She Knows What She Likes by ragu4u 5-20-11

Here in Estonia, how do you say "12 months"? Kaksteist kuud. What? Cocks taste good? Yes! Kaksteist kuud. I'm not asking if you like the flavor of cock. How do you say "12 months" in Estonian. Believe me, sir. Kaksteist kuud.

Obama Care: D & C by ragu4u 5-20-11

Hurry nurse. It's popped out. Suit me up for the RAPID D&C. SUCTION!

"The Cannes Film Festival" That Can't by ragu4u 5-21-11

I'm here with Brad Pitt at the Cannes Film Festival. Brad, they panned "Tree of Life". What say you? They just didn't understand it. Explain its premiss to our viewers, Brad. Well...ya see...it has to do with, um...well. It's like, ya know. Art is mostly subjective... You don't know either, do you Brad? I'm just the producer. I can't be expected to know everything.

Wise Choice by ragu4u 5-21-11

I'm glad I bought THIS shirt... ...instead of the one with 5/21/11 on it.

Operators Are Waiting by ragu4u 5-22-11

Breaking News! A volcano has just erupted over in Iceland. We've set up the following phone number so you can check on relatives there. 011+354+555-1234 2 hours later in Iceland.... C'mon, there must be someone who cares about somebody here in Iceland! *silence*

Business in the Hood! by ragu4u 5-22-11

Hey kid, if ya like oral sex, have I got a deal for you! I'm a giver not a taker, fella. I can feel ya. I got clients of that persuasion too. You just don't get it, mister. I'm a freelancer. I don't get it, alright. A boy's "lance" should never be free if it's workin properly.

Cried Wolf Once Too Often by ragu4u 5-22-11

Joplin, Missouri 5/22/2011 They gave us 20 minutes warning that a tornado was coming. Like they normally do. Well.....I guess they had to be right sooner or later. That's our hospital behind me. Good thing it wasn't hit.

FTC 153 by ragu4u 5-22-11

Alrighty....No! No, what? No way! You're truly bitchin, man! My pleasure.....I think!

Counting the Costs by ragu4u 5-23-11

Alright. keep movin fella. There's nothing to see here. There's gotta be. Ain't this Joplin? It was 5 minutes ago till a tornado hit. But I gotta see my mom in the hospital. Is it still there? Sure is. But the patients got blown to Springfield. Damn...now I'll have to pay two seperate hospital bills.

One Eye Jack by ragu4u 5-23-11

Man, I 've got a stiff neck. You know, Jack, you don't have to look up at me... ...with those big brown eyes while your sucking. Now ya tell me. The occassional slurping moan will help get me off just fine.

Amazon is a river? by ragu4u 5-23-11

Oh crap. Lady Gaga's album "Born This Way" just melted down Amazon. Really? You know that vinyl does melt in extreme heat. What? You must admit, it is pretty darn warm along the Amazon. That's why the people there are so brown. And the snakes there are huge. Listen old woman, never mind the Amazon. I gots a big ole Alabama black snake ya'll can play with.

The Novice Hunter by ragu4u 5-24-11

Gobble... I hear me a turkey. Gobble, gobble! There it goes again. Once more...hehe! gobble, gobble

He Needs Another Vacation by ragu4u 5-24-11

Mr. President, will you share your thoughts about Joplin with us? Why certainly. You know if it weren't for his genius we wouldn't have "ragtime" as we know it. I'm afraid THAT wasn't the Joplin I meant, sir. Oh! My mistake, sorry. You know, when she sang "Piece of My Heart" at Woodstock it was electric. Again, sir, you misunderstood. Stop saying I misunderstood! You make me sound like some dumb bald-knobber from Joplin Missouri.

STOP! Hammer Time by ragu4u 5-24-11

Can't I talk you out of this? Nope! I'm gonna pound this nail right into my head. I don't dare look. Here I go. 3-2-1... I'll give you $1,000,000.00 not to. You what???!!!!

Priorities by ragu4u 5-25-11

And the winner of American Idol is..... C'mon, c'mon, c'mon, c'mon... WE INTERRUPT THIS PROGRAM TO BRING YOU A SEVERE WEATHER ALERT....TAKE COVER IN YOUR BASEMENT...NOW You have GOT to be fucking shittin me.... Moments Later... ...so we'll see you next year on "American Idol". Seacrest...OUT! Damnit. The only event that matters to me all year & I missed it.

Need Stamps Today? by ragu4u 5-25-11

I understand we have a new Postal Clerk applicant. Send him in, please. Right away, sir. Just between me and you, I think he'll fit right in around here. 30 minutes later.... Do you realize how long it took you to get in here? Uh huh...a 1/2 hour. You'll have to slow down quite a bit in order for the people training you to keep up. Thank god. I couldn't run another step.

A Man Thing by ragu4u 5-26-11

I wonder what he's thinking? Wowwie Kazzowie! Are those babies REAL? I'm sorry I asked. WHAT?

sicko season 2 ep 6 

by bjiscool122
12-08-10

 
christmas is coming sooo what do you want for christmas
 

 
my two front teeth haha
 

 
i thought you already had your two front teeth
 

 
its a joke i want 2 magazines of playboy
 

 
hahaha funny
 

 
im not kidding
 

---
Rob Lee....

The Best Policy by ragu4u 5-26-11

You would actually be willing to sell me insurance? Certainly, sir! You'll just never get us to pay off. ...AND STAY OUT! So much for honesty tactic.

FTC 153 by ragu4u 5-27-11

Not many people showed up at your protest. Yeah, I know, disappointing... What are you even protesting? I feel professional athletes should not be tested for steroids! (PRO...TEST) Get it? WHAT? How am I supposed to come back with something funny on THAT dumb topic? I'll never win this contest.

CC 476 Plaid Skirts & Bobby Sox by ragu4u 5-27-11

Ya look troubled son. Tell dad all about it. Well, I wanna enter this super-hero contest but I'm afraid I may not win. Oh you'll win, my boy. You'll win. Ya think so pops? Ya gonna pull a few strings with the "BIG GUY"? Shhhh. Not so loud. Allah hates to be called that. If he hears you, you'll lose your chance at the prize! You mean the 72 virgins? C'mon pops, we're talkin Catholic girls here. There aren't any of them left.

Eye, Eye Sir! by ragu4u 5-27-11

Captain Blackbeard sir, I see they've found your missing treasure just off the N. Carolina coast. You SAW it yourself, did you? Aye, aye, skipper. Indeed I did. Did you see it as clear as you see my BLACK beard? You haven't gone and dyed your beard again, have ya, Captain Blackbeard? Just as I thought. You lost your contacts again, didn't you, you colorblind swab?

The Connoisseur by ragu4u 5-27-11

Wanna stick it again? Uh uh! It tastes & smells like...... "Summer's Eve"? Damn...yer good. The faint remnant of urine and cheese almost threw me off

Steven Seagal: Lawman by ragu4u 5-28-11

Say, aren't you that Steven Seagal dude? Sure am. Want my autograph? Hell no. You're a washed up has-been movie actor who ain't nothing but a glorified TV security guard. I'll let ya touch my nunchucks. Well....in THAT case....

Night Shift in the Copy Room by ragu4u 5-28-11

4 am That damn copy machine has got that gooey stuff on it again. I can't figure, for the life of me, how it gets there. 3 am This time it'll work... I promise. NOOO! Everytime you try and copy your ass, ectoplasm gets everywhere!