Easter is coming and readers of my comics would expect nothing less than a blasphemous contest involving zombie Jesus and his fuck buddies.

Sorry to disappoint you. Sort of.

This contest we'll be about bringing back your dead. Give me your funniest, raunchiest, most fucked up OLD comics. They can be about any subject matter you want, but you can't do any new ones for this.

Got more than one? Multiple entries are accepted. Got one that's so horrible that you think someone will judge you? I want to see it. (and why are you worried about what strippers think of you anyway?)

Ok, so here's a quick rules round-up:

1. No new comics.
2. You can post more than one.
3. Only the most fucked up comics will win.
4. Keep it classy (optional)

Start digging.

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...and if you liked that one, here's a link to my other stupid shit.

The first of many, I hope, Mr. Kain!

Groovy! - Bleed like a retarded MMA fighter by edoggydog 7-06-12

The first lesson on how to be an MMA fighter is defending the roundhouse to the face... I'll kick and you try to block it. Okay? Groovy! Hi-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-i-YA! Oops. What the FUCK?? Sorry... I didn't realize I'm on my period. Yecccch!

Groovy! - Colorless, Odorless, and Tasteless. by edoggydog 11-22-11

I see everything not only in terms of black and white, but also in shades of gray... Groovy! [*BRAAAAAAAAAAP* ] Nope. Can't smell a thing... I TELL YOU MY BLIND DAUGHTER RECENTLY GOT PARALIZED FROM THE WAIST DOWN AND YOU SAY THE GOOD NEWS IS SHE CAN NOW DO ANAL WITHOUT MAKING A THAT WEIRD TAKING-IT-UP-THE-ASS FACE?? EEEEEEEEEEEEEK!!!! Too soon?

Groovy! - Meanwhile, back at Granny's butt crack... by edoggydog 11-09-11

Meanwhile, back at Granny's house... Meanwhile, back at Granny's house... I said, MEANWHILE, BACK AT GRANNY'S HOUSE!! Sorry. I crapped my Depends last night and it took me all morning to scrape the crusty turd remnants out my wrinkly butt crack. I'm both disgusted and turned on at the same time!

RCL no. 3534 by RandomComicLayoutGuy 8-29-13

I know this sounds a little kinky, Gary, but I've never experienced "zombie sex" before... *ick* Wanna have sex with me? UH, GARY HAS A HEADACHE. C'mon! I'll let you eat my pussy... GARY IS A ZOMBIE, NOT A HUMAN GARBAGE DISPOSAL.

Finding a New Man by Neo11 2-09-11

I need to find a new man tonight-my boyfriend's tongue just can't please my pussy well enough If only there were someone out there who could really get the job done Hi there-I think I may be able to fix this little problem of yours

Fortunately I made a comic twelve years ago just in case of this very eventuality.

CC609 - We all have our whole lives ahead of us by kramer_vs_kramer 4-11-03

Mr Jesus, what will I be when I grow up? Little girl, I can show you the future. You just need to gaze deep into my rectum and BEHOLD... Blowjob for fifty bucks? Sorry, I can't afford that. I'm saving for the £14,000 Apple Watch. That hardly seems plausible. I know! £14k for an Apple Watch? That is fucked up!

RCL no. 4139 by RandomComicLayoutGuy 6-13-14

I'm not sliding off. I told you it would work! So, what did apply on this door knob to make it so sticky? Let's just say it's my own special "epoxy"... I'm afraid to ask... UUUUNNNGH NUUUUNNNNGGGH!!

Excellent....... I see two poor bastards who are neck-in-neck for the win. Keep that shit coming!

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...and if you liked that one, here's a link to my other stupid shit.

Clueless 2 by HCRoyall 10-06-05

So I'm waiting for the waitress to take my order when she hands me a slip of paper. "I haven't ordered anything," I said. "What's with the check?" "It's not a bill," she says, "it's a subpoena for the sexual harassment charges I'm bringing up against you." What a kidder. I left her an extra big tip and goosed her to show my appreciation for her dedication to service.

Clueless 3 by HCRoyall 10-06-05

That cute waitress cursed me out last night. Huge knockers or no, that was the last straw. So I had a few words with her manager. She was fired on the spot. I felt pretty smug, but she she ran out of the restaraunt in tears I felt this awful pain deep down inside. I figured it was just some indigestion, so I took some Pepto-Bismol.

Clueless 7 by HCRoyall 10-06-05

So things were getting really hot, right, and I pull her blouse off and undo her bra. Her hands are all over me, and I jam a finger in her ass; she starts moaning like it's the best thing she's ever felt. I'm all like "Awww yeah" and she gets down on her knees and starts to suck me off, but I have to donkey punch her a couple of times because she keeps using her teeth, right? She tries to lead me to the bedroom but I tell her to lie on the floor and put her feet behind her ears and... Don't give me that look. You know you want to try it.

Clueless 9 by HCRoyall 10-06-05

This one time I hooked up with a gorgeous woman. I take her home and things start getting hot when I notice a bulge in her crotch. Turns out "she" was really a pre-op transexual. I thought about throwing her out, but I'd already paid for the hour so I figured why the hell not?

Clueless 10 by HCRoyall 10-06-05

I like having a good sturdy lock on my bedroom door. It gives me a sense of security during sex. This one woman I was living with thought it was a little extreme. So I told her, "Mom! I don't want you walking in and scaring off my tail!"

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It was such a waste of everyone’s time and money that even the Tokyo stadium’s rape robots apologized– something they were programmed specifically never to do.

Clueless 11 by HCRoyall 10-06-05

Have you ever felt guilty about taking advantage of someone, sexually? Not me.

Clueless 14 by HCRoyall 10-06-05

Somebody accused me of being a misogynist the other day. That is totally untrue. I don't hate women... I just don't believe they have feelings like us.

Clueless 15 by HCRoyall 10-06-05

So, Scruffy, how many female dogs have you bagged in your life? Woof. You lying sonuvabitch.

Clueless 24 by HCRoyall 10-08-05

Hubba hubba! Oh crap, the Man's back! Scruffy, what were you doing at my computer... holy crap... Scruffy, I don't know whether to applaud you for being able to look up bestiality porn on the computer or to scold you for actually paying for it. Woof.

Clueless 28 by HCRoyall 10-12-05

This girl last night asked me for some foreplay. What a pervert.

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It was such a waste of everyone’s time and money that even the Tokyo stadium’s rape robots apologized– something they were programmed specifically never to do.

Clueless 29 by HCRoyall 10-12-05

So what have you brought me today, Scruffy? Woof. Looks a little underripe, but I'll just keep her in the basement until she matures.

Clueless: AIDS by HCRoyall 12-08-05

So I was about to score with this chick the other night, right? And she's really pushing me to use a condom, says she has AIDS. So I say, "What does safe sex have to do with kinky toys?"

I know I've got more somewhere.

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It was such a waste of everyone’s time and money that even the Tokyo stadium’s rape robots apologized– something they were programmed specifically never to do.

Looks like HCRoyall is pulling out all the [butt] plugs for this CC!

RCL no. 671 by RandomComicLayoutGuy 11-14-05

Not satisfied with just "rubber-necking" a deadly car accident from afar... YAAAAAACCCK!! YAAAAAACCCK!! ...Russ insists (to his detriment) on getting an up-close view of the gruesome, blood-drenched, guts-ripped, broken bones-exposed, brains-splattered fatality scene, and reacts accordingly! YAAAAAACCCK!!

RCL no. 2672 by RandomComicLayoutGuy 12-03-11

Here...it...COMES!! As Maura was taking a dump in Peter's mouth... *OOMPH* ...Peter vowed to himself to never, ever criticize Maura's cooking again. GUK!! HOW DO YOU LIKE WHAT MAURA'S COOKING UP NOW, ASSHOLE??

RCL no. 4396 by RandomComicLayoutGuy 11-14-14

Oh, God... I shouldn't have eaten so much sushi for lunch! *OOMPH* You gonna eat that?

RCL no. 2220 by RandomComicLayoutGuy 7-01-10

Oh, fudge. I just took a shit in my pants. I wish I would have remembered to put on underwear this morning... Ah, fuck. I just took a shit in my pants. I wish I would have remembered to put on my Depends this morning... Ooooooh. I can feel the shit oozing down the back of my right leg onto the floor... Ooooooh. I can feel shit rolling down the back of my right leg onto the floor... [ *sniff, sniff* ] Hmmm... I don't remember eating tacos for lunch. [ *sniff, sniff* ] Hmmm... I don't remember eating egg salad for lunch.

RCL no. 4625 by RandomComicLayoutGuy 3-17-15

Meanwhile, back on Planet Pantywasted WTF... Let us pray... Oh, dear Lord... Here...it....comes! What? *OOMPH* THOU SHALL NOT SHAT IN A HOUSE OF WORSHIP!!! BUT, IT WAS A "HOLY" SHIT!!!!!!

CC570: This one didn't go over well with my friends by evil_d 11-29-12

So the latest news on that guy who shot up the Batman premiere is that he claims his therapist brainwashed him to do it. Wait. Some guy opened fire in a Batman movie? Yeah. In Colorado, back in July. Didn't you hear? So... any kids lose both their parents?

That title is true, by the way.

I like my drinks like I like my women: offensively named by evil_d 9-29-14

Hey, barkeep. Give me an Irish Car Bomb. Sorry, but this is the UK and that's really offensive. I can make you a "Twin Towers", though. What's that? I fill two tall shot glasses with liquor, then set them on fire and knock them over. That's stupid. I wouldn't pay for that. Well, you could always make Iraq pay for it.

Speaking as an American I am really not offended by whatever stupid thing anyone names a drink, but some people....

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The what mentioned above is total fiction. Please don't take it seriously!

FTC 32 : KOBOR Will Kornhole You Now , Beeeeeatch by Kevin_Keegans_Perm 4-24-04

Darn! Temporary blindness again! And just when I needed to take a humongous leak! Whew! Thought I'd never find the bathroom! Oh...oh, yeah...that's better...ahhhhh.... Aww shit, not again! You going to jail Kobe Bryant.

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"Life Sucks, Then you Die. The bit inbetween isnt very funny either"

FTC 30 : Mount Olsenympus by Kevin_Keegans_Perm 4-09-04

Zeus! I'm bored! Are you kidding? We're on Mt. Olympus! We have everything. Fun, Zeus, I want to do something fun! Tell me, what do you do for fun? Hmmm... No Zeus. Im not doing it. Paedophilia is not cool, even if it is the Olsen Twins. Cmon, all the other gods are doing it