Basic Instinks by ragu4u 8-17-10

You may speak whatever you wish in the confessional, my child. Father, I have no friends. People avoid me. In fact, they hate me. 5 Minutes Later... Go now my child and do as I have commanded. Yes, Father. Welcome to 7-11. "Binaca", "Right Guard" and "Summers Eve", please.

Pot n Kettle

Dr. Laura thrown off radio for repeatedly saying "nigga". Thems my niggas!

by ragu4u, 8-18-10

The Fall From Stardom by ragu4u 8-18-10

The name's Steven...Steven Tyler. You fell from the stage a while back. Did you get pushed this time. Yeah, that's the ticket. I'll go with that. It was a big black gal, like Serena Williams. So that's what the lady looked like? Lady looks like a dude, dude! Ouch! I asked fore that!

Teacher's Pet by ragu4u 8-19-10

You students need to get on the ball around here. Geez.. And YOU...you get an "A"! Sweet!

"We Report & Hopefully, You Fall For It!" by ragu4u 8-19-10

Mr. President, I understand you are leaving for yet ANOTHER vacation. This time to Martha's Vineyard, correct? Damn...this was supposed to be on the down low. You know us here at Fox News, sir. We like to hold your feet to the fire. And sometimes you get a little carried a.... Burn, baby, burn! ..WAAAAAY! Ouch, mutha fu...! Michelle, get the damn "Unguintene".

In Poor Taste by ragu4u 8-20-10

Vacationing in the Waters Around Martha's Vineyard... Hey, Michelle..you taste shit? I'm tasting shit. Big deal, Barack. That happens whenever I kiss you.

The Finest Stemware by ragu4u 8-20-10

I'll say one thing, Father Joe. And that is? Mad Dog 20/20 always tastes better when sipped from...."The Holy Grail." Indubitably!

Preoccupied by ragu4u 8-21-10

Here's a disturbing trend, Barack honey. Mmm hmm. "Jersey Shore" is THE most popular show on Broadcast or Cable TV! Mmm hmm. This can't be a good indicator of public mental health or morality. "Slap dat ass, Situation. Slap dat ass." Oh...you talkin to me, Michelle?

He's Somme-lier, He Is by ragu4u 8-21-10

Would you care to view the wine list, sir? I'll have the Mogen David 2010. Excellent choice, sir. For drawing Heeb ants.

Failure To Communicate by ragu4u 8-21-10

What are you doing way out here, Sister? ack Excuse me, Sister? ack ack Wait here a moment while I clean these foggy glasses. ack?

Be More Specific! by ragu4u 8-24-08

Hey fairy, how's about granting me a wish? Such as? Make me a fly on the wall in Lindsey Lohans bathroom. I can do that. You stupid fairy, I was assuming you would downsize me. Bitch, bitch, bitch!

No Respect by ragu4u 8-21-10

You smell like my baby brother. Well, dear child, it's my Gardenia scented body powder. Uh uh. He smells like piss & shit. Little pigeon chested, Jackanapes!

Timberrrrrrrrrrr! by ragu4u 8-21-10

Ahem...I think that I shall never see, a poem lovely as... "Beat it" ...a TREE!

At the "Monster's Ball" by ragu4u 8-22-10

Hey T, wha's sup? Yo, Zilla. Just waiting for my agent to call. These Super Heros been messin wit my livelyhood. I feel ya, bro. Did ya catch me in "Cloverfield"? You were awesome, dude...but nowhere near my work in Jurrasic Pork. I haven't eaten ham since.

Brain Food by ragu4u 8-22-10

Hey...never bite the hand that feeds ya! I'm not THAT stupid. I was going for your head!

Now You're Talking My Language by ragu4u 8-23-10

The Justice Dept. has just put out a request for "Ebonic" translators... ...which will help in deciphering world wide gang threats. Fo shizzel my dizzel. I gots ta axe my peeps to represent dis on da down low. Ya feel me? Blah, blah dizzle. Blah blah blah shizzle. Blah blah homies. Blah, cribs..blah blah blah! What the...?And the U.S. think THEY need translators!

R.S.V.P. by ragu4u 8-23-10

What'll it be? Fried chicken? Snoots? Watermelon? Grits? Mustard Greens? A "Raspberry Gelato", si vu play. Hey man, I don't concoct no Haitian Voodoo shit here! My dear man, I consider it an insult that you would automatically stereo type me due to the color of my skin. I'll see this outrage is promptly dealt with. Hey! What the..? I warned you it would be prompt!

Dump da Dump Dump by ragu4u 8-23-10

Kneel, beast. Kneel before your master. Huh? Kneel, I say! Kneel, or wreak my wrath! Oh yeah? ...Reek THIS! Clean up on pathway ONE!

The Fix by ragu4u 8-24-10

The NEED! ..but we're dying in squalor here and yet you demand more & more eggs. People NEED their eggs. Now start putting out, damnit. The PROBLEM No way. We're going on strike. Somehow, I gotta get these chickens laying again. The SOLUTION I haven't seen this "Henny Penny Does Dallas" before. Have you? Not yet, but we're about to. Say, does your cushion vibrate, too?

Judge Not by ragu4u 8-24-10

Have you seen... ...Bigworm's Sock Puppet Comic? Yeah. Well? Raunch with a capital R, right? Not necessarily. He needs to look into his colo-rectal fetish and find his inner self-loathing. So you're gonna shove his head up his ass, am I right? Now who's the raunchy one?

Tickling Her Fancy

NO! Just because it smells like fish doesn't mean she's a mermaid!

by ragu4u, 8-24-10

Secret Santa by ragu4u 8-25-10

Ho, Ho, Ho! I SAID...HO, HO, HO! The other two are running late.

Understatement by ragu4u 8-25-10

I'm not even gonna look at you! Baby, you ain't had sex till you had it with me. So I guess YOUR schlong reaches the floor, huh? Uh yeah! In fact, it's Dragon.

Blaking News by ragu4u 8-25-10

You ever see our Japanese TV News Porn? You mean where hot news babes get facials while doing the news? Oh yeah. Wouldn't you like to see U.S. news babes do that? The only facial I'd like Katy Couric to get is... ...by a chain saw! You're a sick puppy!

Leverage by ragu4u 8-26-10

Looking at your performance review, I gotta let you go. Oh really? In fact, you're lucky I don't have you arres.... YOU'RE gonna let ME go? The guy who knows how much YOU'VE embezzeled? Hold on now. You didn't let me finish. I've gotta let you go, alright...on a, company paid, world cruise, that is. And don't forget my raise.