And You Wonder Why..... by ragu4u 12-06-10

The Progressive School If there are no teachers and no homework given here, how do kids learn? Take a peek in that classroom. Now back to "Debbie Does Dallas Elementary". Jeepers!. She HAD to have had her gag muscle removed. So they learn through virtual bad examples? It was the only curriculum the government was willing to fund.

Joke Courtesy of John Edwards by ragu4u 12-06-10

Why yes...I am Elizabeth Edwards. What the hell, babe? You still got a nice rack. Not for long, horn dog. Bummer. What? Too soon?

Mr. Badwrench by ragu4u 12-06-10

There ya go, sir. Milage problem fixed good as new. With gas close to $3.00 a gallon, it had BETTER get fantastic milage. In that case.... ...let me fine tune it a little more till the gas prices drop.

The Cold Snap by ragu4u 12-07-10

...and then you said "Let's vacation in Miami". Hey ease up a little. Our vacation is ruined, dumbass. Not totally. I hear they just about got Disneyworld shoveled out.

Hidden Research, Discovered by ragu4u 12-07-10

What the....? A TOILET cam! Who would have ever guessed? 30% Boxers, 20% Briefs, 40% Boxer/Briefs and... ...10% Commando!

How It's Gonna Go Down by ragu4u 12-08-10

Did ya hear? Wal-Mart is installing vending machines for wine. Ya just gotta pass a breath test.   !   Granny, breathe in that contraption so I can buy a bottle of Thunderbird, or I'll kill ya. How did this happen to this sweet old lady. The evil Wal-Mart, in essence, FORCED her grandson to kill her.

A Helping Hand

So, do you want a hand in the kitchen or not?

by ragu4u, 12-08-10

Double Dipping by ragu4u 12-08-10

At the "Ointment Convention" Contrary to popular belief, "Vagisil" & "Preparation H" smell identical. You lie, and we can prove it. How dare you interupt. If my girgriend will just cooperate. Bend over, Baby! Here ya go. Sniff for yourself.

Dry Humor by ragu4u 12-08-10

Crackers? Peanut Butter? Have you no pity? Bwahahahaha! Stay thirsty, my friend!

Un-security by ragu4u 12-09-10

Hackers have struck and parlyzed all the major credit card companies. Limits have been removed from ALL credit lines. Oh my lord...there will be chaos. Hey dad, now that I'm 16, can I get a car? Sure, son. Go quickly. Here, use my credit card. Get yourself a nice Lambo. In fact, get two! This proves it. I'm adopted!

The Natural Woman by ragu4u 12-09-10

Tell me sir, how do you feel about the news that Aretha Franklin has cancer? Actually, I think it's about time she got her wish. Really? Damn straight. That bitch been tryin to loose weight for years.

Drawing First Blood by ragu4u 12-09-10

Ok, send in prisoner number 7654567...formerly known as SNIPES, Wesley! What? No "Plasma" TV? Stand down, Snipes. That "Blade" shit don't carry no weight in MY cell block!

The British Royals by ragu4u 12-10-10

I dare say, daddy, you musn't go out with Camilla again. The angry crowd would have ravaged her, and done who knows what to YOU. You need not worry for Camilla Phillip... Trained in the martial arts, is she daddy? No Phillip, just uglier than sin. They wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole. But YOU touch her, papa. In fact, you were dumping mumsy for her. I do beleive there is one more spot on the front lines available in some god forsaken 3rd world country we're trying to destroy, that I can send that sassy mouth to, boy.

Get References by ragu4u 12-10-10

Thank you for watching Snookums at the last minute, Butch. You seem like a nice guy & I'm sure she'll be no problem. I'm pretty much fucked here, ain't I? Uh huh!

Duh! by ragu4u 12-11-10

Yeah, he was hit by a big rig going 60 MPH and his body landed here.... ...and here... Will he make it? ...and here, but his name wasn't Willie. So he died, then?

What "Tax Cuts For The Rich"? by ragu4u 12-11-10

Tell me sir, as the richest man in the United States, how can you justify getting a 50% tax cut? I'm glad you asked that, young man. I'd like you to know MY taxes have NEVER been cut by even one penny. And why do you expect us to believe THAT, sir? Because I don't pay any taxes.

Entitlements by ragu4u 12-12-10

You are SO ungrateful! ...and I don't want any "knockoff" crap this year like last year. You can't get EVERYTHING you want! Well, I better have some thigh high, leather, "street walker" boots on these legs, or I'll scream! Go ahead and scream but those boots won't help you turn any more tricks than last year. Come closer. I've decided to be a "dope" pusher!

Rockin Around the Christmas Tree

It's true but I'll never cheat on you again. Assume the "stoning" position, woman!

by ragu4u, 12-12-10

Why There Is 10.6% Unemployment by ragu4u 12-12-10

Then you REALLY don't want a job, do you? I do but I ain't gonna hold no lantern on your front lawn, wearing a jockey outfit. Liberal freeloader.

Chernobyl Opens Soon to Tourism by ragu4u 12-13-10

The Chernobyl Board of Tourism thank you for coming. Chernobyl? What happened to "The Holiday at MInsk"? Hey, suddenly, I don't feel so good. No problem. If you collapse, we find body very quick. You be glowing for hundred years, at least.

The Clinic by ragu4u 12-13-10

What's the difference between an oral & rectal thermometer? Basically.... ...the shit taste.

Prehistoric Pitchman by ragu4u 12-14-10

But I tell ya doc, I"M the original "Death Merchant". Veel see. Un step into zee time machine, if you please. Seconds later.... What the..? "Come to where the flavor is. Come to Marlboro Country!" Give it up. That shit'll kill ya. No matter who ya work for. L.S.M.F.T. "Lucky Strike means fine tobacco." *cough, cough*

Hollywood Hard Time

And let the last 1 hour and 15 minutes be a lesson to ya, Miss Lohan. Like, whatever.

by ragu4u, 12-14-10

Gone Postal by ragu4u 12-15-10

Got more for the big guy. Bills? Actually, no. I think it's Timmy's. Oh Santa, Braindead is here with the mail! Who's he calling "Braindead", Mr. Ives? Read my lips. I'm Santa Claus, not Burl Ives.

Warming the Yule Log by ragu4u 12-15-10

Santa, we ain't got no chim-en-y, so how'd ya get in? Well little sweetie, your mama let me in her back door. Damn! You too? Dem bitches be all alike. Ho-Ho-Ho She sho is! By the way, thanks fer the K-Y and the condoms.