Never a Wasted Moment by ragu4u 6-06-11

Sometimes I like to sit alone and ponder the wonders of nature. The rest of the time I just spank the monkey!

The Guy Who Suffered No Damage by ragu4u 6-06-11

Sure, tornados cause lots of damage but if you wanna feel REAL pain... ...ya can't beat a titty twister.

Postal Traumatic Stress Disorder by ragu4u 6-06-11

You've got mail. What I need is some REAL male. Get it? You want that heavy duty, macho man, don't ya slut? Oh yeah...give it to me big man. Moments later.... Don't you dare get up bitch or I'll mace ya too.

Would You Believe...? by ragu4u 6-07-11

Ted...you wearing THAT to the costume party? Kinda. You'll see my complete outfit at the party. You're kiddin me Ted. THAT's it? That's no different from earlier. Gimme a hint. What's the diff? I thought you'd never axe. Ya had to go and play the race card, eh Ted? I thought you'd never "hatchet"?

Hind Sight by ragu4u 6-07-11

Oh, Barry, Congressman Weiner's wife Huma has had her heart broken. It's her own damn fault Michelle. How can you say that, Barry? Well, if Huma gave the man a few more quality..... ...hummas, or at least a hand-job now & then he may not have had to resort to the net.

Play "FreeBird"! by ragu4u 6-07-11

Please release me. I need to be free and experience all the world has to give. I'm touched... ...so, as the dawn breaks, accept your new found freedom and soar into eternity! Hours Later.... Hey! Where's lunch?

Play "FreeBird"! by ragu4u 6-07-11

Please release me. I need to be free and experience all the world has to give. I'm touched... ...so, as the dawn breaks, accept your new found freedom and soar into eternity! Hours Later.... Hey! Where's lunch?

Smart Alec by ragu4u 6-08-11

Folks, I'm here with Mr. Alec Baldwin. So, I hear you want to be Mayor of New York, right? Quite so, I do feel the job is worthy of me, yes. Weinergate sure didn't hurt your chances, did it? That scrawny little nobody was nothing but an insignificant boil on my political ASS...pirations. So you feel things are well in hand? Nice try, Wolfe but you won't get a comment from me on THAT one. Let's just say I'm the new "cock of the walk."!

Two Guys, One Girl by ragu4u 6-08-11

"Massengill"? No way, "Summer's Eve", for sure!

The Right Stuff by ragu4u 6-08-11

Seriously Chen, we in the party have been watching you and feel you should run for Congress. That sure is a nice compliment but... But what? I don't think I have...uh...what it takes. Don't be silly. "Photshop" can fix anything. Alright!!! Hear that, little guy?

Dog Eat Dog by ragu4u 6-09-11

Why so pissed? Remember when Leona Helmsly's dog "Trouble" got her 12 Million bucks when she died? I think I....... Well, "Trouble" died and didn't leave me anything. Oh, you mean the Hemsly dog that died and gave you nothing because you don't deserve it? Yeh, yeah....that's the "Trouble". Wait a minute. What did you say?

Tick Tock by ragu4u 6-09-11

Better get your followers ready boy. It's just about time. I'll get em to do a last minute blitz and throw in some special effects. You best get right with Jesus, mister or bad things will happen to ya. Jesus? Ha! Jesus can kiss my royal a..... Effective, but give me a little thunder with it next time, Lord!

Past Imperfect by ragu4u 6-10-11

What the heck is all this paper for? I'm gonna need it to write "thank you" notes for all the money I get for graduation next week. Aren't ya kinda jumping the gun? 30 days later... Hey, why is all this paper still here? I can re-do my senior year in 6 months if I go to school day and night.

"Suck it Up" & be a man! by ragu4u 6-10-11

I'm Lenny Dykstra Good thing you're wearing that disguise. Yeah, jail can be a rough place for us famous guys. Especially those whose last name is...Dick Straw!

Sly like a FOX...News pundit. by ragu4u 6-11-11

Oh no! YOU'RE "ladycockgobler"? Yes I am, Congwessman Weener. Crap. You must delete ALL of my naked schlong tweets, pronto. Get it? But is you gonna still text me agin in you underpants? No comment. no comment, no comment, no comm... You get all them pictures you needed, Mr. Beck?

Better Than a Gift Card by ragu4u 6-12-11

Daddy, what you want for Fadder's Day? A tie would be nice, sweetie. Pops, what you want for Father's Day? I could use a new bowling ball, my boy. I guess you expect something from yer wife on Father's Day. So what do I get for the jerk who has everything? Your replacement would be nice.

Junior Achievement by ragu4u 6-12-11

Come in for a cookie, young man? I dunno. My dad says strangers might ass rape me. I would never do THAT. Well, if you DID, dad says I should get at least $50 bucks out of ya.

Getting Soaked by ragu4u 6-13-11

I don't know what went wrong. Whatcha mean, pappy? I took them thar little blue pills ya see on TV. Yeah...so? So when in blazes are they gonna deliver us them thar "after sex" bath tubs ya see them folks soakin in? Claw foots are hard to find, pappy.

The Rear Guard! by ragu4u 6-13-11

YOU'RE my date? Why yes, and I've come sanitized for your protection. So you must think I have an infested butt hole, eh? Well, I.... Your services are no longer needed.

Man on the Street

I understand that Sweden is about to perform the 1st womb transplant. Any comment? Weally? I guess they'll hafta knock out a wall or two, eh?

by ragu4u, 6-14-11

Mixed Messages by ragu4u 6-14-11

Are you a colored black man or a black man who's colored? Are YOU a racist, midget or a bigot dwarf? ummmmm.... Touche'.

How To Make Your Point, Or Not! by ragu4u 6-15-11

...and Dallas beats the Heat! So THAT's what Lebron meant when.... ...I asked him for change for a dollar and he said... ..."I don't have four quarters."

A.K.A. by ragu4u 6-17-11

Perfect, you look exactly like him. So the name I've chosen is good, eh? Si, El Brad Pitt. Nobody would ever tink you boss of big drug cartel. Now I need a mule to carry my drugs across the border. Aha! If it isn't "El Eeyore". I don't know if you can handle this. Maybe you just hate me. Maybe you wish I was never born. Maybe I'll screw everything up and wind up working in a Tijuana bar. HEY! That 's not a bad idea!!

Mistaken Identity by ragu4u 6-18-11

You forgot to trim the hedges, Jose! Huh? Get that hedge trimmer moving or you'll be back selling tacos. Obviously, you don't know who you're talking to! Put on your glasses. Oops! And NO...I'm not the gutter cleaner, either.

Sibling Rivalry by ragu4u 6-19-11

Hi boys. To what do I owe the honor? Happy Father's Day, pops. Yeah...what he said! Too bad both of you boys couldn't have taken the righteous path. Watch it! So he fucked up, daddyo. Everybody makes at least one mistake.