My name is Santa Claus and I would like to bring you your Christmas gifts.
I want tools that will help me slay my enemies in as painful a manner as possible. I want knives and chainsaws and perhaps a fishing hook or a fork as well. And six gallons of salt.
My goodness, I thought I had seen naughty children but you take the cake! Please do not continue, for I fear my head might explode at the thought!
The first enemies on my list are my parents, followed by my boyfriend, and then my girlfriend. They haven't done anything wrong to me, but they're boring, which is reason enough for me.
My words have destroyed the Fat Man. My mission is finally complete.
