How Science Breakthroughs Backfire by ragu4u 7-06-10

It's just a new test for Alzheimer's your son wants us to give you. We can detect it 10 years in advance. Well, OK...I guess. Sir, your mom's tests are back and she DOES have early onset Alzheimer's, but we can easily treat it. It can be treated? Why, yes. Aren't you excited? Screw THAT! I'm going to pack the old bag off to a home now!

Shortcomings by ragu4u 7-06-10

NO...we are NOT hiring. But I was told.... Verne Troyer is NOT the head of Personnel. Now beat it. *sigh*

Cave Cleaning

You "Guano" know where it all came from? Hehe You lil shit.

by ragu4u, 7-06-10

Aroma Therapy by ragu4u 7-07-10

So? You're right. I do smell like a dead pole cat. Thank God. I thought it was ME!

Need To Know Basis by ragu4u 7-07-10

So you don't think it's strange, huh? What's strange? That the CIA has "spooks" doing all the "black-ops". I got a "black-op" for ya. Get me a coffee.

E-Harmony Strikes Again by ragu4u 7-07-10

Behind that door waits my firstest, bestest boyfriend. I'll be right out to play! Oh, snap! Jackpot baby! JACKPOT!

I Hate Retail & It Shows by ragu4u 7-07-10

Are you the manager? Why does every dress in here make me look like hell? Your "look" had a pretty good head start before you walked in, madame. Are you saying I'm ugly? Trust me, I don't need to. You're darned right you don't! HEY! wait a minute!

The BEST of Intentions

Ya put "Round-Up" in the water cooler again, didn't ya? Got something against flavored water?

by ragu4u, 7-08-10

Stinkin Thinkin! by ragu4u 7-08-10

Stuck up bitch! I"m as good as her. Excuse me? Did you say something? Uh uh. Stuck up bitch! I'm as good as her. She worships me. I can tell.

Lil Chen by ragu4u 7-08-10

What? It's just so...so very small. Small? Maybe, but good things come in ... ...small pack... Hey! Where you go?

I was gonna post a reply, but I'm far too busy.

---
Kill Whitey.

Awkward by ragu4u 7-09-10

Aren't you the kid from "The Last Airbender"? Yep. What's with all the ha..... My oncologist said to wear this, asshole!

Goulish Foreplay by ragu4u 7-09-10

Hope new wife know how to give good head. Oh Butchy, come in the bedroom. I'm gonna give you the best head... ...I could find!

That's One Nice Ass

Good morning. Beautiful day, eh?

by ragu4u, 7-10-10

Better Than A "Cracker Jack" Prize

My wife got zis beret in gay Paris for 500 francs in 1955. My wife got mine out of a box of "Breeze Laundry Detergent" she got from the "IGA" in 1960 for a $1.79.

by ragu4u, 7-10-10

"Sic Em" by ragu4u 7-11-10

I understand there were over 58,000 killed in Baghdad in just over 3 months. That's true, but they were only... "You missed one, Haji" ...stray dogs.

Faith in Ones Fellow Man by ragu4u 7-11-10

Lebron James goes to "The Miami Heat." How very disappointing to the fine citizens of the other hopeful towns to which he may have chosen to render his invaluable services. Reports are already coming in from cities not chosen, of riots, looting rapes, and pillaging. Now THEM'S my niggas.

Never Judge a Book... by ragu4u 7-11-10

To the airport, and make it snappy. Oh, so all Arabs are cab drivers, huh? And you're not? Isn't it possible I might also be a suicide bomber? Damn, now I'll never know.

Stripped From the Headlines by ragu4u 7-12-10

Welcome to Brads Pizza Palace. I'm here about what you advertised on your pizza box. Oh, you mean the "TSA" thing? Yes, employment with "Transportation Security Agency", correct? Hey, Chef Napalitano, I thought TSA meant Tomato Sausage & Anchovey. Mmmm. I'll have that as well.

Not Exactly a Fan

24.3 million people were in front of their TV's during the last game of The World Cup. Any of em awake?

by ragu4u, 7-12-10

Always Check For A Pulse

Hey, let me out of here! My act may have died...but I didn't.

by ragu4u, 7-12-10

Remember THIS Phrase? by ragu4u 7-12-10

If I dood it, I dit a whippin... I dood it! Arghhhh!!!

"Take a letter!" by ragu4u 7-13-10

Not again? What's wrong with the mail service NOW? It SUCKS! Not only did the guy deliver it torn open, it was mailed 3 months ago. Well, you know the postal service is being forced to make several changes. The Following Day...... What NOW? Stamps are going up and we're cutting out Saturday delivery. Say, can I use your shitter?

Bela Lugosi, Who? by ragu4u 7-13-10

How come I get no auditions for the "Twilight" films? Sorry, Bela. Now, it's all about T & A and tight abs. Abs? You want abs? I'll show you abs. You gotta loose the purple sport coat, Boobie! Oh, sorry. How's this? Nice deltoids but the one inch legs are a deal breaker.

Steinbrenner Family Attorney by ragu4u 7-14-10

BREAKING NEWS! The owner of The New York Yankees has just died. Harriet, e-mail this to the rest of the Steinbrenner family..."Thank goodness that... ...George timed this just right. He just saved you $500 million in Estate taxes."