The Comeback by ragu4u 3-25-11

Oh no. This water has 10,000 times more radiation than a human can stand. This even worse than when "Godzilla" attacked. You remember what radiation did to us in the 50's? Yes. Too well! Grandpa told me enough radiation would make me frisky as he was. "BONSI!!!"

Plugging the Gap by ragu4u 3-25-11

Katie Couric will be out of a job in June. Her replacement has yet to be named. Go ahead, ask me! Ask me if I care. Ask me if I give one lousy shit about her. Now, if they'll just hire one of those "Beaver Babes" away from FOX News. "SHWANG"!

Can a Black Man Blush? by ragu4u 3-26-11

Hey, open the door. It's me, the prez. Anybody here? HellOo! C'mon Joe...this ain't funny. I gotsta poop, now open the damn door. Maybe if I just slide this credit card between.... "LOCKDOWN, LOCKDOWN. BREACH IN SECURITY. INTRUDER ALERT!"

That's Incredible by ragu4u 3-26-11

Hey, did you hear that, that Ferraro person died today? Really? I just read it on "Drudge". Maybe NOW they'll finally play an "Incredible Hulk" marathon on "TV Land". What does what I just said have to do with what you just said? Lou Ferraro, that's what. "Don't make me angry. You won't like me when I'm angry."

Something Worth Fighting For by ragu4u 3-26-11

After being bullied daily, Butch finally reached his limit. I said, gimme yer lunch or I'll kick yer ass from here to yesterday. Ugh...why did you put up a fight TODAY? I got headcheese & kraut TODAY!

England Swings Like a Pendulum Do by ragu4u 3-27-11

Anarchy Erupts in London I say there, mate, leave immediately or I'll be boppin ya on the old lid, I will. Down with taxes on the poor. Tax the bloody rich, I say! Oh...you want bloody, I'll give you bloody. Now be movin along. You can't hit us. We're all about peace, we are! Moments later... What's up, guvna? It appears the protesters, peacefully, blew up Parliment.

Why That Tea Glowing? by ragu4u 3-27-11

Why you make tea from this water coming from that nuclear plant? It safe? I don't know . Ask that guy behind you. He live here. It's tasty but plays hell with the joints. Can't wait to tell sister. Hey! Ackkk...

New On the Job by ragu4u 3-27-11

At Liz Taylor's Funeral Make sure you keep that crazy nutjob bunch of protestors from W. Virginia away from here. Um...alrighty. They tend to disrupt things wherever they go. But..... ...how did Liz Taylor piss off the coal miners?

Dress Your Child For Success by ragu4u 3-27-11

I wish I had great jugs like you do, mama. How nice, sweetie. I think I can do something about that. Oh goodie, goodie! Welcome to "Abercrombie & Fitch", Madame. My mama sent me here to get that new push-up bra for kids. Oh, and some crotchless panties, too.

Checkpoint "Bobbie" by ragu4u 3-28-11

It appears the riots are over and all's safe in London once again. Oh yeah? When does the House of Parliment have the absolute most people inside? Huh? Pay no attention to my unusually bulky vest. Like I really care about a, bloody, Falafel thief.

Climbing the Corporate Ladder by ragu4u 3-28-11

Why all the ambulances? The French "Spiderman" guy is climbing that office building. But he's already 86 stories up. What's an ambulance gonna do if he falls 86 floors? Say, you're right! I'll go get who SHOULD be here. Did he fall yet?

Flying Solo by ragu4u 3-29-11

Sir, our incursion into Libya has already cost 100 million dollars per day. Get to the point, man. I'm about to leave for vacation. Well sir, don't you feel we need to taper back the frivalous spending, just a tad? By God, you're right. Then shall I go ahead and cancel your reservations, sir. Not MINE , you moron, just Michelle & the girls. They cramp my style, anyway.

Detroit Motorworks by ragu4u 3-29-11

Can I take er for a test drive? Why sure but don't go over 100mph. hehehe 10 minutes into test drive... Aw shit Whatdya mean the car's kinda "blown up"? I expected crossfire but...I.E.D.s?

Star Struck by ragu4u 3-29-11

At FOX Searchlight Pictures ...and stay out of my damn office. And here I thought I'd be a natural for....."127 Hours, Unarmed & Dangerous".

Back to the Drawing Board by ragu4u 3-30-11

Psst, hey Gabriel. Yo, Gabriel! HEY GABRIEL, I'M TALKIN TO YOU, DAMNIT! What the hell do YOU want? Can't ya see I'm sneaking up on the devil? Oops! Design flaw.

Can't Get No Satisfaction by ragu4u 3-30-11

If I dood it I dit a whippin. I dood it! That's IT?

Road Hazard by ragu4u 3-31-11

A blow job is $25. Ok...hop in. Oh yeah, ooh baby c'mon more. Right there..ohh, ooh,ooh..OWWW! You're late because you had your penis sutured? Why did you have to have that done? I hit a pot hole.

It "Depends" by ragu4u 4-01-11

Oh boy, Betty White is gonna host a new show for old timers and... ..and it's gonna have pranks just like "Jackass". Man, I can hardly wait cuz nothing says hilarity like incontinence!

The "No Tell" Hotel by ragu4u 4-01-11

I told you I definitely wanted a WHITE bed spread. Sorry sir, but your room is next door. Whew...you can come out now and get back to work. Send in the next one. I'll be right out. You gonna be gentle, right? Hop on the bed, lady. Hell, you ain't even showin yet.

Why Universities Are Broke. by ragu4u 4-02-11

Did you hear that Rutgers is going to pay Snookie 32K to speak for 30 minutes? Man, did I get a bargain, or what? What do you mean? I got a full hour of "slurp n swallow" out of her for only $15.

A Real Crowd Pleaser by ragu4u 4-02-11

And now, Detroit's Fabulous FOX Theater presents, the Warlock himself...Charlie Sheen! Thanks...Now get off my stage, loser. So I'm giving you folks the option. You can watch me drink Tiger Blood OR watch my goddess give me head for 2 hours. I'll start with a toothpaste french, n'k? A WINNING choice!

Outdoor Cooking With Terry Jones by ragu4u 4-03-11

The key to a great cookout is having a nice hot fire... ...and the large print Quran makes for a much hotter fire.

Filling the Void by ragu4u 4-03-11

Joe, when Hillary leaves the Secretary of State job I'm going to nominate Samantha Power. But Mr. President, She'll be in the line of succession. Is there a problem with that? She was born Irish in Dublin. Doesn't the president need to be an American? That silly detail hasn't stopped me from being President. Touche!

Anchor Away by ragu4u 4-04-11

Katie Couric is out as a CBS Evening News anchor. Jane. Bob, I didn't know CBS had an evening news show? They couldn't tell they had one either, Jane. Not the way Katie did it.

The "Can-Can" Can't by ragu4u 4-04-11

This sucks! No one is applauding. I don't get it. They eat this shit up in France.