Ah....Silly me being charged with such huge responsibility...er....

Comic Contest XVI: And now... by bobo32 3-25-01

Here's the deal: You must use either dexx-elaphant or dex-cthulhu back to back in at least one panel. Also, you must use the phrase, "I don't take checks" and something to the effect of I don't get it. The world will pay. And I don't take checks. I don't get it.

Thanks to Gabe for the phrase. I'm still wondering where to send the money. Backgrounds and characters in other panels are all fair play. Be interesting with what exactly the two headed monster type thing is supposed to be. Contest ends Wednesday at 2PM EST.

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I would be Jesus, if I could get rid of these damn anti-Jesite demons.

Draw a line in the middle of this one and call it two panels.

Comic Contest XVI - If I'm co-dependent, you're the enabler by ObiJo 3-25-01

I can separate you two, but it's pretty expensive. And I don't take checks. Whatever it takes to get this clingy bastard away from me, Doc. Clingy?! How could you say such a thing! All done. You boys feel better now? Much better! You'reATrueLifesaver,Doc. I miss him already. I don't get it.

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I ate a hooker half a bottle of knife.

Comic Contest XVI (Call of Cthulhu) by DragonXero 3-26-01

So, Mexican suckwhore, what will $3.50 Amercian get me? Dee feengar and a plessant FACK YOO! But, ay know someone whoo weel geeve you eet all for dat munney! Ouch... well, if she's so cheap, what's wrong with her? Well.... Well, I have many STDs, am attached to my twin sister here, and the acid which pours copiously from my mouth may burn your dick off. ...and I don't accept CHECKS!

Okay, so this was half-assed and sorry...
I know I won't win, so I will just clutter your board with bad comics! HAHAHAHA

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Do you want ants? Because that's how you get ants.

here's mine...lol and here's hoping this works!

Contest XVI-egads it's Monday! by Jael 3-26-01

Once upon a time...in college.... Must call Gabe and Obijo about the party tonight A few rupies slipped into Jael's drink later... Obijo! I think she's looking rather sick! I just don't get it! Gabe, do that funny thing with the bar graphs. That'll really get her! Oh Jael...Jael we hardly knew ye. Hey Obi...do you have any cash on you? The mortician doesn't take checks.

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Women are fisher's of men because we all know.... The small ones you throw back. The medium ones you eat. The large ones you mount.

ObiJo shows us that the early bird gets to make first use of the conjoined twin idea, making anyone else who uses it a big copycat.

Bastage. I knew I shouldn't have been sleeping.

G

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100 pounds of shit in a 25 pound sack.

Haw haw haw! I kind of figured that idea would go quickly...dunno. Maybe this wasn't the best idea for a contest, but we'll see what other interesting uses people have for conjoined twin type thingies.

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I would be Jesus, if I could get rid of these damn anti-Jesite demons.

wait a sec...did I miss something here? They didn't HAVE to be considered conjoined twins did they? I thought the elephant made a pretty funky acid trip myself rofl

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Women are fisher's of men because we all know.... The small ones you throw back. The medium ones you eat. The large ones you mount.

http://www.lowpass.net/stripcreator/view.php?ID=10801

Comic Contest XVI: Yet another pre-disqualified entry... by wirthling 3-26-01

Behold the wonder of science! Presenting... ...the Cthulephant! No, no, no - it's the Elephthulhu! So whaddaya think? I think wirthling should get his head out of his ass and start following the contest rules...

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"And Wirthling isn't worth the paper he isn't printed on."

Of course they didn't have to be conjoined twins... Didn't mean to give that impression. I thought was a beautiful trip, Jael; brought a tear to my eye, it did.

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I would be Jesus, if I could get rid of these damn anti-Jesite demons.

Comic Contest XVI - The alien museum by BigEvilDan 3-26-01

This is a reconstruction of an earth creature known as a "dog". Dog fashions may have varied from the one shown here. As for the purpose of the ball...well we just don't get it. This earth creature is called an "elephant". Fossil reconstructions may not be completely accurate, of course. And look kids! It's our mascot Hugo the Human! For $5 you can give him an anal probe. And I don't take checks.

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"Oh, look, a joke! How original! Thank you, but if I wanted my emotions stimulated pleasurably, I'd get a whore." - Donald B. Jones III

Let no man accuse me of reading instructions completely before acting!

I'll post this here anyway. If I think of something before Wednesday afternoon that actually meets the criteria of the contest, I'll make sure to post it.

Comic Contest XVI: This is Fiction. I Swear! by Scyess 3-26-01

Hi, honey. What's up? You know the vegetable garden you've toiled to grow in the back yard for the last 10 years? I had it ripped out and replaced with the biggest, ugliest lawn ornament I could find. This had better be his subtile way of telling me he wants a divorce. Of course, all this really is is my subtle way of telling you I want a divorce!

Regardless, thanks to Bobo for the idea. 8)

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"Old" is the old new.

I'm never winning one of these.

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Do you want ants? Because that's how you get ants.

Yah, but I didn't use my Militant E.T. idea, so that's still fair game.

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I ate a hooker half a bottle of knife.

Phone home. Beeeatch.

Comic Contest XVI: What Would You Do With 6 Billion Dollars? by gabe_billings 3-26-01

"Lot number 456B, the mummified remains of the world's only known Siamese elephants, captured in India in 1856 by Dr. Geoffrey Barnabus. We'll start the bidding at four million. Six million! Five million! Sold, to Mr. Yang, for $78.3 million dollars. I might add that we don't take checks. No problem, snooch. Just put it on my Yahoo Platinum Visa. I don't quite get it. You just more money than the GNP of a small third world country on a nasty hunk of dead elephant. Well, yeah. But it'll make a bitchin' coatrack for my office.

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100 pounds of shit in a 25 pound sack.

In the immortal words of Whitesnake's David Coverdale, "Here I Go Again".

Comic contest XVI: Disney's Hentaisia by Bottlerockett 3-26-01

Alice approaches the looking glass with caution.. Why is it called a "looking glas" anyway? Why not just "mirror"?? Oh shit! mirror demons! What the... Step through! Pleasures unbound! And on the other side... Okay, I start at $50 and go up from there. No checks. Now put this schoolgirl dress on for me. Cheap Japanese mirror monsters!

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http://wally.pgbco.com

Comic Contest XVI: Two in each hand and one in your mouth. by DexX 3-26-01

One day on the way to market... I don't get it... why should I give you my pink donkey for a handful of beans? These are _magic_ beans. They are worth millions of dollars, but no-one ever has that kind of cash, and I don't take cheques, so I will just have to settle for brightly-coloured livestock. Next morning... ...and then a giant elephantstalk crushed my house and killed my family. Elephantstalk...? I really have to stop genetically modifying plants while smoking crack.

As Oscar Wilde said while passing through customs: "I have nothing to declare, except this half-kilo bag of crack rocks hidden in my underpants... oops, I wasn't supposed to tell you about that!"

That's not relevant, however.

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This signature has performed an illegal operation and has been shut down.

Incidentally: "It was the first original song Dylan wrote for a movie since 'Knockin' on Heaven's Door,' from the 1973 western Pat Garrett & Billy the Kid" (AP).

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What others say about boorite!

Comic Contest XVI: Psyche is not a tennis shoe.... by NastyPope 3-27-01

Ja, okie dokie Herrrrrrr Doperrman, I feel dat dis session is going quite vell. I vant you to look at dis Rrrrrrrorschach test und tell me vat you see. Oh, you mean one of them inkblot tests? Damn, I don't know Doc, I don't do well with tests. Good, I vant you to tell me the first thought dat came into your brrrrain. Well doc, looks to me like two octopussies fuckin, and I don't take checks of my mental health too kindly, can't you see I'm perfectly normal ?

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At least im still funny .....looking. http://www.carrionfields.com

I think DexX has it locked down.

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http://wally.pgbco.com

Losers by DragonXero 3-27-01

What's wrong with you? I can't seem to win any of these damn comic contests. Let me get this straight, you can't even win at a comic contest where you just paste characters into frames and add text? Yeah... that's pretty much it. Loser.

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Do you want ants? Because that's how you get ants.

http://www.lowpass.net/stripcreator/view.php?ID=10906

Comic Contest XVI - Sorry, but it was the only idea I had. by evil_d 3-27-01

If you want one of these vibrators, ma'am, you'll have to pay in cash up front. I don't take checks... too many people try to stiff me. Get it? "Stiff"? Hah! Um, no, I don't quite get it. Anyway, I do want to buy one, but I'm not seeing anything I really like. Do you maybe have something a little more... full-featured? "Now that you mention it... I think I might have just the thing...."

I've been away for a few days. I'm really sorry I missed the contest with the line theme, mostly because I would have kicked all your asses at it. (It's easy for me to talk big now that we'll never know for sure....)

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The what mentioned above is total fiction. Please don't take it seriously!

Hey, what's going on? It's 2am Thursday here...

Yes, I am the amazing Man From The Future...

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This signature has performed an illegal operation and has been shut down.

I just had a great idea! It's already Thursday where Dexx is, but it's only Wednesday morning here. The Ohio lottery is tonight, and the jackpot is $21 million! All Dexx has to do is get online and lookup tonight's winning numbers and tell me what they are. Then I'll have buttloads of cash and I can give everyone some.

Then we can do this for lotteries in all the other states. We'll be richer than God! It'll be great.

Dexx, do your stuff. I need 6 numbers from 1 to 49, pronto.

G

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100 pounds of shit in a 25 pound sack.

Great idea, but it won't work, unfortunately. I am in the future, and all Australian-hosted sites are in the future, but when I access American-hosted pages there is some kind of freaky time displacement whatsit (Chief Engineer O'Brien would know exactly what it's called) and I get pages from yesterday. Sucks, really...

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This signature has performed an illegal operation and has been shut down.

Ah yes, it's about that time again boys and girls.

I'm sorry I won't be mentioning each comic individually, but I am a lazy bastard and it's two. I have looked at each one extensively, and I'd like to give mention to Obijo for giving the most heartwarming, evil_d for giving the most painful (and I mean OUCH), and Jael for giving the most freaky (The bar graphs! THE BAR GRAPHS!).

And the winner is...

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I would be Jesus, if I could get rid of these damn anti-Jesite demons.