The Understatement by ragu4u 1-17-12

Let me get this straight. I make them sick and YOU make them well? Correct! Just sign here, Mr. Flu bug. I'll make a fortune. But I'm a virus. You can't do anything to stop me. And your point is? I do all the work and YOU get all the credit. Forget it! You make me sick.

Al Italia? by ragu4u 1-18-12

I believe we're about to run aground! Oh Melvin, I'm so scared. Every man for himself! To the life boats! Nearby Villiage Bistro Say, aren't you the Captain of our sinking ship...which is STILL sinking and STILL has folks on board? Questo travestimento fa schifo!

Edgar Allen Poe Toaster by ragu4u 1-19-12

"Poe Toaster", my ass. You didn't even bring the right stuff. Three roses and a half bottle of Cognac? Really? Yup. A mug of "STAG" and some dandelions shoulda been close enough.

Newt: On the Road by ragu4u 1-20-12

What's wrong with me wanting to have an open marrige? Think about it. Hmmm My Old Wife............My Slut That's what I thought. Next question? *cricket, cricket*

Home Boy by ragu4u 1-21-12

Chihuahua, Mexico Hey esse, we made the news again. No shit, holmes? Si! More people died here last year than in all of Afghanistan. My brother is over there right now, lucky bastard but his time is about up. Kabul, Afghanistan You missed the plane to take you home? Why? I don't wanna be keeled. Let me stay here where it's safer, por favor.

Back in the Day by ragu4u 1-21-12

You want me to sing WHAT? You know, like you did on your TV show. "See the U.S.A. in your Chevrolet..." Wait a minute. I think you've confused me with Dinah Shore. "...America's the greatest land..." WHAT? Here, relax, have some tea. Fuck off, doofus...and don't blow a kiss behind my back, neither.

Coming Out by ragu4u 1-22-12

I gotta get down. Damn. He saw me. Yummm! Getting worms around here is like shooting fish in a barrel.

Caught By the Net by ragu4u 1-22-12

Getting myself this "Roku" thingy for Christmas was really smart. I'll save a ton of cash on stuff to watch. But sir, if you do THAT you'll lose the... You heard me. Cancel my internet. I got the Roku now.

A Legend in His Own Mind by ragu4u 1-23-12

Where have you been? I had to take a dump outside today mom. You did what? Why? Let's just call it "payback", mom. Earlier...... Ahhhhhhhh! Take that Coach Paterno!

What Should Have Been by ragu4u 1-24-12

"And now, ladies & gentlemen, here's Steven Tyler to sing our national anthem. Oh shit! Oh, oh say.... Hey, we just lost power! I think that's a good thing.

Umday Ondblay by ragu4u 1-25-12

Did you see that pic of Hannah Montana with the birthday cake on TMZ? You mean that sweet little daughter of Billy Ray Cyrus? Uh... yeah. They show her licking her boyfriend's balls. What? Soccer? Tennis? Ping Pong? Make yourself clear. Rocky Mountain oysters. You never make sense. You just switched from sports to food. I'm outta here!

"Whip It Real Good!" by ragu4u 1-26-12

So, Demi Moore got stung doing whip-its, eh?. Whip-its sounds cool. I think I'll go try it. Give it to me like I'm Demi Moore, baby! You're sure about this?

cc 495 by ragu4u 1-27-12

"In Heffen der ees no beer.... "...un dats vi vee drink it here!" Seconds Later... Look Adolph, I gave ya a free hand with the Jews, but this lying about heaven has to stop. That said, want a Bud?

It's The Pits by ragu4u 1-28-12

Did you really have to? That brother of your is all hands. But glue in his deodorant was uncalled for! So sue me! $#@%

Mr. Lonely by ragu4u 1-29-12

So what killed him, doc? Withdrawal. Withdrawal from what? Didn't you hear? Stripcreator.com was down for almost the entire day.

Misplaced Priorities by ragu4u 1-30-12

Oh my god. Let me help you. Thank you! Thank You! Thank you! There ya go, fishy. That cement block almost crushed you. "Hey! Stand me back up. Hello?"

"Strike the Pose" by ragu4u 1-31-12

I see Madonna will perform "Vogue" at the Super Bowl half-time show. More 18th century costumes that tear away to garter belts and boustiers, while hot women go lesbo on each other. I must run set my "TIVO"!

His Cup Runeth Over by ragu4u 1-31-12

Oh my gosh! I didn't know it was for THAT. Taping of "Fear Factor" What's wrong? Drink up! Donkey jism? Are you nuts?

The DON ... R.I.P. by ragu4u 2-01-12

Chuga, chuga, chuga, chuga... Wooo, Wooo! Welcome to the 2nd to last stop on the "Soooul Traaaaain", Mr. Don Cornelius. Huh? 2nd to last? THIS is the VERY last stop. You shouldn't have shot yourself, bro. A man can only take so much RAP music!

Holiday Stuffing by ragu4u 2-02-12

What 's all this? I keep the names of all the dead here. Oh really? Why are they all recorded on Democatic ballots? %$#@ Silly me. This is an election year. He must be a damned G.O.P. infiltrator.

That's Neighborly by ragu4u 2-03-12

Let's make a baby. Ok..... ...I'll make one next door with Phreaky. She should be home soon. And he wonders why I buy "D" batteries by the case.

Blast From the Past by ragu4u 2-04-12

Did ya'll know Cuba Gooding Sr. was the lead singer in "The Main Ingredient"? The main ingredient of what? Well...? Nevermind. Senile old fart.

Darned Pets by ragu4u 2-04-12

Why are all the panties in your dresser filled with cum? Much Later that night.... Hey, I only wear em for a minute.

Reflections by ragu4u 2-05-12

Dad was right. Driving while jerking off AND drinking really is unsafe.

Attention Deficit by ragu4u 2-05-12

You! Why is it always YOU the men hit on in here? Maybe you're just in the wrong club. Try the one next door. So, you want it with my fists or with the back of my hand? Aiyeeeeee!!!