CHUBBY  

Mother Teresa is seen as someone who helped the sick, but basically she just gave them aspirin and a place to die. She ignored basic medical practices and baptized comatose, dying Muslims and Hindi.

But no expense was spared on her own medical care. And she was unaccountable for any of the hundreds of millions of dollars she raised. She hung out with dictators, like Duvalier.

Finally, she refused to give India's billion people what they really need-- contraception. This dried-up, ancient, hideous, skanky, virginal, sea-hag looking motherfucker told other women what to do.

During the Indo-Pakistani war, 450,000 women were gang-raped by the Pakis. Mother Teresa urged the mothers to keep their half-caste bastards, but didn't comfort the victims or condemn the soldiers.

All she wanted to do was prevent abortions. Therefore, we recommend in the strongest possible way against beatifying Mother Teresa.

Hahaha, you had me going there until you said the part about preventing abortions. We won't beatify her, we'll just go ahead and canonize her tomorrow, if I'm still breathing.