All comics by Haxx0r_K1ng

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by Haxx0r_K1ng
12-24-01
pheer me, I am the h@>
j00 @re not! j00 @re just a azn grrrl.
Tempt thee n0t my 733+ 5|
@@@@@rRRrrRRRgggg, 1'm 0n phyre!
H@>

 

by Haxx0r_K1ng
12-24-01
pheer me, I am the h@xx0r K1ng!!!
j00 @re not! j00 @re just a azn grrrl.
Tempt thee n0t my 733+ 5k177z!
@@@@@rRRrrRRRgggg, 1'm 0n phyre!
H@xx0r K1ng 0wn0rz j00 @77!!!

 

by Haxx0r_K1ng
1-01-02
@s j00r k1ng, I h0pe +0 be @ k1nd & juft r00ler.
If j00 r l0yal & 0bed1@nt, j00 m1ght be rexxogniz0red & g1\/en @ imp0rt@nt job like "C0urt Jexxt0r."
Let /\/\e en+erta1n j00 w1+h my skillz0rz!
But rememb0rz j00 0ne +h1ng... +/\/\PT +HEE N0T MY 733+ SK177Z!!!
@@@RGGGHHH!!! 1'm 0n phyre!!!

 

by Haxx0r_K1ng
1-08-02
\/er1ly, 1 @m ruly k1ng 0f @77 H@xx0rz... bu here @re m@ny pretend0rz t0 he hrone.
1 @/\/\ 733 3R han th0u @rt!
hese pe0nz @re je@l0uz 0f my 733 sk1llz @nd my leg10nz 0f @dm1r0rz.
j00 @re n0t @ k1ng, j00 @re juft a f00!
But hey @77 f0rget 0ne th1ng... H377 h@th n0 fury l1ke @ h@xx0r sk0rned. PH33R!
@@@@RRRGH! 1'M 0N PHYRE!!!

 

by Haxx0r_K1ng
1-08-02
1 @m b0red. 1 kn0w wh@t 1'77 d0... 1'77 summ0n +he C0urt Jexxt0r!
Jexxt0r, entert@1n meh.
1t iz h@rd t0 be entert@1n1ng when j00r c0m1x suxx0rs s0 much. 1'm 0utt@ here0rz.
S1gh... 1ts n0t ez be1ng K1ng.

 

by Haxx0r_K1ng
1-08-02
H@xx0r_K1ng 0wn0rz @77 +hat he surveyz0rz...
j00 know wh@t +h@t me@nz...
ALL J00R B@SE @RE BEL0NG T0 US!

 

by Haxx0r_K1ng
1-08-02
Jexxt0r, +h0u @rt t00 ph@t. 1 dem@nd +h@t j00 g0 0n @ d1et!
But S1re, j00 @lre@dy h@ve me 0n @ d1et. 1 e@t n0th1ng but t@ble scr@ps every d@y.
J00 m@ke me s1ck, Jexxt0r!
1 d0n't underst@nd... h0w d0es j00r /\/\@jesty k33p h1s g1rl1sh f1gure? J00r /\/\@jesty e@ts en0ugh f0r @n eleph@nt...
\/\/1th sk177z @s 733+ @s m1ne, j00 c@n d0 @nyth1ng. M@ybe th1s w1ll help j00 burn j00r c@l0r1ez!
::PH\/\/00SH!!!::

 

by Haxx0r_K1ng
1-10-02
K@jun_F1refly, +h0u h@st been summ0ned t0 my c0urt t0 rec1eve j00r t1tle.
Wow, it's an honour your majesty.
1 hereby @pp01nt +hee w1th +he +1tle "Pr1me M1n1ster 0f Pr0n."
Great! Does this mean I get to manage the Kingdom's internet Porn treasury?
N0! 1t me@nz +hat +h0u must st@r 1n @ll 0f +he K1ngd0m's Pr0n! Summ0n +he C0urt T0B0R!!!
::gulp...::

 

by Haxx0r_K1ng
1-13-02
Ch@ncel0r 0f +he Exxchequer, wh@t 1s +h1s urgent buzz1ness j00 w@nted t0 t@lk @b0ut?
Sire, the court has been left a hefty sum of money in the will of a dead multigazillionaire.
Exxcelent newz, Ch@ncel0r! Get +0 w0rk dr@w1ng up @ budget! I h@ve se\/er@l new 1n1t1@t1ves +0 1mplement.
Certainly, my leige. What were you thinking of?
F1rxxst & f0remoxxst, 1 w0uld l1ke t0 see m0re fund1ng pl@ced 1n educ@t1on! 1 w1ll n0t rest unt1l 1 r00l the 733+3st n@at1on ever! L1teracy & spell1ng less0nz f0r @ll!!!
... Oooookay.

 

by Haxx0r_K1ng
1-28-02
An0+her d@y, @n0+her @ud1ence... 1 gr0w s0 we@ry 0f theze pe@zantz.
yOUR mAJESTY, i HAVE A SERIOUS PROBLEM. fOR SOME REASON, i CAN'T STOP SHOUTING! wHAT AM i SUPPOSED TO DO ABOUT THIS?
My G0d, +h1s guy 1s @nn0y1ng! He's g1v1ng me a h00ge he@daxx0r!
iN YOUR INFINITE KNOWLEDGE AND WISDOM, HOW DO i SOLVE THIS PROBLEM, mAJESTY?
Perh@ps j00 left the C@PS L0CK 0n? @lw@z rememb0rz t0 turn 0ff the C@PS L0CK! 1f y0u d0n't, pe0ple w1ll f1nd j00r speech ann0ying.
uMMMM... OKAY, MY lEIGE, "WH@TEVER J00 S@Y.

 

by Haxx0r_K1ng
2-10-02
G00d e\/en1ng, my subjexxt0rz. 1 @m here t0 g1ve j00 @ll @n 1mp0rt@nt @nn0uncement.
\/\/e @re fast @ppr0@ching a t1me 0f celebr@t10n. 1n @ mere +hree d@ys, j00 w1ll celebr@ate "H@ppy H@xx0rz D@y."
1 w1ll r1de @ll 0ver teh intrr@web 0n +he b@ck 0f my re1ndeer, c0llect1ng tr1butes 0f ch0c0late eggz @nd v@lentine comix!
And if you don't show the King your proper love, I'll make poo-poos on your porches.

 

by Haxx0r_K1ng
2-11-02
$1|\|ce pe0ple @re @lw@ys f0rgett1ng +he me@n1ngs 0f +he h0l1d@ys, I th1nk 1t's +1me f0r @ rem1nd0r. Wh@t 1s Chr1$tm@s @bout, S@1nt N1ck?
Oh, ho ho ho! It'$ about celebrating our $avior, Je$u$ Chri$t. And you can't have a good celebration without $pending LOT$ of Money on pre$ents!!
Eafter Bunny, wh@t 1s +he meaning of Eafter?
Well, it's all about celebrating the Ressurection by going overboard on fertility imagery like eggs and rabbits. Wanna breed?
Cup1d, wh@t 1s +he me@n1ng of V@lent1ne's D@y?
Oh, there's no forgotten meaning or anything. People with_mates_invented it to make people without mates feel the sting of lonliness even more acutely. Mwahaha!

 

by Haxx0r_K1ng
2-11-02
1 hereby decl@re +hat J@nu@ry 6th w1ll f0rever be +eh m0st s@cred d@y 0n +eh 1ntr@web!
\/\/HY IS THAT, J00R MAJESTY?
1t 1s +he d@y th@t +he f1rxxt c0mix w@s wr1tten 0n +h1s site.
B33R /\/\AKES T1ME D1E! PH33R!
1 K|\|0\/\/!

 

by Haxx0r_K1ng
3-25-02
Ph33r!
Aaaaaah! I am dieing!

 

by Haxx0r_K1ng
4-25-02
L@d1es and Gen+lehaxx0rz, 1 h@ve @n urgen+ @nn0uncemen+ t0 m@ke!
@s j00 m@y kn0w, 0ur cul+ur@l pr@ctices @re under @++@ck from the n0n-733+ pr0l1t@r1ate.
0urs 1s a dy1ng br33d... we must f1ght, f1ght, f1ght f0r 0ur w@y 0f l1fe!

 

by Haxx0r_K1ng
4-25-02
Spe@k, Ch@ncel0r 0f the Excexxquer.
Your excellency, I'm afraid that the current budget simply cannot support this war effort you proposed. Where is this money coming from?
Fr0m j00r s@lary, 1f j00 d0n't h0ld j00r t0ngue, Ch@ncel0r.
...Understood, your majesty.
Th@t Ch@ncel0r is gett1ng a l1ttle t00 n0sey 1n+0 R0y@l @ff@1rs. 1 mus+ k33p @n eye 0n h1m...

 

by Haxx0r_K1ng
4-25-02
1|\| teh K1ng's Bedch@mber...
Eh? What are those papers on the desk over there? They look like...
Ledgers!
Oh my god...

 

by Haxx0r_K1ng
4-25-02
These ledgers... they're records of the K1ng's secret dealings...
Here's 12Mbs of money to the state of Literacistan... that's who we're fighting right now! This was given out only weeks before the war was declared...
And here's a 500Kb bonus to the Pr1me M1n1xxt0r 0f Pr0n, Kajun_Firefly for... services rendered... Ewww!

 

by Haxx0r_K1ng
4-25-02
Shit, footsteps!!! Got to hide!
@h, 1 th1nk 1t's t1me f0r @ l00k 0ut teh w1nd0w 0ver teh k1ngd0m...
Stop right there! I am the voice of your concience! OooOoOoOohhhh!!!

 

by Haxx0r_K1ng
4-25-02
Wh@t?! Wh@t 1s g01ng 0n?
Your concience would like to know what you were doing with your seeeeecret leeeeedgers! OooOooOoohhh!!
S-S-S3cret l3dg3r0rz?!?!
Yeeees, the ones where you give mega bytes to the land of Literacistan. oOooOoooohhhh!!!
I-I-It w@z an 1ncent1ve! 1 w@nted @ccess t0 the1r d@t@ m1nes!
And you thought you could buy such highly classified information from them? Why? OoooOOoOOohh?!

 

by Haxx0r_K1ng
4-25-02
Th1s c0untry 1z 1n d1re str@1ts! 0ur feud@l techn0cr@cy 1s 0utd@ted! W1th the1r d@t@ m1nes, 1 c0uld br1ng th1s K1ng0m 1nto teh twentyf1rxxst century!
Bu+ teh neg0t1@t10ns w1th teh Prexxident0rz 0f Literacistan fell thr0ugh... 0ur m1l1t@ry m1ght 1s the only th1ng th@t c@n s@ve us fr0m ru1n!
But we have our own untapped data mines in this country... we should use thoooose!!! OooOoOooohhh!!!
W@1t @ m1nute... why d0es my c0nc1ence h@ve @ Literate @ccent? And why d0es 1t s0und l1ke teh Ch@ncel0r 0f teh Exchexxquer?
Uuhhh.... because you feel GUILTY! Guilty for bringing your military might to bear on the peace loving people of Literacistan! oOooOOoooOHhhh!!

 

by Haxx0r_K1ng
4-25-02
J00 @re r1ght! 1 @m @n ev1l ev1l K1ng... 1 muxxst end 1t @ll n0w!
!!!
@@@@RRGHH!!! 1'M 0N PHYRE!!!
Your Excellency, please don't do it!!!
H@h! F00led j00, Ch@ncell0r!
Oh... fuck.

 

by Haxx0r_K1ng
4-25-02
Sigh... here I am in the dungeon... doomed to spend the rest of my days branded a traitor.
Why can't the K1ng understand that I'm only looking out for the interests of the kingdom? Nay, the world!
I may be a Literate by birth, but my heart lies in the land of Haxx0ria. *Sigh.*

 

by Haxx0r_K1ng
4-25-02
Now that I'm rotting away in this cell, who will back the proposed Energy Saving mechanisms?
Who will work to lessen frivolous useage of CPU resources at the hands of the wasteful users and their giant memory-guzzlers?
*Sigh...* I wonder what's going on out there...

 

by Haxx0r_K1ng
4-25-02
Meanwhile, on the field of battle...
Y@@@RG! 1 W1LL H@XX0RZ J00 T0 P13C3S!!!
J00 H@VE N0 CH@NC3 T0 SURV1VE M@K3 J00R T1ME!!!
H@ H@ H@!
Steady your grounds, men! Don't fire until you see the bytes in their eyes!
What the fuck kind of secret code are they jabbering in?
I don't know... I'm scared!!!

 

by Haxx0r_K1ng
4-25-02
Gener@l, wh@t 1s teh st@tus 0f 0ur 0per@t10ns?
C@su@lt1es 0n b0th s1des @re m0unting... 0ur men's m0rale 1s @t @n @ll t1me l0w... w3 c@n't g0 0n l1ke th1s.
H0w w0uld j00 l1ke to sh@re c3ll sp@ce w1th teh f0rmer Ch@ncel0r 0f teh Exchexxquer?
1 d0n't th1nk 1 w0uld l1ke th@t, j00r Majexxty.
W3ll t00 bad! Gu@rds, t@ke h1m t0 teh dung30n!!!
1 d0n't th1nk th@t's @ g00d 1dea, Majexxty... teh gu@rds @re fed up w1th j00... th3y're l0y@lty 1s w1th me!!!

 

by Haxx0r_K1ng
4-25-02
Oh my, it's....
Your Excellency! What are you doing here?!
Teh G3n3r@l st@ged a C0up de T@t... 1 am... ru1ned. *w33p*
Your Majesty...

 

by Haxx0r_K1ng
6-17-02
\/\/0@h, h3y, wh@t +he h3ll 1s h@ppen1ng here?
1 s33m t0 be fl0@t1ng 1n s0me k1nd 0f v01d 1n +he un1verse...
@nd jus+ wh3n 1 w@s @b0ut t0 t@ke sp3ll1ng lexx0nz...

 

by Haxx0r_K1ng
9-04-02
OMG IT$ TH3 H@XX0R_K1NG! 1 TH0UGHT J00 W3R3 R0TT1NG @W@Y 1N J@1L @FTER J00R L@$T C0M1C C0NT3ST!!!
Th0u ne\/er seems t0 le@rn...
N0B0DY SUR\/1\/3S MY 1337 $K177z! PH33R M3!!!
@@@@RG! I'M ON PHYRE!

 

by Haxx0r_K1ng
9-13-02
Ho boy, we've got a mess here chief. A murder perped in the pooper, and the dumbest set of clues and possible eyewitnesses.
I reckon I wanna know what's goin' on here. What've you got so far?
Well, there was long red hair all over the stall, multiple stab wounds on the body, a uterus scrawled in blood on the celing, and unidentified animal feces in his throat.
You said there was an eyewitness or few? Well, what in tarnation did they say?
1 S@W 1T!!! 1 $@W 1T!!! TH3 K1770RZ, 1 $@W TH3M!!!!
You tell me, Chief.

 

by Haxx0r_K1ng
10-26-02
Wow, judging by your Works Cited page, and the sheer bulk of this paper, it's obvious that you put a lot of time into this assignment.
And_based_on_your_level of in class discourse on Søren Kierkegaard and his method of indirect communication, I'm certain that you have many insightful points to make on the subject.
But I'm afraid that "J00 W1LL PH33R MY 733T P1L0xx0phy!!!" is not an appropriate opening statment for a thesis paper. "F"
Fuxx0rz J00!!!!

 

by Haxx0r_K1ng
10-31-02
But Pr0fexx0r, why d0 j00 n0t l1ke my wr1t1ng sty7e?
I'm sorry, but not only is it bad enough to type in pedestrian lay terms when it comes to a scientific study, but to write in such an inane variety of slang to boot...
...it's just totally unacceptable. It gives off the impression to the reader that you're unintelligent. We don't just give a diploma to any idiot, you know.
Then exxpl@1n Ge0rge W. Bu$h.
Rich idiot. There's a difference.

 

by Haxx0r_K1ng
10-09-04
So, President Bush, would you like to make your closing statement?
Ab$0Lu+eLy, Ch@rL13.
A/\/\3R1CA, \/\/3 ha\/e b33n thru $0 much... R3C3xx10n, C0RP0RAT3 $candal, even W@R.
I see... And after all that, why in the world should we vote for you again?
B'cuz H@xx0r_K1ng 0wnz0rz j00!

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