"Travel Channel"...Take 1 by ragu4u 11-29-10

Here we are in beautiful.... South Korea. Land of... Damn it. "CUT"

Out of Touch by ragu4u 11-29-10

Mr. President, you must get control of this "Wiki-Leaks" situation. He does have great abs doesn't he? Michelle points them out, regularly. Abs? What abs, sir? "The Situation's". My God man, YOU brought him up. YOU control him. Situation? Abs? I don't follow, sir. I'm talking about severe leaks. Just have him lay off coffee and grapefruit juice. They're diuretics, you know!

"Game" Day by ragu4u 11-29-10

The Denver Broncos, Wink Martindale, has performed magic today. Wink? Magic? No funny stuff, Wink. Remember what almost happened to you on "Tic Tac Dough"?

A Dangerous Homonym by ragu4u 11-29-10

In your country, do women still get stoned for adultry? Most definitely. Just around the corner... Did you hear Abe & the Arab at the watercooler? Sure did. Don't forget, you'll need condoms, your marriage license & a plane ticket. Doing that now. You think they'll let me use a bong or a hooka?

Tact Lack by ragu4u 11-29-10

Did you model for Picasso? Die, maggot! Is that a NO?

From the News Today (kinda) by ragu4u 11-29-10

271 Picassos were just found in France. Do tell! An electrician & his wife who worked for Picasso stuffed them in a trunk. Really? Recovery must have been near impossible.   ?   Pierre, pass me that recipricating saw, will ya?

Near Death Experience by ragu4u 11-29-10

I was stuck in that deep dark hole for what seemed like forever. Do tell. It was smothering. The stinking damp stench. The filthy slime all around. I prayed death would come soon . But when you were finally pulled free and could once again breathe fresh air you continued to choke. What happened? Wait, don't leave. What caused you to keep choking? Choking? I was heaving. You try having sex for 20 minutes with Aretha Franklin and see what YOU do!

No Pain, No Gain by ragu4u 11-30-10

Madonna's Gym ...Mexico City You're my personal trainer? That is only a ruse. You are my mule. Now bend over & spread those cheeks. You mean like a "drug" mule? Si! After I insert them I will then ramrod them in place. Quickly. I don't have all day! Geez...and I bitched when he strapped them to my back.

Con-Decending by ragu4u 11-30-10

Maybe we make cereal with little Irish dwarfs? You mean Leprechauns? "Lucky Charms" already used them. What do convicts with a skin disease got to do with making cereal? Not leper cons, you idiot..."Leprechauns"! Ah so, so sorry! Hey, it wasn't bad for a chink.

Many Are Called/Few Are Chosen by ragu4u 12-01-10

This plane hasn't left the ground yet and it's chaos. This ain't a plane you dumb ass... It's the waiting room for stewardess applicants.

The Second Job by ragu4u 12-01-10

Excuse me, but there is someone very odd in ladies langerie. Let me just go and see about THAT! May I have a word with you? I hired you as a store detective and, as such, I expected you to blend in more. Whatcha bitchin about? This is the langerie dept. ain't it? I'm blendin..I'm blendin!

He Ate The Whole Thing by ragu4u 12-02-10

Mama, come quick. This man ate ALL my cereal. What the fuck lady? I'm a cereal killer...so sue me!

Impregnate Me Baby, One More Time by ragu4u 12-02-10

...happy birthday Britny Spheres, happy birthday to you! Ya'll kin kiss my lilly white Southern Louisianna ass! Worthless slut! Father me a baby you big studly, hunk!

Lip Service by ragu4u 12-03-10

Mrs. Obama, is there any truth to the rumor that your hubby got the cut lip from wild sex, not football? Wild sex? I'll show you wild sex you cracker assed white boy. MICHELLE! What goes on in here? Why does that reporters face look like a glazed donut? He's explaining football, Barry. Something about his NOSE tackle splitting my TIGHT END. I smell poo.

Frosty the Klansman by ragu4u 12-03-10

Hayden, Idaho Damn, dat snowman be lookin real! Too real. I needs to git me my equalizer. Aw shit! Let's just see how fast yo ass melts.

Visiting the Troops by ragu4u 12-04-10

Hello, soldier. WOW! You sure snuck up on us here on the battlefield, President Obama! Gang raping the local burkha brigade, were you? No way, sir. It's all by the book here, sir. Tight & right all the way. "Hoo ha", sir! Damn shame, boy. You're missing some fine taint under that burlap. Get yourself some. That's an order! No can do. sir! I'm ga...uh...I'm not good with girls. But I'll sure be glad to suck down a a turban type.

Gettin Smote by ragu4u 12-04-10

How could you blame God because you dropped a crucial pass? It's easy. You think I"M about to take the heat for that bumble-headed, butterfingered, lapse of coordination, when I can .... ...lay it off on God as easy as pie, with no repercussions? If ya do then you be trippin balls, dude. No repercussions, huh? What?

"E-Mail" and Save a Tree by ragu4u 12-04-10

I'll be gone for a week. Hold my mail, OK? I'll pick it up. You sure? Yup. A week later... Here's the electric bill. All the rest is junk mail. Really? I usually get more.

Q & A With Charlie Manson by ragu4u 12-05-10

How did you get a cell phone, Charlie? When ya buy one ya get one free, stupid. Oh yeah! Duh.

Even Exchange by ragu4u 12-05-10

What the hell is going on with this new Droid phone? Damn thing sounds like it's about to... I'm sorry. When the phone exploded your husbands body was left almost unrecognizable. I wanted a Wii anyway. Now if I can just find the darn receipt.

On the Dole by ragu4u 12-05-10

Can you spare some change for bus fare? Jobless because of this darned administration, huh? Actually, no. My Lexus broke down and I don't wanna miss supper at theSalvation Army. You may have to sell that car to live. Screw THAT. I lease a new one every 3 years. They're generally very dependable. Heck, I haven't missed a meal at the shelter in a decade.

Family Resemblance by ragu4u 12-05-10

Mommy? Who? Obviously, you don't recall... ...that one night stand with Jeff Goldblume.

The Head Processor by ragu4u 12-05-10

Melbourne, Australia R.I.P Sarel Singh. What? Too soon?

The Constable by ragu4u 12-05-10

I say there, Bobby? Bobby? Cat got your tongue, old boy? For a Bobby, you certainly show a lack of respect. First of all, the name's Nigel, guvna.

Meow Mix by ragu4u 12-06-10

I'll have a cup of that "Kopi Luwak", please. Sure thing. It'll be just a sec.   ?   Ugh, oh. Oh yeah, umf, umf, aahhhh! Um....I'll come back later. Wait! It won't be steaming hot, then!