Hi. My name is Kevin HOLYFUCKINGSHITBALLSISITHIMOHGODYESITISIT'SREALLYHIM Costner.
I'm in a bunch of movies. I act in them mostly. If I've ever done anything else in them it's purely because either somebody was drunk or they didn't know it was me.
Well... if you can call it acting. For the most part whatever role I'm in I always wind up somehow managing to be the single most generic thing to grace the big screen since the last time I graced it.
That isn't to say it's a bad thing. I just don't know how to act. I'm the Morgan Freeman of white people without a seductively deep voice. Essentially I play myself with a deadpan expression.
Unless I'm emoting on queue to hide my disgust at you people for buying into my shitty films. I could be anything from a superspy to a serial killer cheerleader and I'd still somehow manage to be me.
Just me. Just me and absolutely nothing else but me. The only real explanation for my success is that I am secretly omnipotent and am therefore the earthly incarnation of God. PS: Beeko says I'm poop.
Also... who the hell made this comic? It definitely was NOT me... I super pinky promise and stuff... I think I've been #leethaxored
posted May 15th, 2016 ( permalink )
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