He sure did.

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100 pounds of shit in a 25 pound sack.

Did what?

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I ate a hooker half a bottle of knife.

Well, at least my contest gets to be the one with the most replies to it, by far.
I'll go off somwhere and pretend that makes me important now.

Hey guys! sorry I'm late... did I miss anything?

You just missed a big-tittied stripper! Ok, it was really just gabe in a bikini, but it was still quite satisfying.

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I ate a hooker half a bottle of knife.

That's all well and good, but what about the artichoke hearts? I wrote a reminder in variously-coloured pastels on the foreheard of Archbishop Desmond Tutu, so I have no idea what happened to my underpants.

My hoofs itch.

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I'm not illogical - I'm big-boned.