I'm here with a representative of NORAD to explain an annual publicity stunt taxpayers have been financing the past 50 years.
Through the use of radar, satellites and jet fighter aircraft, we're able to track all of Santa Clause's Christmas Eve activity and report it to the children.
For Santa to get his job done, he'd have to travel 150 times the speed of the world's fastest jet. You keep track of him the whole 24 hours?
Of course. This is the same network we use to monitor the airspace above America. We know everything that's going on up there at all times.
Yet a handful of terrorists were able to elude you in hijacked commercial airliners for two hours on 09/11/01?
Erm... Osama obviously has a more powerful breed of magic Elves working for him then Santa.
says: