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| Following the shooting of an unarmed Brazilian man by plain clothed policemen in London, the British government would like to apologise unreservedly to the people of Brazil. | |
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| While we're at it, we'd also like to apologise to the people of Argentina for the Falklands War (well, we did steal them from you in the first place!) | |
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| And to the people of India, the Boer peoples and anyone else we subjegated during our days of megalomaniacal Empire building. | |
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| We'd also like to apologise for English Soccer Hooligans, Bananarama, Scousers, Michael Winner, Pop Idol, Peter Beardsley's face, Big Brother and Prince Phillip... | |
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| ... the Dresden Bombings, Wham!, the Battle of Culloden, the Beckhams, the War of Independence, Margaret Thatcher, concentration camps, and Jordan. | |
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| We claim no responsibility for Mr Blobby or Timmy Mallett. | |
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