Turban Sprawl by ragu4u 12-15-10

Allah be praised. Wiki-Leaks is our CIA information "golden goose". So I must now go and find a safe place to sift over all this information. Alas, same problem as usual. Nowhere for a Taliban member to safely take a leak.

Paranoid by ragu4u 12-15-10

Jeepers...I've won CC465. I never win anything. This must be a plot of some kind. The underworld is out to mock ragu4u and make me a laughing stock. But I'm way too smart for them. From now on I'll type only with my left hand and confuse those bastards to no end. Bwahahaha! Put me to sleep, Lefty!

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Long Live the "KING" by ragu4u 12-16-10

You think "Talk TV" will ever be the same without Larry King? Uh..... ...who? How quickly they forget. Who the hell wears suspenders anymore?

Casual Friday

...but... Not quite THAT casual, if you please!

by ragu4u, 12-17-10

Depth Perception by ragu4u 12-17-10

May I help you, Doctor? Yes. Where is the patient who needs this? First of all, what is it? A rectal thermometer. Follow me to Oprah's room. I should have guessed.

The Broken Wishboner by ragu4u 12-18-10

I sure can't wait to get home to MY Christmas gobbler. Oh? What? So you have a roomy? I'm referring to a turkey, Bruce! I can HOPE, can't I?

Is it..."When the Blade Hits the Fan"? by ragu4u 12-18-10

I so want Wesley Snipes...I so want Wesley Snipes...I so It's gonna cost ya. Anything...I'll do ANYTHING! I'm his biggest fan. Alrighty then... Geez, does Wesely have a sense of humor. You better hope so.

Home Schooled by ragu4u 12-18-10

Why do you think all the stars have their own "sex tape"? I'm no expert, mind you... ...but maybe to keep their condoms from slipping off? No?

On the Verge of Extinction by ragu4u 12-18-10

Holy cow. I never thought I would see one of YOU guys. We are pretty impressive up close, aren't we? Quick....Everybody, come look at what I've found. "I'm ready for my close up Mr. DeMille." It's a.... "NEWSPAPER READER" Aaaaak!?!?!?!

"Getting A Leg Up" on the Competition by ragu4u 12-19-10

The Winter Solstice and Lunar Eclipse overlap for the 1st time in 456 years, Monday night. Did she say solstice or poultice? Who is SHE & what are you watching? If Lunar means moon, I think somebody who won a corn plaster is gonna put it on their ass but they needed it done 456 years ago. Someone has to teach those news reader girls how to sit while wearing mini skirts.

Vernacular, Dropped by ragu4u 12-19-10

I want you to promise never to smoke that "Saliva" stuff like that Miley Cyrus, girl. Oh, cross my heart, Papa. Never! What an angel, she is. Saliva? What a stupid douche-bag.

3 Day Pass by ragu4u 12-20-10

Man, I don't know how this open gayness in the army is gonna work out, Sarge. Forget about it you meat head. You better have that talk stowed away when I get back. Affirmative, Sarge, I mean it soldier. I'll bust your ass down to buck private and put you on KP forever. Now , man-up! I'm outta here. Seconds later... Forget something, Sarge? A goodnight kiss would be nice.

Finally, An Empty Nester by ragu4u 12-20-10

You're gay? Well, don't worry. Your signature is still good. We take gays now. WHAT? Later at home.... You said they wouldn't take a queer, mama. Oh no. My only son in gonna go away for two years and most likely be killed in a horrible, horrible way. Huh? Yeeeeee ha! Oh yeah, it's my birthday. Oh yeah, it's my birth......

Sign Language

I've come in peace! Aw, Bullshit!

by ragu4u, 12-20-10

Dating "The Jew" by ragu4u 12-21-10

You just drank a $3000 bottle of wine. You know what I expect from you now, don't you? Um........sex? Damn straight but first you gotta distract the waiter while I climb out the bathroom window. What a cheepskate. HEY! There's NO damn window in here. I thought "those people" could make miracle wine.

Eddie Haskel: The Early Years by ragu4u 12-21-10

Here lady...take my arm and I'll help ya cross the street. Yieeee Ooops! Help! I've fallen & I can't get up! Quit bitchin. Fallin in an open man hole ain't nothing to being run over.

Deliveries Around Back by ragu4u 12-21-10

Let's get a drink at the bar. OK? Oh my, those seats are awfully high up. I tend to fall off after drinking a few beers. Don't worry. I can always shove your stool in for you. I really will. Fine. But let's be back before the bar closes.

Santa Knows by ragu4u 12-22-10

I vant ...... I know. I know. A "plasma" TV, right? Ba dump bump!

The "Santa" Clause by ragu4u 12-22-10

...to wit, you will hereafter be known as party of the first part, taking full possession of all properties forfeited by myself, party of the second part, and willfully will maintain said property... ...to the best of your abilities in accordance with all tennants of this Christian Holiday known as Christmas. Do we have a deal? I'm a Muslim. Who are you? In that case, wait here kid. Lemme get ya a "Snuggie" off the sled as a consolation prize. It's suitable for use as a prayer rug.

Over There by ragu4u 12-22-10

Hello, Bobby? Oh, Bobby? The name's Officer Anthony. You got a problem with that, Mac? I say, I jolly wish I were back in England!

Minor Alterations by ragu4u 12-22-10

Dad, if you could do it all over, what would you change? To the hot tub! OK, Dad!

Dog Days by ragu4u 12-22-10

"Fleas Navidad". Beaner!

Can't We All Just "Cum Together"? by ragu4u 12-23-10

Is that the "Kama Sutra" in action? Uh uh....It's the E. U.! E.U.? European Union

The Big "O" by ragu4u 12-23-10

Santa's Workshop This guy wants Santa to send him a mood light to masturbate by. It's kinky, but I got it right here. Don't forget this one, Santa. Just in time. Xmas Morning Jack-O-Lantern, at your service! So THAT'S what the "O" stands for?

Holiday Clarification by ragu4u 12-24-10

Ah...ah...AHCHOOOO! See? THAT proves it. Proves what? I'm the REAL reason for the sneezin. Oy vey!