The Perfect Plan by ragu4u 4-17-11

Is the church all prepared for Easter? It surely is and I think your plan to get a bigger offering is brilliant. Why, thank you. No one will ever guess that you'd charge the people who haven't come to church for a year $100 each... ...to get out.

Writers Block by ragu4u 4-17-11

Damn, I just can't think of a single good idea for a comic strip. After 2822 comics you're just now finding that out? Sticks & stones.......

Soups On! by ragu4u 4-18-11

I intend to make a 9 hr. beef stew for dinner this evening, sir. Stop right there! I hired you to create world class cuisine, not to throw veggies and beef bits...   ?   ...into a pot and then take the rest of the day off. Don't crock block me, man. You won't like me when I'm crock blocked. I never liked you to begin with!

I Knew THAT! by ragu4u 4-19-11

"The French have released a study that says a man CAN have his penis made longer." Duh. It's done with French whores!

Motor Shitty by ragu4u 4-19-11

Any of you folks see anything? Bwahahahaha I hate Detroit!

The Neighborhood Thespian by ragu4u 4-19-11

How did things go at the "Passion Play"? Great. The crowd thought it was wonderful. I'm beat, though. Let's turn in. OK...I'll be in, in a minute. Hurry, love! 1 Hour Later... What's the matter, babe? Headache? Take off that ridiculous wig, fake beard and robe. And for god sake, stop yelling "AMEN" after every thrust.

Don't Cut Corners by ragu4u 4-20-11

Race ya to the beach. N'K. And.....their off! What took ya so long? I've been here for a week already. Darn...and I took the short cut!

Every Workplace Has Its "Singer" Pt.1 by ragu4u 4-20-11

"How high's the water momma? Two feet high and risin!" "I fell in to a burnin ring of fire. I went down, down down but the flames went higher." "I was born one mornin when the sun didn't shine. I picked up my shovel & I went to the mine."

Every Workplace Has Its "SINGER" Pt.2 by ragu4u 4-20-11

"I looked in the sea and it seemed to say, (I took your baby, from you away.)" That's enough... "Workin 9 to 5, what a way to make a living. Workin 9 to 5, it's all taking and no giving." "You're fired!"

The Middle-Man by ragu4u 4-21-11

Ooooh. Nice package, fella. Why, thank you. He was talking to ME!

Guess Where This Is? by ragu4u 4-22-11

Right! Where else but... "McDonalds"!

Remember "Bon Ami"? by ragu4u 4-22-11

Well son, Sunday is the BIG day. I know, pops. I'll try and do ya proud. This time don't forget the "Bon Ami". Ooops. Forgetting it does kinda ruin the effect. I'll go hide some, now. There....done! Good. There ain't no point in rising if ya don't rise & shine.

Ooh, Eeh, Ooh, Ah, Ah! by ragu4u 4-23-11

Mr. Jones is here but he's in the restoom providing the stool sample you requested. Fine. Them bananas got me constipated, doc. Just relax. Let it flow naturally. Later, Doc Kicked in the door... Oh wow, Mr Jones! That HAD to hurt. Tip of the iceberg, doc. Tip of the iceberg....

What If.....? by ragu4u 4-23-11

3pm...Good Friday Maybe we went... What? Easter Sunday Morning... See? I tried to tell you but.... Strange! A box filled with eggs that have crucifixes painted on em.

The Blow Hard by ragu4u 4-23-11

I say there old chap, I came here on holiday... uh huh... ...to see the "Gateway Arch" but I can't seem to locate it. Well, it was built right here on this spot but... But what, I dare say? ...after todays storm it's now somewhere in Brooklyn, Illinois.

No Wonder They're Going Broke by ragu4u 4-24-11

Why is it that my church is only full on Easter & Christmas? Last Easter I gave everyone here a coupon for a free "Omlette Supreme" at Denny's, Father Joe. Last Christmas I gave everyone here an I-Pad just like you said, Father Joe.

Hiding the Easter Eggs by ragu4u 4-24-11

The kids can't find 3 of the Easter eggs. So where are they? You didn't...? I'll go get a the K-Y & a rubber glove.

Mary, Mary.. Quite Contrary by ragu4u 4-24-11

We're due at Sunrise Service in ten minutes, Helen. Get a move on. What!!! You, surely, can't be going like THAT! I was asked to play Mary in the play. Oh, Mary Magdelan? Then that outfit makes sense. Who's Mary Magdalen?

Outside Opinion by ragu4u 4-24-11

Whoa! Them Jews went and done it now!

Another Day at the Orifice by ragu4u 4-25-11

You told my mom that today was "Bring a kid to work day"! It is. But why am I the only kid here? Because I want you all to myself. Here, reach in my pocket. Whenever my daddy would say that, the police would come and take him away. Damn...ya just can't find a first-timer anymore!

He Shoots...He Scores by ragu4u 4-25-11

Hi there. Hello. I've been watching you from behind the magazine rack. Have you, now? Well, may I help you in some way? Yeah, kinda. You can gimme a rag to wipe the cum off my hand.

"Method" Actor by ragu4u 4-26-11

The Year is.....1955 So I guess this, somehow, involves the movie they're going to make here? Sure does. I assume you'll be playing a cop? Maybe. And the film is called...? "Blackboard Jungle".

Have a Nice Flight! by ragu4u 4-26-11

How are you enjoying the 1st flight of my "Virgin Galactic" spaceship? Sir Richard Branson? I didn't know you'd be here too. Did you have to pay 200K for a ticket, like me? Don't be silly. Mine was 400K. 400K? Why so much? Mine is round-trip! ..the fuck?

Artsy Fartsy by ragu4u 4-27-11

Wasn't "Black Swan" absolutely marvelous? I didn't get it. What's not to get? The story was simply sublime. So the lesbian was freakin out cuz she had some kinda mange and leprosy shit? You're hopeless. You missed the point, altogether Maybe I shouldn't have left early. I was outta there before the black swan ever got a chance to rap.

How Touching by ragu4u 4-27-11

Did ya hear that a former Miss U.S.A. says she got sexually molested by a TSA worker? Ummm......... And as I went through security in Dallas the screener actually touched my...my...va...va...vagina! Oooh! Whatcha think about that? If I had a penny for every time HER vaginas been touched I'd be a mich ran!