fpd

Tentacle rape.  Wait, I already have that power.  Waffles?

Speaking of waffles, how much rat jizz does it take to engulf an entire box of eggos?

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I will rate you hard, and unendingly.

That is a question wrongly asked.

If it's less than a 10 year difference is the woman still a cougar?

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Mediocrity at its most average.

No.

You ever been in a turkish prison?

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It was such a waste of everyone’s time and money that even the Tokyo stadium’s rape robots apologized– something they were programmed specifically never to do.

Not that I recall, but I have been in a Turkish bath house--hence my nickname in the region of Balikesir--  "Turkish Delight".

Do you ever have the feeling that Kellog's and the Pop Tarts company is just calling you stupid and fat by coming out with  flavors like Strawberry Milkshake and Ice Cream Sandwich?

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Have you ever noticed how Massachusetts looks like a drunk Possum passed out against a dumpster?

If so, the jokes on them, because I've never heard of those flavors.

Are there any celebrities that you'd do your job for absolutely free, just so you could say you've serviced a celebrity?  If so, what celebrity/celebrities, and what job?

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"He was cursed with a horrorshow of a face, like Guiseppe Archbold doing a study of mollusk tumors."

I don't quite understand your question...but I'd snake Megan Fox's drain.  I would also toss Johnny Depp's salad.

If you could fight any celebrity, who would you fight? Who'd be tough?

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Shhhh...I know.

Paris Hilton, and I'd be sure to let her get a couple of blows in.

If a chick won't let you do her in the bung, is it okay to choke her out... then do her in the bung so that when she wakes up, she doesn't remember it?

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bigworm

Sure, if you don't have any roofies, which is your preferred method of getting a date into the right state of mind.

Are figs introverts or extroverts?

Trick question - they're mega-perverts.

Who would you cast in a gritty remake of the film "Cool As Ice"?

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"He was cursed with a horrorshow of a face, like Guiseppe Archbold doing a study of mollusk tumors."

Gregory Peck every time

if Jesus were a pot pie, and your mom made Him with cornbread on the side, is it hypocritical to say grace?

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what if nigger meant kite

Only if Jesus didn't willingly give his life for the pot-pie, because really, why thank him if we had to do all the work?

Can you think of three uses for buffalo that the Native Americans didn't think of?

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"He was cursed with a horrorshow of a face, like Guiseppe Archbold doing a study of mollusk tumors."

1) Sex Toy

2) Buffalo Wings

3) Way to get rid of those paleface bastards

Where did you kids hide my insulin?

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Chicken Feather Bed Bugs Bunny Hop Sing Out Side Street Walker Texas Ranger Cookie Dough Boy Wonder Years

We mixed it into your coffee creamer.

Am I the only person who looks at Disney movies as an adult and thinks Prince Charming looks more and more like a creepy sexual deviant than anything else?

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It was such a waste of everyone’s time and money that even the Tokyo stadium’s rape robots apologized– something they were programmed specifically never to do.

Prince Charming (R-UT) declined to comment.

When is the Star Wars community going to stop George Lucas from fucking with the Star Wars movies, and by stop, I mean stop buying them?

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You can take the heart out of the hooker but you can't take the hooker out of the heart. -- Frankenhooker

When he stops coating them with the heroin and ecstasy we're addicted to.

How many Hollywood executives will I have to strangle before they stop raping my childhood with movies like the Smurfs?

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It was such a waste of everyone’s time and money that even the Tokyo stadium’s rape robots apologized– something they were programmed specifically never to do.

Strangling won't work, they're into that weird crap.  I suggest a nice, hard-to-construe-as-kinky-sex stabbing with a steak knife.

What's the best thing one could spent $10 on?

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"He was cursed with a horrorshow of a face, like Guiseppe Archbold doing a study of mollusk tumors."

A blowjob from a crackwhore, because after you shoot your wad, you can bludgeon her to death, and no one gives a shit, and it was all for $10.00!

Does a crackwhore not enjoy smoking crack because underneath it all she knows she's a whore?

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bigworm

A: あなたの売春婦が割れていたら、新しいものを買いなさい

Q: Che cosa è il significato di Pagliacci?

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Chicken Feather Bed Bugs Bunny Hop Sing Out Side Street Walker Texas Ranger Cookie Dough Boy Wonder Years

A: The show must go on fire.

Q: Are we not men?

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-=- You eat one lousy foot and they call you a cannibal. What a world. -=-

A: Negative, we are meat popsicles.

Q: Can Cthulhu drive a man so mad that he ceases to believe in Cthulhu?

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"He was cursed with a horrorshow of a face, like Guiseppe Archbold doing a study of mollusk tumors."

A: Yes, but only through torturous amounts of pronouncing the names of every member of his bloodline and having him repeat each one three times correctly.

Q: If you pop an ecstacy pill and piss what feels like liquid razors, is it liquid razors or did the ecstacy pill you pop have an effect on your piss?

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You have my most solemn and honourbound of vows that clicking this link will not direct you to a youtube video of a rick roll

A. Liquid razors.

Q. If Tony Orlando wants a rimjob, where does he get one?

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Poop.

on his sphincter.

what are those little white bits you find in sausage?

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what if nigger meant kite