Print Journalism

I'll miss you, "Washington Times" sunday edition.

by ragu4u, 12-21-09

What Goes & Comes Around by ragu4u 12-22-09

You're ass is in trouble now. Why's that? They're saying pet dogs hurt the environment more than S.U.V.'s. Oh yeah? All that S.U.V.'s guzzle is gas. Uh huh... Well we eat our own shit. Now THAT'S recycling! Talk about your circle of life...

Temptation by ragu4u 12-22-09

It's about time you got home. You're drunk again, huh? It ain't my fault. I gotta crawl through a garden, past 2 pie pans full of beer just to get home.

P.T. at the Senior Center by ragu4u 12-23-09

Wha? "Ya stick your right hand in..." Huh? HELLO? I said..."Ya stick your right hand in..." I think I shit. Fuck it..."Ya pull your right hand out & ya shake it all about."

Driving With the "L.A. County Coroner"

I can't believe I just ran over Brittany Murphy. Looks drug related to me, boss.

by ragu4u, 12-23-09

Plan Ahead by ragu4u 12-23-09

I see I've been double crossed by Judas. Really? Darn! What's wrong? I only brought enough nails for a single cross.

Burn Baby, Burn by ragu4u 12-23-09

...happy birthday dear Amanda, happy birthday to you. Is that you, mama? Are you sorry yet for setting mama on fire, sweetie? Fuck you. I made you a cake, but I ate it all, you little shit. Get out of here, ma. Your Unguintine stinks.

Don't Burn Your Bridges by ragu4u 12-24-09

Jimmy Carter is apologizing to the Jews, sir. What for, Rahm Equating the treatment of Palestinians to the Jewish Holocaust, sir. The Jewish hollow-what? You're joking, sir. Correct? I never joke about Jews. We may need a loan sometime.

Price of Popularity by ragu4u 12-25-09

Padre, Padre you musta come fasta. Hisa Holiness isa down. Capice? Oh no...not again? Is he dead? No Padre, but a crazed woman, she knocka him down. Damned groupies!

Seconds Count by ragu4u 12-25-09

Nobody loves me. I'm gonna end it all. Folks, here we have another lonely guy at Christmas Time pondering suicide. If only he had hope. But hey, God loves me, so everything is going to turn out f....... Seconds Later.... What the hell did I hit...an armadillo? What a mess, folks. Nevermind.

No Down Payment

I said I wanted to see something in "upscale" Detroit. And here we are. What? Is this TOO flashy for ya?

by ragu4u, 12-25-09

No Respect by ragu4u 12-26-09

Today, a terrorist attack was thwarted by passengers over Detroit. But lets move onto news pertaining to an important city. Today in Peroria....

A Fate Worse Than Death by ragu4u 12-26-09

Did he choose to die by lethal injection, Warden. No. As a matter of fact, he chose the worst kind of death. Electric chair? Hanging? Firing Squad? Worse. What then? He chose watching "Steven Segal: Lawman" till he was brain dead. Took about two minutes.

Two Wild & Crazy Guys by ragu4u 12-27-09

Hello? Shoe bomber; crotch bomber here. Go ahead crotch bomber. You sure this condom full of high explosive taped to my leg be OK? Not to worry. I learn from bad experience so you can trust me. What happen if I get a burning in my crotch area when detinator added? Try Cruex, then count your virgins and kiss your ass goodbye.

Twins Under the Mistletoe

Knuckle bump? Yeah, knuckle bump.

by ragu4u, 12-27-09

Tough Job Market

We don't hire people who have been canned. *dickwad*

by ragu4u, 12-28-09

Random #1 by ragu4u 12-28-09

We may have to share a cell together but... What now! ...please stop calling me "Punkin". Fine with me, Gourd-Dito. Is that the best you can do? How about I make a pie outta yer ass?

No Self Confidence by ragu4u 12-28-09

Should I ask her out? Go ahead. You'll know right away if she's frigid or not. That Night Yes? Well I....um...maybe you & me could, um... Guess how it went?

Inadequate Training by ragu4u 12-29-09

Due to recent terrorism, everyone must go through the "Full Body Scanner" before boarding. Arghhhhh!!!!! What the...? Oops. I set it on "Microwave" by mistake.

2009: A Space Oddity by ragu4u 12-30-09

Comrade Chekov, it says here, an asteroid will strike earth in 2029. The Kremlin wants us to eliminate it. We must launch something at it to knock it off course. Are you thinking what I'm thinking, comrade? I'm afraid so. The Kremlin expects the ultimate sacrifice from us. Dasvidaniya, Chekov. Open the pod bay doors, Comrade Hal! *Oh sure, NOW Comrade Hal cooperates.*

HE Joketh Around by ragu4u 12-30-09

It's all, like, gray n'shit, up here. Yes...so? It's supposed to be a blue moon. So why ain't it all blue, n'shit? Oh yee of little faith. Now THIS is what I'm talkin bout! When ya plan to do it again? Only once in a blue moon, my child!

First With the News.... by ragu4u 12-31-09

We here at Wikipedia want to be the first to report the death of Rush Limbaugh. Psst. He's not dead yet. This just in.....Rush is not dead. BUT....we still want to report it. Oh that's lots better. Somebody call the lawyers.

Twin Mels at Midnight by ragu4u 12-31-09

5     4     3     2   1...Happy New Year fist bump? Sure bro....Happy New Year fist bump.

Getting in the Groove by ragu4u 1-01-10

12:05 am 1/01/10 Tyler, you look like you're in pain. What happened? You know that fine piece of tail I was here with? Yeah, yeah, so what? It happened at midnight, when I was kissing her. Kissing her put you in pain? It wasn't the kiss. She crossed her legs and broke all my fingers except this one.

Give the Boss a Hand by ragu4u 1-01-10

Welcome to our employment agency. Hi! I need work. Well, what have you specialized in? Handjobs! What else? Sorry. All the secretarial spots are filled. Judgmental, bitch!