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| Hi. My name is Kevin HOLYFUCKINGSHITBALLSISITHIMOHGODYESITISIT'SREALLYHIM Costner. | |
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| I'm in a bunch of movies. I act in them mostly. If I've ever done anything else in them it's purely because either somebody was drunk or they didn't know it was me. | |
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| Well... if you can call it acting. For the most part whatever role I'm in I always wind up somehow managing to be the single most generic thing to grace the big screen since the last time I graced it. | |
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| That isn't to say it's a bad thing. I just don't know how to act. I'm the Morgan Freeman of white people without a seductively deep voice. Essentially I play myself with a deadpan expression. | |
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| Unless I'm emoting on queue to hide my disgust at you people for buying into my shitty films. I could be anything from a superspy to a serial killer cheerleader and I'd still somehow manage to be me. | |
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| Just me. Just me and absolutely nothing else but me. The only real explanation for my success is that I am secretly omnipotent and am therefore the earthly incarnation of God. PS: Beeko says I'm poop. | |
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