Post 1661:
Barbie Dolls for the Seattle Market:
Ravenna Barbie: This highly educated Barbie is the model of the sensitive American woman. She has slightly graying hair and her main outfit consists of sensible shoes, khaki pants, and a navy blue sweater vest - hand knit with wool from free-range llamas. A Volvo station wagon is included. Accessories include a Whole Foods recycled grocery bag, a book club journal, a pilates mat, and gardening gloves. Professor Ken comes with an identical outfit and a recumbent bicycle for commuting to the University.
Medina Barbie: This princess Barbie is only sold at Bellevue Square (at selected stores only). She comes with assortment of Kate Spade handbags, a Lexus, a lapdog and a 2 million dollar house. Options include tummy tuck, face-lift, spa certificates for Tiba, and a workaholic-cheating husband Dr. Ken.
Issaquah Barbie: This trendy homemaker Barbie is available with the Lexus SUV or Ford Windstar minivan, gets lost easily, and has no full time occupation or secondary education. Traffic jamming cell phone sold separately. Optional matching gym outfit.
Madison Park Barbie: This very white, very thin Barbie drives a BMW SUV and is always on the way to appointments with her personal trainer. She comes with pink jogging outfit, tennis outfit, gym outfit, yachting outfit, spin class outfit, yoga outfit, and a cell phone permanently attached to her ear. P#$$Y -whipped Ken comes with multiple lattes and a stroller with two blonde children.
Tacoma Barbie: This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, a Ray Lewis knife, a slammed Chevrolet with oversized wheels and tinted windows and a Methadone Clinic Ken. Also available in a jailbird version with orange coveralls.
Belltown Condo Barbie: This yuppie Barbie in a black outfit from Prada comes with choice of a BMW sports car or a souped up Hummer 2, Starbucks cup, a small dog with diamond studded collar, credit card and shallow Ken.
Capitol Hill Barbie: This lipstick lesbian Barbie is a woman who knows how to get what she wants in a man's world. She comes with a corner office and 6 million frequent flyer miles. Accessories include black leather handbag, golf clubs, chain saw, a complete assortment of power tools, and two very large cats. Her tattooed Ken comes with breasts, pierced tongue, and drives a convertible Saab.
Kent Barbie: This white-trash model comes in Wrangler jeans two sizes too small, a NASCAR shirt, big hair, a six-pack of Coors Light and a Hank, Jr. CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and she can kick Ken's a$$ when she's drunk. A pickup is available with Confederate flag bumper stickers.
Auburn Barbie: The Murfreesboro version has a mouth that is firmly closed so as not to show her summer teeth, Daisy Dukes and a half T-shirt that guarantees you can see her navel piercing and at least 5 tattoos. Both versions swear incessantly and are not recommended for children. She is an GRCC drop-out, and has never made it out of what she calls "the rockin' boro"
Everett Barbie: This tobacco chewing, brassy-haired Barbie still has not learned that you can't wear high-heeled sandals from Payless with no pedicure and without breaking a heel and falling while you chase your beer gutted mullet wearing boyfriend. Her make-up is dark red lip liner with lips covered in a sparkly pink color or no fill-in at all. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed jeans with assorted colored G-strings that stick out the back of her jeans, a white barely-there see-through shirt. Her long, layered hair is bleached/highlighted and BIG. Accessories
include: CD-player equipped with Bon Jovi, and a 1996 Camaro Z-28.
Lynnwood Barbie: This Barbie is the same model of Barbie that was released in 1982. She comes with shoulder-pads, dark polyester skirt, white pantyhose and a bad haircut. Options include a Rick James T-shirt, Walmart purse and outdated shoes.
Bonney Lake Barbie: This flannel wearing Barbie comes with her own 4-H ribbon collection, brown pick up truck and blue eye shadow! She's a country girl at heart with cow manure odored boots (scratch and sniff the soles for realistic dose of country fun) Cowboy Ken is tooth-less and also clad in red and black flannel check shirt.
---
"Jelly-belly gigglin, dancin and a-wigglin, honey that's the way I am!" Janice the Muppet