Pick 3 by ragu4u 4-28-11

I can't believe 127 tornados have gone through here & we're still OK. 128 coming this way. Why didn't you take cover? 128 is my lucky number.

Unabomber...The Early Years by ragu4u 4-28-11

Here's your mail, Mr. Kazinski. Thanks. Hey, I have package for you to mail. Moments Later... Damnit! Oh well, that tree needed to come down. anyway.

Sewers Folly by ragu4u 4-28-11

There ya go buddy, yer toilet is fixed. Geez fella, haven't you ever thought of getting an education... ...so you can have a REAL job like a doctor or lawyer & take pride in your work instead of being a lowly plumber? To be honest, I was gonna be a brain surgeon till I found out I'd have to take a pay cut. The toilet isn't the only thing around here that's full of crap!

Her Royal Humpishness by ragu4u 4-29-11

Well, they've finally wed. I say wot, and she barely shows. You don't mean...? But I do! A lump? A bump? A frontal lady hump? Check it out!

Cunundrum by ragu4u 4-29-11

I can't believe it. Superman is giving up his citizenship. He probably can't provide the proper documentation. My God, he's Superman for Christ sake. That's like saying the President can't be the President because he lacks the pro... Go on. Never mind. I wonder if Superman just got into college because he's probably bi-sexual.

Catholic Red Tape by ragu4u 4-29-11

Lord, must we really exhume the Pope in order to complete the Beatification ceremony? Darned right. According to Article 1, Section C, Sub-section 14, paragraph 2, line 16 of the "Let's Make a Saint" manual. What did our CEO say? Grab a couple of altar boys and start digging.

Abe, The Great Sayer of Sayings by ragu4u 4-29-11

Here we have "Penny wise & pound foolish"? Hold on there. You talkin to me?

Be Specific by ragu4u 4-30-11

Ya think we can see the Space Shuttle take off from here? There's half a million people here plus the President. It ain't gonna take off. Don't be such a cynic. Will you give up some anal sex if it don't take off? She Agreed, Then Hours Later..... Hey, the launch was cancelled so where do you think you're going? To Enrico's house to give up some anal sex.

A Religious Progressive by ragu4u 4-30-11

You're a nun, too? A new and improved version. You notice the virginal purity of ALL white? Uh huh, and what else? I have already kicked a huge dirty habit. Plus, this face mask keeps the germs of all those snot nosed kids away from me. What's that in your hand? My yardstick comes complete with a handle, making it suitable for knuckle whacking.

The Blackout by ragu4u 5-01-11

Outside Westminster Abbey Parking cars & working in the coat room. Why? I say, Lord Fudgepacker, what did Sir Smack-a-Ho want to know? A comment on the Royal Nuptuals, perhaps? Nothing much... ...just where all the black folk were.

A Reporter in Tornado Alley by ragu4u 5-01-11

Your home is blown away and you've lost everything. Tell the viewers...How do you feel? Well sir, I do thank the Lord Jesus Christ for giving me strenth.... ...to tear your fucking head off and shit down your neck. Maybe if I rephrase my question? You don't have time. I'm bout to pinch off a loaf right NOW!

The Lord Taketh Away! by ragu4u 5-01-11

He said he'd call. Why doesn't he call? A cool red phone? Why does HE have a cool red phone? ...the fuck? So there!

The T.S.A. Who's Watching Who? by ragu4u 5-01-11

I'm afraid I'll have to search your little girl, lady. What's he gonna do, mommy? He has to see if you're hiding anything, sweetie. Geez mommy, that was wierd. I didn't like it. He touched me where he shouldn't. What does she know? She's just a kid. Now move along you two. That's it? Hey, for a "C note" you can search her again. I can even go get a coffee.

Lester the Molester by ragu4u 5-01-11

As Tornados Blew Outside... Lucky we both found this storm shelter when we did. Yeah, lucky.... ...for ME! Huh?

He Wants It ALL! by ragu4u 5-01-11

Go ahead. DO IT! But it's not the same thi... You heard me. Set the damn thing on the floor and jump up and down on it. Then give it to me. OK, but... Hey, if that Mandingo guy can have a large wrinkled package then I want one too. So your huge sack isn't good enough, huh?

Oh....HIM! by ragu4u 5-02-11

Inside a "Circle-K"............. How do you, as a Muslim, feel about Osama being killed. What? Killed? Yes...it was announced last night. This country is now in HUGE trouble and won't last another year. You really feel his death will start all that? But of course. This now makes Joe Biden the President...yes?

"Et tu Brute" by ragu4u 5-02-11

Ayman al-Zawahri, huh? Should I know you? You must not follow the news much, do you, infidel dog? Not really. Anyway, why are you here at the "C.I.A."? I'm here to collect the 27 million dollar reward for Osama bin Laden. So YOU'RE the guy who gave him up? There goes your 72 virgins, nimrod! Can the insults, infidel. Now, in the famous words of Cuba Gooding Jr. ....."Show me the money".

Think Positive by ragu4u 5-03-11

Is that Wolff Blitzer fella really porkin Mia Kunis from "Black Swan"? Well Jenkins, if he is then there is still a chance for us old guys. God...She is so hot in this film. I'm gonna go for it. If Wolff can tap hotties so can I. Hi there. I have a swan in my pocket. Wanna pet him? This ain't gonna lead up to a blow job like it did with Mr. Jenkins next door, is it?

The Stand-In by ragu4u 5-03-11

The WhiteHouse will release the photo of the dead Osama in 3-2-1.... What the...? Sorry folks. The photo of Osama was too gory so they showed Dr. Bob Arnot straight from surgery. instead. Hey...did you get my good side?

Rough Landing by ragu4u 5-03-11

Shortly After bin Laden's Death You infidels actually thought we'd take this lying down? Does this means no peanuts?

Nice Puppy by ragu4u 5-04-11

I'm here with the Navy Seal dog that went in to get Osama. Stop! Help! Grrrr, ruff. HELP! woof-grrrr OUCH help! OW! grrr ruff Help...stop! I should have told him the dog attacks at the name "Osama".

Going Out With a Bang by ragu4u 5-04-11

You C.I.A. guys really want us to bury Osama at sea? Damn right we do. Did you weight the body like I told you? Yes sir. Tell the captain to haul ass after you dump him over. Why is that sir? I don't want those "weights" to sink the ship when they get detonated.

Gentle Persuasion by ragu4u 5-04-11

So Barry, you gonna let Hillary squelch those photos of the "Kill shot"? Now now, Michelle, those photos would cause much unrest amongst our Muslim brothers. So SHE told ya not to show em and you're gonna do what she says, right? In this case, Michelle, she does have a... Why will you do whatever she says and you won't ever do what I want? Ever hear of ass to mouth, woman? That's one reason!

Hold it! by ragu4u 5-04-11

1am Bed-check I gotta pee. Yeah, right! 2am Bed-check Damned if he didn't have to pee.

Beat it...just beat it! by ragu4u 5-05-11

Good god,Chen, what happened to you? It went like this, boss... What do you want me to do? First, follow me into my office. Then, take your hat and jacket off. Oh...and he thought you meant... He got REALLY pissed. You know how hard it is to make a stocking cap cum?