All comics by Jack_Grist

Profile

 

by Jack_Grist
7-06-07
In the Streets...
Excuse me Cop? Do you Know where i can Find ''Jimmy Codraz''?
Yes, but why? You Look quite Supiscious
Im his, err, erm, Hired Bunny for easter, err, Next Easter...
Well Ok, he lives down lirking Street. Take Care Now!
To be Continued...
Now ive Got Yer you son of a Bitch!
Bloodyhell mate, keep yer Hair on! What do you want?

 

by Jack_Grist
7-06-07
Part 2/2
Youv'e Been avoiding me for too Long. You will Regret the Day you never gave a Dollar to the Easter Bunny!
Come on Mate? I had no Spare Change on me! Plus, you held a Knife to me Head!
WHOOPS...
I dont Care, Your Dead!
This Guy aint Serious...
Never!
FUCK YOU! Heres a Lesson to all you Rich Guys, give a dollar, otherwise i will paying a visit to your Home!

 

by Jack_Grist
7-07-07
Robin Hood...
You Know its True... Everything I do, i do it for you...
Leave me Alone...
Why? I am Robin Hood, Steal for the Needy!
Really? I saw you Steal FROM the needy!
Nope... Shit

 

by Jack_Grist
7-07-07
Hey Dude, I would like to Apply for a Job. I hear you need a Secretary!
You have got to Be Kidding...
I can do many things, including Cutting my Wrist, Walking Dogs and Underpaying Prostitutes
GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY BOARD ROOM!

 

by Jack_Grist
7-07-07
Hey, I think i have a Problem...
Dont we all... I'll send you into the Doctors Office
Everytime i Pee, it goes upwards!
I can Easily Sort that out with a Little Surgery!
Well, That didnt go as Planned. But Look on the Bright side, He will never have to worry about getting Kicked in the Testicles!
Holy Shit you didnt...

 

by Jack_Grist
7-07-07
Hello. How come your so Dull?
Leave me Alone You Little Fucker. Otherwise i'll get my Dad!
Err... Hi... What the Hell is Wrong with your Son?
What the Fuck? Your Dead Kid!
Stupid Kid!

 

by Jack_Grist
7-08-07
So, I hear you Want a Job?
Yes Please, Anything to get me off the streets!

 

by Jack_Grist
7-08-07
So, I hear you want a Job?
Yes Please! Anything to get me off the Streets!
Anything? Ok, you will work here as the Janitor. You will get paid 60 Dollars Weekly. I will Show you your supervisor
Wow! Im Rich!
Heeelllllo, Nice to Meet you! NOW GIVE ME YOUR SCARF!
Fuck You

 

by Jack_Grist
7-08-07
Bathroom
Ahhh, you must be the New Janitor! Im Ben, Executive Manager here at Computco, Come this Way and i'll Show you Around. Watch out for the Mice on the floor here, but i bet your used to that!
Yeah, It Sucks.
Copyroom
Here is the Copy Room, Nothing More, Nothing Less. Some People here Copy Porn here so please Report anyone Breaking the Copy Room Rules.
Ok, err, When can i come here?
Cubicles
These are the Cubicles, If you Work Hard Enough you may even be in one of these Soon.
I need to Use one Right Now...

 

by Jack_Grist
7-08-07
Yes Gill What is it?
Well, err, Sir, you Know the new Guy, Hes Taken a Piss in one of the Computer Cubicles and on Emily, who was in the Cubicle too
Now, its your First Day so I'm not going to Punish you for what you Just Did. But use the God Damn Toilet Next time please?
Sorry Boss, there very confusing. I wont tell you what i did in the Printer. I mean? What the Gap for?
Hi, im Jimmy, the Cubicle Supervisor. Its good to Meet you. Ive heard alot of... Things... about you
Thanks, you may have heard i pissed on a Computer, by Accident.

 

by Jack_Grist
7-08-07
Ha, So I Heard that New Guy Pissed on you, thats Funny. I think he did that on Purpose!
Dont Be Nasty, ofcourse he didnt, he was just confused thats all... I'll go talk to him.
Hey, Dont Worry about, you Know, Peeing on me. Thats old News. My Name is Emily. I work as a Mailroom Clerk. It actually Sucks.
Thanks, you know, being on the streets for along time I swear did some damage to my Brain. My name is Will. Good to meet you.
Look out for the Next Episode
You Better Watch yourself in this Place. You may have one over a few people but you havent me. If your out of line once, your Gone! You Understand?
Ok you wierd Son of a Bitch.

 

by Jack_Grist
7-08-07
Hey, Dont let that Stupid Dick Melvin get the better of you, hes a dumb prick with no friends. Just Ignore Him.
I Know, im going for a Promotion, which is cool.
Good Morning Will. Hey, Due to your Good Work, im Giving you a Promotion. Your a Mailroom Clerk, youve Jumped two Spaces up the Line. And watch out for the Mail Rats. Their Little Shits!
Ok, Thanks,i'll do my Best Boss. And are the Mail Rats Big?
To be Coninued in the Next Episode!
Holy Shit
Hey Motherfucker! Drop Your Nightstick, your Phone and your,err, Tie. Yes, drop all of that!

 

JackX the Comedian: 8th July 2007
So, Last Night was the Global Warming Live Earth Concert at London and other places around the Globe. They Said its Good that the Weather was Warm!
by Jack_Grist, 7-08-07

 

by Jack_Grist
9-03-07
Continued from Last Episode...
Give me the Key to Computco Money Vault, and be quick about it Fatty!
Hey, i dont know nothing about this Company, I swear, I dont want no trouble!
Warren Saves the Day!
Get the fuck down and drop your gun before I shoot your Fucking Head off, Im calling the cops
Ok. I'll do what you say
Wow, your really Brave. I really did think he was going to shoot me, thank you so much! What part of the Building do you work?
Thanks. Its a good thing I keep my Gun in my Office. And im a Supervisor for the Computer Shipping Section. My Name is Warren by the way, Warren Press.

 

by Jack_Grist
9-03-07
Continued from Last Episode...
Warren I liked how you handled that Bastard Yesterday, I dont think he will be coming back here to soon, now hes been Arrested.
Thanks Sir its all in a Day's work, now, what about a Raise?
Err, hi Emily, I see that your Busy, but erm, I wanted to know if your Busy tonight thats all, and wanted to know if you wanted to go out?
Hmm, sure, let me just Finish of this Page. Naa who cares, the letter doesent need to have an address on it, i'll see you at Seven Tonight!
To be Continued...
So,I see that you were lucky Enough to get a Date Newbie! Better keep your Balls where your, err,Pants are... Anyway, shes mine, you better watch yourself! No Smuck like you will get the better of me!
Whatever. I see you Really have it in for me huh? Well, you wanna go against eachover, fine, but i am better than you, you Inconsiderate Dick, just watch me take you down. Or, something like that...

 

by Jack_Grist
9-03-07
Continued from Last Episode...
Wow, this is a Really nice Place youve Taken me, really peaceful. Its a bit more different from the Typical Resturant Idea I guess.
Thanks. On my Wages, i cant afford to take you somewhere expensive, though here is Totally Free, and you can enjoy the Peace.
I Totally agree with you. Having the Same Job and all, they dont pay us enough to stay alive! hahaha.
Ha, not really. Errr, your looking, Beautiful...
To be Continued...
So, err, hmm. Who cares, Wanna do it?
Yes Please!

 

Up in Heaven...
So, err, God, Tell me about yourself? Done anything Interesting Recently?
Letting that 18 Wheeler Run you over was one of the things iv'e done Recently.
by Jack_Grist, 9-04-07

 

by Jack_Grist
9-04-07
Doomsday.This Picture is Outside this Building Right now taken from a man which i think is somewhat Dead.Well Im Lucky Im in this Building. Lets Take a look outside. Our Reporter,Darren Blue Reporting
AHHHHHHHHHHH
Were you going to ask me something? Im ready for the Interview.

 

Newsday
So Brian have you Finished that Cival Rights Article I told you to do?
Erm, I must of been off sick when you told me to do that.
by Jack_Grist, 9-04-07

 

by Jack_Grist
9-04-07
We Want Respect! We Want Respect! We Want more Pay! We Want more Pay!
We Want Rights! We Want Rights! We Want more Male Workers!....
...We do? I'd Settle for more Pay so I Can pay My Prostitute Bill.

 

by Jack_Grist
9-04-07
These Last few Monthes have been the Happiest of my Life, and the Sex has been so Amazing. Lisa, Will you Marry me?
Hmm
Only If you Stop Lying to me.

 

by Jack_Grist
9-04-07
So Doctor, What Do you think about terry? Shall We keep him in Over the night and see how he goes?
There nice...
Im up here...
Oh Crap

 

by Jack_Grist
9-04-07
So, I think that the American Office is Good, but the English Series is by Far the Best.
You know, it wouldnt Kill you to Contribute to the Conversation. Im outta here...
...COME BACK!!!! I THINK THE OFFICE IS GOOD! COME BACK!

 

by Jack_Grist
9-04-07
Pop vs Heavy Metal.
Hey hey you you I dont like your Girlfriend!
Huh? You havent Even Met her.
Whats She Saying?
Dunno Something about Canada Maybe....
Ha, got off lucky on that one. Now wheres that other Girl, she's better looking than mine.

 

by Jack_Grist
9-04-07
So Roomie I am Just going out to get some Food in, I'll see you in 40 Minutes Tops.
Ok, be quick though, my Roast Pork needs its Vegetables!
GIMME SOME FOOD!!
ERR, Please dont Raise Your voice to me. My ears Cant take a Loud Bacon Shout!
To be Continued...
AHHHHH GIVE ME SOME FOOD!!!!
SECURITY!!!!!!! SECURITY!

 

by Jack_Grist
9-04-07
Part 2
Oh Shit
Sir, Can you Come with me Please?
In the Interview room...
So, Why was you Harrassing the Checkout Lady? And Raising your Voice?
All i wanted was some Food! And i wasent Raising my voice to her, i was just Shouting Violently and Arrogantly!
To be Continued...
I see, Im Taking you in so i can let you cool down, on a plate...
WHAAAAAAA

 

by Jack_Grist
9-04-07
Part 3
So, what you in for?
Same as you Proberly. Checkout Harrassing?
Yep
Sucks Doesent it? Hey, you look Really Familiar
To be Continued...
Well, Unless your a Slice of Bacon or made of Bacon then i proberly have never had any relations with you.
Physco...

 

by Jack_Grist
9-04-07
Part 4
Hey, Salty, Come out here a Minute we need to Talk to you.
Alrighty then.
Through that door is the Lady you Shout-Raped. If you can just say Sorry to her the Charges will be lifted. If you cant do this, then fear the worst.
I can Do that!
To be Continued...
So, Salty Bacon guy, do you have anything to say to me?
Yeah, FUCK YOU BITCH! YOU FUCKING WHORE!GO FUCK YOURSELF!

 

by Jack_Grist
9-04-07
Part 5
Well, I think i did quite Well. Can i go now?
Erm, no. You are being Sent to an Anger Clinic to sort out your Issues. You will be sent there now by some of our highly Trained Grabbers.
Hello, I am your Anger Tutor Dexter, who will Help you Retard your Anger level. You have been Sent here becoause your are a Threat to the Frying pan of Society, and its up to me to help yo...
...FRYING PAN?
To be Continued...
...Let me Finish. You will get to know other Nut cases...I mean Anger Students to help you. For now you will be learning with Mailman Tom.
This will be a Piece of Cake.

 

by Jack_Grist
9-04-07
Part 6
Are you Mailman Tom? Oh, Yeah, Right...
Take the Mail, please, just take the Goddamn Mail, Do it, Take the Mail, Oh my God just take the Mail. Ohhhhhh.
Whoa. You have some Issues. Well, Were going to be Working with eachover to help us 'Retard'' our anger.
Oh Fuck Oh Fuck Oh Fuck Oh Fuck Oh Fuck Oh Fuck. MAIL!!!! YOU FUCKING PRICK! TAKE THE MAIL NOW! YOU SON OF A BITCH! WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
To be Continued...
I'll Leave you alone I swear im just here becoause i Shouted at a Checkout Bitch just please i'll stay out of your Way!
I cant be Responsible for fact that your DVD of Friends Hasent Turned up yet, can I? CAN I?

 

by Jack_Grist
9-05-07
Part 7
Yeah you know Mailman Tom, I dont think its a good idea to have him as my ''Partner''. He Shouts at me.
Dont be Unthankful. Mailman Tom is one of our Best Students, he controls his anger Well.
You have got to be Kidding. Your are, arent you?
Nope, hes one of a Kind...
To be Continued...
NO! YOUR PORN HASENT ARRIVED YET MOTHERFUCKER!

 

by Jack_Grist
9-05-07
You know what? Your the best, you here me? Your the best! I hope you enjoyed that lemonade i made for you that was on the ground over there!
Oh my god I cant believe I Drank that...

 

You know what? Your the best, you here me? Your the best! I hope you enjoyed that lemonade i made for you that was on the ground over there!
Oh my god I cant Believe I drank that...
by Jack_Grist, 9-05-07

 

by Jack_Grist
9-05-07
Doctor, I'd really appreciate it if you stopped asking for money before you even diagnose the patients.
Hey, us doctors have to make a living, even if it means not curing people! Besides, whats the worst that can happen, these people no that their going to die.
Doctor Winesly, when do you think my legs will get better so i can walk again?
Well, if you go into surgery right now we can fix that problem so you can go home and play some good old American Football!
Im afraid that your son has no legs, i tried to cut them off and look inside them and maybe find the problem, but it didnt work. He's on that Table over there.
So when can I take him home?

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