One Track Mind by ragu4u 1-27-11

Humans and Orangutans DNA are found to be 97% the same. Hey! Chimps were supposed be more human-ish. You know what I just heard about them no good knuckle dragging low lifes? Uh...... They re-elected Charlie Rangle?

Was Enola Really Gay? by ragu4u 1-27-11

China will create one new city with 42 million residents. I've heard they will combine nine cities northwest of Hong Kong to do this. I wonder what they will call it? Maybe this American will have a suggestion. Well? Ground Zero, mother fuckers. Ground Zero!

What's In A Name? by ragu4u 1-27-11

Would that be a cleaver or more of a machete? Hey gringo, es su hora de morir. I"ll go with "Machete".

Marching in a Circle by ragu4u 1-28-11

On good authority MSNBC is planning to... ...replace Keith Olberman, the former host of "Countdown",... ...with Alec Baldwin! To the left,.. to the left,.. to the left, left, LEFT!

Discipline: By Julie Schenecker by ragu4u 1-28-11

Tampa, Fla. If you two don't shut your sassy mouths I'm gonna blow your shit away! Shove it, ma! I'll fuckin do what I want, bitch! I warned em!

It's a Dry Heat! by ragu4u 1-28-11

Teacher, we're going to Egypt on vacation & my dad wants to know what to wear? It's much hotter there than here in Mississippi so wear light colored clothing that reflects sunlight. In Egypt Why is everybody else on the trip looking at daddy so funny, mama. They just don't like daddy's play clothes, darlin. You're kidding, right? What?

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Leaders Should Enunciate

________________________________________ Damnit, Wizard. I cleary said we are here to plunder. PLUNDER! Oops. My bad.

by ragu4u, 1-29-11

He Cum a Runnin by ragu4u 1-29-11

I got here as fast as I could. Bless me Father for I have sinned.... So I'm here to listen your confession? Sure. What else, Father? Shut the fuck up. I'm outta here. I'm too old for you anyway, perv.

Kickin the Tires by ragu4u 1-29-11

Yes this is an "S" Type vehicle. "S" for safety, you know. But I need more room. Do you have an "S" Type Van? Why yes. We have the Cargo Model "S" Van. Perfect. What could be better for me than the... ..."S" Cargo Van?

Outspoken Youth by ragu4u 1-29-11

You are shivering, my dear. Yeah Santa. It's so cold in here my nipples will cut glass. Be still my throbbing pecker. Sorry, my brain just locked up on that visual! Maybe my girlfriend will massage my breasts to warm them up.

Family Affair by ragu4u 1-29-11

Need a lift? Sure do. Will you contribute for the gas? You're kidding me, right? I'm dead serious. Why? Cause my ancestors ARE the gas.

All Washed Up by ragu4u 1-30-11

Why do you smoke those disgusting things? Why do YOU do laundry? What? You see, we both have our filthy habits.

Hope Springs Infernal by ragu4u 1-30-11

A shark is coming. I'll try and draw him away. At least I won't get eaten alive. Good god...he did it! There's still hope. We Piranhas can smell hope a mile away.

The Self Conscious Male by ragu4u 1-30-11

Turn around. And again. Go with a Sombrero. It's the bald spot, right?

Snow Bird by ragu4u 1-31-11

It's gonna drop to 20 below and we're gettin 18 more inches of snow. Just think how cold it would be without all this global warming. Now yer just TRYING to piss me off. I never should have moved here to Miami.

Parental Involvement by ragu4u 1-31-11

I need to speak to you about your son. What'd the little sack o shit do this time? He kidnapped and hung a 13 year old, middle eastern boy, upside down behind the highschool. He did? So you do see the wrongness in that behavior? Wrongness? You better believe it. He shoulda hung him out front like I told em.

Parental Involvement... Pt.2 by ragu4u 1-31-11

So did you get your boy down safely? Yes, but first that boy humiliated him. In what way? He made the girl cheerleaders get naked and rub their bodies upon my son's body. Uh............ Wipe your mouth, sir!

No "Story Book" Ending by ragu4u 2-01-11

Aww. You'll find your other "Winnie the Pooh" friends in the kids section. You think I'm "Eeyore", don't ya lady? You're not? Then tell me, who are you? I'd rather show ya. By the way...ever been to Tijuana? *gulp*

Why Postage Is Going Up! by ragu4u 2-01-11

Finally! I've been in line for two hours. Want Somethin? I'm next. So you are...after lunch! But I.... Talk to the hand!

CC 469 Ignorance IS Bliss by ragu4u 2-01-11

Again, what does that little bird of yours do for a living? Beats me, guvna! Ok big boy...who's yer mama? WHO"S YER MAMA, I say? Oh yeah, baby. Harder. Beat me harder. Again, what does that little bird of yours do for a living? Beats me, guvna.

Things Are Tough All Over by ragu4u 2-02-11

Things are currently terrible where I'm from. Do tell. Riots in the streets, no faith in the leader, the masses being walked on by the elitists. The people will no longer stand for this. Murbarek has run your country for thirty plus years. You're saying his time is up, eh? Mubarek? I was born & raised in California, dude. Back to you, Wolffe.

The Blood Hound by ragu4u 2-02-11

Hey, isn't your daughter about due to have her first period? *sniff, sniff* Soon. Real soon.

Hurry...send a black & white!" by ragu4u 2-03-11

With these rolling blackouts the Super Bowl Stadium will be freezing. You see a problem? The refs won't do the game if it's too cold. I hired a new crew, boss. Meet the new head ref. You? Whistles...we'll need flags & whistles!

Mama Knows Best by ragu4u 2-03-11

Get back to work, where I put you. OK, Ok! But ma.... You need to dump that Bible thumping wife of yours and move in with that fudge-packer you work with.

Holding Up Production by ragu4u 2-04-11

What now? If you're sure you still wanna do this, get undressed. I think I'm ready. Let's not take any chances. You better wear protection. Am I good to go now? Yeah, maybe ya better just GO & send in the next guy!