rape robots apologized– something they were programmed specifically never to do.

It lets them forget, if only for a moment, the ever present threat of real vampires.

What is Brad's administrator password?  (I really need it for something...)

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I was gonna send a robot back in time, but I got high.

It's "boinky33" run through Nostradamus' ternary cryptography.

How do men who wear sock suspenders ever get laid?

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peddling the funny around since 09/24/2002

They use the socks that are now kept upright to hide their giant penises. Hence the sexings.

How does not_Scyess ever get laid?

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More lust than you can shake a stick at.

That is a mystery man was never meant to know.

What would you do for a Klondike Bar?

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It was such a waste of everyone’s time and money that even the Tokyo stadium’s rape robots apologized– something they were programmed specifically never to do.

I would destroy an entire village. Population not to exeed 6,000.

How do people live without air conditioning?

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Kill Whitey.

Very carefully.

When you're in customer service and HELPING THEM, why to people talk to you lower than their worst enemy?

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I will rate you hard, and unendingly.

Because they need someone to blame for all the injustices in their life, and you're willing to listen.

Why does my bank keep stealing money from me?

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Mediocrity at its most average.

Because the banks today don't know the meaning of customer service.

Why is everything written by Hemingway so damn depressing?

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“It is only with the heart that one sees rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.” - The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry (1945)

Because you aren't drunk enough.

Seriously. How can Harry Potter get an outcry from the fundies, but sparkly vampire rape is completely ignored?

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It was such a waste of everyone’s time and money that even the Tokyo stadium’s rape robots apologized– something they were programmed specifically never to do.

That was at the onset. Now there are bible scholars writing papers and books about the parallels between HP and the bible.

Go figure. Maybe they're not as dumb as they sound. Yet I'll still be happier when their religion finally dies.

Why is it so hard to get a decent pizza/pasta dinner in a town with as large a Italian population as Cleveland?

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Kill Whitey.

Because you just haven't found the right place... try Stancato's on State Road.

Where the hell did mandingo disappear to?

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“It is only with the heart that one sees rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.” - The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry (1945)

The baseball season has been hard on all of us.

When did it not become ok to just ruffle a few feathers occasionally for the sake of the greater good, to the point where others existences solely remain to oppose you as if any of the matter means anything at all in the long run anyway?

September 15th, 1997, at about 4:23 pm EST.

 

I haven't read the news in like a month.  What the hell is going on in the world?

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peddling the funny around since 09/24/2002

According to my yahoo pop ups: Scottish officials defend release of Lockerbie bomber, meth can now be made with just a 2 liter bottle and some common household chemicals, and some reality TV guy killed his wife then hung himself.

Oh yeah, and folks are arguing about health care reform.

What's the best sandwich ever?

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Kill Whitey.

A Reuben, heavy on the cheese and corned beef, light on the Thousand Island dressing, and grilled instead of toasted.

How drunk do you have to be to order a drink that comes with a pickled onion in it?

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It was such a waste of everyone’s time and money that even the Tokyo stadium’s rape robots apologized– something they were programmed specifically never to do.

However drunk you'd have to be, it's still not be drunk enough to make you want to fuck Madeleine Albright. That woman is the event horizon of the black hole that is drunken sex.

Is it funny to refer to Fareed Zakaria as Jihad Zakaria, or is it just patently racist?

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Ham-fisted ham fisting.

Funny--ehh.  Racist--no.

What's your favorite TV show and your favorite episode of that show?

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Legend, oh legend, the third wheel legend...always in the way.

Law & Order -- the episode where the kid dies taking his sister to school and it turns out that he had a pacemaker whose expiration date was changed after it was stolen from a second-hand medical supplier, but the battery didn't actually die it was the head of the pacemaker company trying to get his son to sort out bad wires.

It's actually more complicated than that.  Fabulous episode.  One of the early ones, if you want to try to find it (good luck).

When is the last time you liked about your gender just to have sex with a midget?

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peddling the funny around since 09/24/2002

I think you meant, "lied about your gender," so I'll have to answer, "Never." Midgets accept me (and my sexual advances) for who I am.

How many fish are in the sea?

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Chicken Feather Bed Bugs Bunny Hop Sing Out Side Street Walker Texas Ranger Cookie Dough Boy Wonder Years

Last time I went snorkeling, I counted 47.

How do you like them apples?

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peddling the funny around since 09/24/2002

I enjoy Golden Delicious but not Macintosh.

If you could have any superpower, what would it be?

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