Okay, I got one for you, and you don't even have to click on any stupid link to see the damn thing.
(This is more of a director review than a review of any specific moofie. - ed.)
Michael_Haneke is a douchey director. I saw his preview for the American version of "Funny Games" before "No Country" and my immediate reaction was "Whoever cut that preview together was a genius, but I bet you that the actual film wont be worth two shits."
Well, cut to two weeks ago, when I decide to borrow the original Funny Games from the library just to see if it was worth a damn.
And lo and behold, upon reading the back cover, I realized I had already seen this douche's work last year, when I went to go see "Cache". That movie, just like "Funny Games", was hyped to the nth degree by critics with blurbs like "unnerving... gets you by the balls".
As it turned out, "Cache" was the most boring piece of shit shit film I ever shittin' saw, I proclaimed I would never watch a film by that director again.
Cut back to two weeks ago: There I stood with the DVD, discovering who the crappy douche director was, and I turned to my speical lady-friend and said, "If it gets unbelievably crappy-ass boring shit-ass crap, I'll be pissed."
So I turn it on, and, like "Cache", the first twenty long minutes are passable, sort of building tension (but not like a director who knows how to direct would) and then it all gets very, very boring.
I think the boring parts are meant to be these brilliant tricks to draw the audience into the whatever blah, blah blah, but in the end, it's just boringness.
I've seen art films (Like early David Lynch stuff) and while those are boring too, at least their pretentions limit themselves to art-faggotry. But a bonafide thriller needs some bonafide thrills, not the cheap shell games this lame-ass pulls.
And the tricks are so predictable. We were sitting there going, "Okay, we're following the one psycho away from the action in the other room, so let me guess... we're gonna' hear the shotgun go off, and then one of the three, most likely the kid, will be dead". And of course that's exactly what happens.
So, we fast forward, stopping on anly actual plot points (though we really didn't stop that much, because all pretension aside, the film is just delivering the same thing as a Nightmare on ELm Street movie- we know the number of characters, and it's just a counting game, with the viewer mentally ticking off how many deaths are left), and cliche of cliches, it's a cyclcal plot, with the beginning being basically a replay of the first major scene of the film. Whoop-dee-doo.
I didn't even want to waste my time posting about this, but I figured I'd save you all unforetold hours of your life by warning you to never give this director any of your time. You will be bored.
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Ham-fisted ham fisting.
