All comics by JesusWasMyMother

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Bill, I'm leaving you. It's not like you did anything wrong, really... it's just that I like big, beefy men...
... and this is hard enough as it is, so don't make things worse by trying to get me back...
... or I'll eat your Goddamned brain.
I thought I told you to stay the hell away from me!

 

But I loved you... how could you just toss me aside... how...
It's over, Bill.
Ok... well I guess this is... this is it. I just have to move on. Good... goodbye Phillip...
Goodbye, Bill.
Damn he has a nice ass, though...

 

Move swiftly, little nail... end my suffering...
Bill! I've decided that I'll take you ba... Bill!? No... no Bill... you couldn't have died... say it ain't so!!! BILL!!! Wait a second here...
All's well that ends well I guess... unless it's goddamn sick like undead zombie on dead human sex...
...I'm dead and you are too... so... without any further delay... lets get it on!

 

As we enter the scene, our combatants are in the "exchanging of insults" phase.
Suck my cock, pigfucker!
I will get you, canman!
What kind of insult is "canman", you fuckin gay bitch?
I was homeschooled.

 

Hey, sexy, would you like some hot 5-year-old ass?
Excuse me, young lady, aren't you a bit small to be selling your body for money?
What, you don't wanna fuck me in every orifice?
Ummmm... no. Young lady, just WHO put you up to this?
To be continued...
My daddy. He says that if I don't earn enough money, he'll kill me and throw me in the dumpster behind our house. He lives at 172 Chestnut St.
Thats all I needed to know, miss. Thank you...... *psst* I'll see you later about those orifices...

 

This is the police! Open up before I get pissed and break the door!
What's the problem, officer?
You know what the problem is, you sick bastard. You're under arrest!
Haha, Santa we love you!
My pay?
Here you go. That'll teach the fucker not to talk about him being the true meaning of Christmas... that stupid bitch...

 

So then I fucked your mom and took a shit in her mouth.
I was kidding!

 

So how goes the probing?
Good, and you?
Great. My results show that about half of all humans actually LIKE being probed.
Yeah... the women don't like it very much, do they?

 

I randomly picked everything about this comic... let's see if I can turn it into a story...
I am Donkekemon! You're bitch ass best stay out of my forest habitat before I rain fiery destruction on you!
And why would you do that, kind sir?
Because if you don't I will magically transform us instead of using my fireball... like I just did. Now I have the clear advantage and can use super demon fireball attack!
BECAUSE IF YOU DON'T I WILL MAGICALLY TRANSFORM US INSTEAD OF USING MY FIREBALL... LIKE I JUST DID. NOW I HAVE THE CLEAR ADVANTAGE AND CAN USE SUPER DEMON FIREBALL ATTACK!
Goddammit........... loada shit
This is probably the worst comic ever made.
look! the mosters' fighting is causing a flood! we must run!

 

For this comic, we must assume that the two cute (and by cute I mean freakish and irritating) asian girls are space fighters. I fully realize that these are not good space fight noises.
Breem! Shoof! Pzow!
Brackachak! Sheezom!
Errrr.....
Tzeew! Poosh! Boyfreind penis too small! Breet! Breet! Shoof!
Pzow! Treewew!
Make that really, really terrible spaceship noises.
Tzeew! Tzeew! He should be black! Pow! Sheew! Direct hit!

 

Did you know, that it wasn't actually Pontias Pilate that had me condemned? No, it was cigarrette companies.
They also used guerrilla tactics to storm heaven and cast me into hell, while partying in heaven with Lucifer. Now only midgets and party chicks can get into heaven.
Truth.
I also hear that they are going to come to Earth and use their fallen angels to kill all your children.

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