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Wahey! So, I'm as surprised to be hosting this as anyone but it's still literally a dream come true to have won a competition, except this dream has less sex and absinthe than usual. But anyway, here's the set-up for Comic Competition 179:

[u]The Rules:[/u]
[list]
[*][u]The focus of the strip must be somewhere remote[/u], far away from everyone and everything else. This can be anywhere you want, on an island, in space, or the middle of a desert, a mountain, whatever. Just as long as it's far away and there are very few people there.
[*]Characters can talk about this place from elsewhere or ideally be stuck in this place, getting up to something.
[*] Series are welcome
[*] Old strips that are compliant are welcome.
[*] You may not use the letter E. Just kidding. EEEEE!
[/list]
[u]No-no's[/u]
Nothing is blatantly forbidden (wahey!)
However…[list]
[*] I'm unlikely to find any clichés or stereotypes funny unless done in a particularly new way.
[*]Other than that anything goes.
[/list]
The following are optional and will get you [u]Super Bonus Points[/u]:
[list]
[*] Exceptionally silly names for the place. Eg. Space Station Renton 47, or Fistula Island.
[*] The following words or phrases, or variants on them:
[list]
[*]"Creosote"
[*]"Who's Doublenutz?"
[*] "I just finished de-icing the…[insert technical phrase here] module, I need a [insert drink here] [insert analogy to how badly character needs beverage here]?"
[*] "Uranium enriched cheese"
[*] New and Creative insults such as " haddock shite" "Sweet rabid baby Jayzus!" or "Bah! Would that I could reign flaming meteors on those soul-less bastards! BAAAHHH!"!
[/list]
[*] I'm a fan of Scottish sci-fi author Iain M. Banks so if you've read any of his stuff, working in some element of his work will win major points. Or any other science fiction type plot device or film reference for that matter.

[*] Last but not least I'm open to flattery and bribes, in the form of recycling characters or reference to any of the running "jokes" from any of my strips . This may require you to read some of them. Hey, perhaps this smacks of egotism but I may never win another comic competition again so I may as well encourage people to give my crap a remix while I can!
[/list]

I'm introducing a twist in this one, in the form of:
[u]Recommended reading[/u] on remote places:
http://www.bas.ac.uk/Living_and_Working/Diaries/Halley/2002/index.html
http://www.kerguelen.de
http://www.geocities.com/yosemite/4466/

Obviously, just like university, you can ignore these and go and drink beer at the cheapest bar you can find instead. Or whatever.

Ok, there's the rules and recommendations.

Now pack up your map, tequila, thermal underwear and/or sunscreen , find this godforsaken remote place and I'll see you back here on Monday 7th April at noon British Summer Time.

CC 179 participants: your expedition begins…NOW![/font][/size]

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Please replace the handset, and try again.

I'm so ashamed of myself.

CC 179: Can't Even See Funny From Here by MaxPayne 3-30-03

Well, figure I might as well do it before anyone else does. Out here in the middle of the desrt it's rough to survive. Sweet rabid baby Jayzus! There's no Creosote OR uranium-enriched cheese, and I need a martini like President Bush needs an 8 Ball! Bah! Would that I could reign flaming meteors on those soul-less bastards! BAAAHHH! Oh, you're such a haddock shite! Who's DoubleNutz?

I'll do a real attempt later.

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leggo my dcomposed! ®

Ahh. That's better. Not much better though.

CC 179: Prepare to be Boarded by MaxPayne 3-30-03

T-Minus 5....4.... Well, I hope you're proud of yourself. "Gee, I wonder what this flashing red button does?" Jesus Christ, and you call yourself a Mission Commander! Well, I didn't design Space Station Renton 47!!! How was I supposed to know it would just decompress all the compartments like that? 3...2...   ?   1... Sucky Comic! Lt. DoubleNutz? Lt. DoubleNutz, where did you go? I have destroyed him! Now enough talk, Granny, commence probing!

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leggo my dcomposed! ®

A series I done a year and a half ago, based on the "Johnny Castaway" screen saver:

Johnny Castaway - The Television Series by KajunFirefly 11-13-01

hey there good lookin' mermaid type, fancy having dinner sometime? sure, what we eatin'? You could munch on my big black welly? FUCK YOU, JERK! maybe those liliputians will come round again, I could've sworn one of them winked at me.

Johnny Castaway meets Frasier by KajunFirefly 11-13-01

Johnny Castaway is filmed in front of a live studio audience ...and I never saw her again Doc, I can't stop thinking about her, I just want her to know that I'm sorry! you know Johnny, time is a great healer. I have a date with a girl, Julia, that I met a while ago so I must dash off, but I'm sure you'll be ok! Julia? but that's my lost love! you mean you're the other guy? you're the guy that she finds more intellectually stimulating? your her hunk of burning love? oh god! Your the guy with the huge black cock? oh, I'm so sorry Johnny, somehow I must have got my wires crossed with hilarious consequences! ....again! it seems like you've done that for the past 10 years doc, your like a thinking man "Keenan and Kel"! she really said I was a "hunk of burning love"?

Johnny Castaway's philosphical debate by KajunFirefly 11-13-01

man, when I get off this island, I'm going to go to Uni and study Philosophy, then I'll be the best damn philosopher in the land.... yeah I'll just philosphise all day long .............................. actually, what the fuck do philophers do? Do they work in an office? Are they private contractors? who is my local philosopher? do they have a union? is there an on-line philospher? wait, what the fuck IS philosophy? it makes no sense!

Johnny Castaway reflects by KajunFirefly 11-13-01

I wonder if Sarah will be missing me, surely she must've noticed I'm missing. I wonder how she's getting on. maybe if, or when I get home, she'll be waiting for me, maybe we can make another go at a relationship. I'll apologise for being a jealous fool. I'm sure she'll have forgotten about me shitting in her toaster.

Johnny Castaway questions biology by KajunFirefly 11-13-01

hmm hmm? why do my testicles just randomly float around my sack on their own? I have no control over it what-so-ever!

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Dad was flammable

Johnny Castaway and friends! by KajunFirefly 11-13-01

Johnny meets Phil, from the other side of the island! when I get off this island, I'm gonna patent headed eyelid pads, I'd rake in a fortune! but you'd never be able to get to sleep with the wires hanging from your eyes. they could be solar powered your hardly going to go to sleep with the light on you could use them when your sun-bathing! Phil, your a moron!

Johnny Castaway's conversation meltdown by KajunFirefly 11-13-01

Johnny Castaway and Phil Stranded: Phil, what's your favourite word? "penultimate" why? It describes me perfectly, I'm the penultimate man! what? after you there's only one more left? doesn't penultimate mean something about large testicles?

Johnny Castaway has a moral debate..............with a fish! by KajunFirefly 11-13-01

time to catch some dinner! hey bub! huh? how would you like it if we dragged your friend Phil into the sea and ate him? first I would point and laugh, then I would just laugh! wise-ass

Johnny Castaway Vs The Underwater Alliance by KajunFirefly 11-13-01

that punk Johnny Castaway will pay for his crimes against the underwater alliance yes Terry, we shall rise up and crush the infidel first we'll kidnap that idiot Phil then turn him against Johnny, he shall be our slave, hey, are you listening to me? hmm?...... yeah...... hang on.....I'm gonna sneak up on that worm over there! you fool! aaaaaahh, my cheek!!!

Johnny Castaway meets Jerry Seinfeld by KajunFirefly 11-13-01

I told Phil I thought he was a moron! You told Phil you thought he was a moron? Did he freak? He freaked, he asked me to tell him the truth! He asked you to tell him the truth? you're not supposed to tell him the truth! THEN WHY WOULD HE ASK ME? Why would he ask you? so that you would lie, I can't believe you told him the truth!

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Dad was flammable

Johnny Castaway meets Tom Hanks by KajunFirefly 11-13-01

wow, Tom Hanks, you were in that movie, Castaway, if anyone can save me, you can! sure, all we need to do is make stuff from the Fedex boxes lying around! uh, there are no Fedex boxes lying around! no Fedex boxes? not even a Fedex plane? Fedex paper? anything with the Fedex logo? holy shit, how is this thing funded? I don't see one piece of subliminal advertising! there's a Starbucks on the East side of the island! hey look, it's Daryl Hannah, my co-star from the 1984 movie "Splash", she'll be able to turn me into a Merman and I can swim home, so long, nob-jockey!

Johnny Castaway meets Tobor by KajunFirefly 11-14-01

oh, hello there, I thought this island was deserted except for me and Phil...... and a selection of celebrity guests, who might you be? MIGHT BE ROBINSON CRUSOE, YOU BE MAN FRIDAY! alright, I'll go along with that, so, "Mr Crusoe", got any ideas of getting of this island? TOBOR GOT SUGGESTION, INVOLVE SWALLOWING A LOT OF BRINE! it's ok, I've got used to the salt water by now, I've been living on Foaming Crapfish and seaweed for weeks, I've got bowels of STEEL! TOBOR FIND MAN OF DREAMS!

Johnny Castaway meets Fred Durst by KajunFirefly 11-15-01

why, if it isn't nu-metal rap-rock star Fred Durst! All your motherfuckin' base y'all! Significant Other was the bomb! someone set up US the bomb!! am I cool?

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Dad was flammable

CC 179: Stacy the Radical Feminist by kaufman 3-30-03

Stacy the Radical Feminist has just died, and meets St. Peter at the gates of Heaven ... Whoa, I get to go in here? Absolutely, and I think you'll like the place. Not a man to be found. No men? Come on, even I'm sure a few of them lived good lives. Even the best men wind up in, how shall we say this, a remote place. CLICK ... CLICK ... CLICK ... This afterlife is the BEST! I just love these remotes!

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

CC 179: A dark and lonely place by Zegota 3-31-03

Hello? Is there anyone in here? Hello. I am the caretaker, how can I help you? I'm lost, where in Needledicks Eustachian Tube am I? We are currently inside the head of one George Bush Jr. But if I were you I'd get the hell out of here, everyone else did. I'm packing up my shit to get the fuck out of here too.

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And you know what Hell is, folks. It's Andy Gibb, singing 'Shadowdancing' for aeons and aeons...

CC 179: Lucky Jim gets lost Under Sea. by Aero_God 3-31-03

Oh great Sea sage. I have finished de-icing the undersea difubulation module. I need a drink of something that isnt sea water or Ill have to drink the sea water and probably die. Patience young apprentice. your next task is to journy to the Empire oF Azad and obtain the uranium enriched cheese from the great Dr.gurgeh Doublenutz! Well Ill be a pigs lover on sunday night, Im almost free of my undersea exile. Indeed. Go now. Look to the Windward and know the State of the Art use of weapons. Okay so the great sage doesnt know THAT much. Ummm...but you... SHUT UP YOU! Never question my steamingly erectileable intelligence.

quote:

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[u]Just as long as it's far away and there are very few people there.[/u]

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CC 179: Wyoming at Night by kaufman 3-31-03

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

I'm too lazy to make new comics.

All Dogs Go to Heaven by Bargaintuan 3-11-03

Gotta keep my balance! The rescue plane will be here any minute.. Yo! I noticed your ship breaking up. Say, that's a neat trick! You couldn't, like, help me to walk on water or something until I get rescued? I can't swim, you see. I would, but that ball thing is just too damn cool!

Men in Black on a Really Low Budget. by Bargaintuan 2-27-03

I'm a man. I'm a man, too.

Jurassic Park IV by Bargaintuan 2-18-03

I say, old chap. Cracking good whether we're having, what? Yeth, thewe'th not a cloud in the thky, and that bweeze ith wonderful! Looks like we've got another of those areoplanes full of pesky mammals. You'd better get rid of them, Timothy. All wight. I'll thcare them weal good. RAWR! RARRRRR! I'M GOING TO EAT YOU!!! Yeah, right. I heard the whole thing. Besides, you've got a mug of WARM MILK in your hands....

The Life of a Superhero by Bargaintuan 2-11-03

Commissioner Wilson has just received a disturbing report. He calls Chief O'Malley into his office... That archcriminal, the Reaper, is on the loose in Capital City! This is a job for Powerman! Nah... I think we can handle it. Meanwhile, in the Power Lab, secret lair of Powerman... Please ring! Please ring! Please ring! For the love of God, RING!!!

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Life is a lot like getting mugged; you get your kicks, you take your punches, and when it's over, someone else gets your cash.

CC 179: No Direction Home by kaufman 3-31-03

We've been walking for hours. This looks wrong. Won't you please ask someone for directions? Relax. I'm sure this is the right way, and besides, there's no one around here to ask. Now I'm positive we made a wrong turn somewhere. If you refuse to ask, will you at least check the map? Ok, Ok. Let me look in this atlas ... According to this, we should be right around ... *urp* R'lyeh.

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ken.kaufman@gmail.com

CC179: Remotely Random by maddog00 3-31-03

Hey, fignuts. I just finished de-icing the high speed dinuclear thermoreactor module, I need a bean curd soda like a dog likes sniffing crap. Who's Doublenutz? And what'd you do with the Uranium enriched cheese I said fignuts. And we ate all the cheese already. Well, shit. Fuck. Shitfuck. Where are we at anyway? Somewhere remote. East Jabib..or Bumblefuck. Something like that.

Space 1999 by mmyers 3-31-03

Meanwhile at the remote orbitting space station, Hooters Orbitting Space Station... Hey Creosote, what'cha workin' on? I am experimenting with time travel. Great Lake Titty-Kaka! Yes, indeed. It should take us 10 seconds into the past. I'll demonstrate. ZAP! Hey Creosote, what'cha workin' on? I am experimenting with time travel.

Space 1999 (2) by mmyers 3-31-03

Hours (or perhaps seconds) later, at the remote orbitting space station, Hooters Orbitting Space Station... Hey Creosote, what'cha workin' on? I am experimenting with time travel. Great Lake Tit...waitaminute...something feels weird about this, like de ja vu. I don't like it. I feel like you shouldn't press that button. Why? All it will do is take us 10 seconds in to the past. See? ZAP! Hey Creosote, what'cha workin' on? I am experimenting with time travel.

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Peeing sitting down is the gift you give yourself.