Manditory Drug Test by ragu4u 5-05-11

I suppose you HAVE TO watch me piss in this cup. I'm just doing... Moments later... Now that you made sure I pissed in this cup, I'll leave it on the desk in the outer office and go clock out. N'k! I'd hate to have that guy's job of watching men sticking their dicks in a cup all day long and pissing. What guy is that?

When Careers Collide by ragu4u 5-06-11

Just get home from the Tornto "Slut Walk", did you? You cops are all alike. You hassle us working girls and treat us like dogs. I'd rather not talk in the hall. Can I come in? Your dinner will be ready in a few minutes. And don't forget to help the kids with their homework.

"Osa-man Overboard!"

Aw, shit. Here goes the neighborhood!

by ragu4u, 5-06-11

Family Feud by ragu4u 5-06-11

Don't ya ferget yer maw on Mama's day, boy! All she ever does is kick my ass, pappy. Still n all, ya gotta let er know you be thinkin on er. Ok, if'n I have ta, pappy. Hey maw! I got a gift fer ya. Best be turnin down that hearin aid first. Damnit boy, if'n you shoot me in the back agin for Muthers Day I'ma gonna kick yer ass!

Change Needed at the Top by ragu4u 5-06-11

C'mon baby, hike that skirt. Nobody can see. Hello...News Channel 5? Get your copter in the air, pronto. Oh yeah, baby. Give it to me harder in my ass. Top floor...corner office. Now move it! That's it. Now lick it all off and swallow it. Hey! What the hell is that on TV? We'll have a new C.E.O. by morning, gang!

Party Animal by ragu4u 5-07-11

"Pink Taco" was the place to be on Cinco de Mayo. You poor mistreated animal. We, here at PETA, will see you get set free. "SCREW THAT"! You fuck with my Margarita supply and I'll kick your.... Ass? It's all about sex with you people. Haven't I seen you in Tijuana? Oops...gotta run!

Attention Deficit by ragu4u 5-07-11

I've had it with you, Melvin. Me? What did I do, boss? You slept through the meeting...AGAIN! Well what do you expect? I expect your attention, that's what! Then stop meeting in the bored room.

Playing Through by ragu4u 5-07-11

Hey Mister, I'm the new caddy for Seve Ballesteros. Know where he is? The 19th hole, kid. The 19th hole.

"Let's Make a Deal" by ragu4u 5-07-11

It'll be $20, fat boy! Are you willing to dicker some? Yeah. Good. But that'll cost ya an extra $50. Hey, YOU'RE the one who's supposed to be gettin fucked...not ME!

Motherly Love by ragu4u 5-07-11

Again, with the cheap flowers for Mother's Day? I gots no job, mommy. This is best I can do. Well you can just stick those up your ass. Now go get me something I need. Me try, mommy. Moments later... You back already, Butch? You got somethin for me? You bet I do, mommy! Now close eyes. hehe

Kicking Booty by ragu4u 5-08-11

You gotta stop everybody from bullying me in here. Point them out. I'll take care of this right away. Use all that Chinese karate shit on em, ok? You didn't tell me they were teenaged black girls. Makes a difference, does it?

Mistaken Identity by ragu4u 5-08-11

Yeah...and he twied to kidnap me over by the bench. I'll hide and get him if he comes back. Cool! He wore a yellow pac-man shirt. You're mine now, fella. You were hotter yesterday when you dressed like a chorus girl. Oh...and today I pitch.

"Open Mic Night"

I'm a homosexual. I beat my wife and molest my kids. I steal tips in restaurants and cheated on every test I ever took. I run a porn....

by ragu4u, 5-08-11

Chosen by ragu4u 5-08-11

C'mon...what would you really do? Jew to Jew? Yeah...Jew to Jew! So you're excluding the Gentiles? Yeah! Haven't we always? Touche'.

Clock Blocking by ragu4u 5-08-11

I say there...do you have the time? Maybe...but not the inclination!

The Big Cover Up by ragu4u 5-09-11

A North Texas High School Listen up, here. Girls are showing waaay to much skin in school. From now on, no more bare shoulders. Got it? Why, yes, Principal Strictly. Fine then. See to it there are NO infractions! Yes sir. No bare shoulders. Can the rest of their bodies continue to be naked? Absolutely. I'm not a complete prude, you know.

Bad Science by ragu4u 5-09-11

Hello, anyone home? What the hell do YOU want? I noticed all the cigarette butts on your walk. Don't you know smoking drastically shortens your lifespan? Or not!

Sometimes Ya Feel Like a Nut... by ragu4u 5-09-11

Oh wise owl, what tree has the tastiest nuts? The mighty Oak! I wonder if.... It's Cyprus, so don't even think about it.

Man of Mystery by ragu4u 5-09-11

Do you really feel this disguise is needed? I sure as hell do. Other wise people keep asking me if I'm OK and if I'll be able to go on in my job. You don't like responding to questions do you? Never have & never will. There you have it folks, direct from Coach LaRussa in the Cards Clubhouse.

What Attitude? by ragu4u 5-09-11

Whitney Houston? Are you checking back into rehab? I's just tryin to represent, BITCH! Fuck with me n I'll tear yer heart out. I see you still have attitude issues. I'm gonna take my size 10 attitude and jam it up yo size 1 butthole. Ya feel me? I assume "Dr." Bobby Brown has been handling your medications, as in the past? That's it, Bitch. You best be notifying yo next a kin cuz I'm fittn ta go medieval on yo ass.

The Great Divide by ragu4u 5-10-11

...and we'll call it Baja Arizona. You really feel the people of Arizona want to split the state in half? We originally wanted to bust it into 16ths but... But what? We couldn't find 16 white people left to be governors. There you have it folks, from possibly our 51st state, Baja Arizona.

The Gods Must Be Crazy

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________ I keep telling you to buy the "Elecetric Company", but NO, you always gotta buy "Water Works"!!!! It's just like the darned "French Quarter". I came to earth just to try & see it. NOW I can't find the "Country Music Hall of Fame".

by ragu4u, 5-10-11

He "Won't" Be Back by ragu4u 5-10-11

Well, Maria, it's time we call it quits. Oh right Arnold, like it's all my fault. I can't wake up to your anorexic ass any longer. Really? If you spent more time in OUR bed instead of the beds of every slut in town, we might have made it. Ooooh...I'm scared. Now beat it, you sack o bones. Don't let the door hit ya where the good lord split ya. Eat your heart out, buddy. This is the last time you'll see this FINE ASS walking away.

Hell Hath No Fury... by ragu4u 5-11-11

It's been fun. See ya around! I'll just be a sec. Wait! You said you loved me. No way. I'm outta here to go screw all your friends. Thinks so? Not if I flock block you first.

"Pain" is My Name by ragu4u 5-12-11

Send in my next patient. Right away, doctor. I'm Dr. Pillpopper. I'm Thor. Then take 2 aspirin and call me in the morning. What a thad excuthe for a doctor.