All comics by Johnny_Lincoln

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by Johnny_Lincoln
11-11-03
Son. You look upset, is there something you want to talk about?
I've just seen mum spread eagle and naked in next door's garden, with Mr Jenkins eating her out!!! Then he flipped her over and did her in the ass.
Ooooh Miisteer Jennnkiinns!!!
Aaaarrgghh
Actually, it might have been Mrs Jenkins.
Bugger!!!

 

by Johnny_Lincoln
11-11-03
...it's quite simple. As you can see from the diagrams and charts, you nor I could fit into your small box. Therefore I win the bet!
!!!
I'll take the money now if you've got it.
The bet's not over, Miiissteer Hollllannd!!!
Mrs Holland I've brought your Husband home.
???

 

by Johnny_Lincoln
11-12-03
Neville is concerned about his homicidal tendancies, and so he's awaiting the delivery of a new toy to take his mind off them.....KNOCK, KNOCK.
Must not Kill, Must not Kill, Must...
Goddammit, where's the instuctions???
Maybe these parts are just spares, but I do seem to have an awful lot of them!!!
Behold the C9X Space/Time travelling machine...
Where should I go first?

 

by Johnny_Lincoln
11-12-03
Neville has travelled far into Earth's future...
My God, what has happened to everything?
Eh! Who are you?
I'm a horny little monkey, guess where I'm going to stick this banana?
You damn dirty ape!!!

 

by Johnny_Lincoln
11-12-03
Neville returns home from his travelling, when......KNOCK, KNOCK
Ooh, a visitor!
Hello Sir! Could you spare a moment so that I may talk to you about our Lord and Saviour?
I'm going to hate myself for this...
OH LORD HELP Meeaaaarrgghhhh!!!
A little more travelling might take my mind off what I've just done.

 

by Johnny_Lincoln
11-13-03
Ye Olde England...
HORSEY COME BACK!
Damn and Blast, I'll never make it in time to save the princess now.
Er, hello. I couldn't help overhearing you mentioning something about saving a princess. Could I be of help in anyway?
Mmmm. Maybe you could! Infact, you shall be my new horse!!!
Breathe slowly and be calm, just stay calm...

 

by Johnny_Lincoln
11-14-03
In the Dungeon of the Evil Lord Barry, Princess Clara contemplates her fate...
I hope that my bedroom will be better than this after Evil Lord Barry has married me. I really do not know why he keeps me here, I have told him I will not run away because I am happy to get married.
Good Morning my dear Princess Clara, today is your last day as a single lady, and then tomorrow you and the Kingdom shall be mine. Ha Ha Ha.
Ah Barry, good. I need to see the Dressmaker, the florist and the chef, I have a few alterations I have to discuss with them.
You do realise that your not supposed to want this to happen, it is a little odd the way that you are happy to go along with it all!!!
And do you realise that this is the sixth time that I have been abducted by some Evil Lord who wants to marry me so that they can rule the Kingdom? I want it to happen so that no-one tries it again!

 

by Johnny_Lincoln
11-14-03
Back in the countryside...
OK, you won't be my new horsey, but to get us across the country you have somesort of space-time thingy-majig???
For Hundreth time, Yes.
Splendid. Well we can't stand around here talking all day we've got a princess to save.
Good. Now show me on this map where the princess is being held.
Ah, I'm afraid I wasn't privvy to that information, I was leaving that all to horsey!
And I'm doing this to get away from my Homicidal tendancies!!!

 

by Johnny_Lincoln
11-14-03
At Neville's Space-Time Machine...
Ok, you dozy fuckwit, Evil Lord Barry of Birmingham is holding Princess Clara, so there is a fair chance if we go to Birmingham we'll find his castle!!!
I am in your capable hands, Squire Neville.
I'm feeling sick.
Good!
Birmingham...
I sense a certain amount of hostility from you.
You'll be sensing your head being ripped from your body if I don't start having some fun soon!!!

 

by Johnny_Lincoln
11-14-03
Evil Lord Barry visits his Mother...
Mum, are you sure there isn't another way I can rule the Kingdom, without having to get married?
It's the only way, my little Bazza. Get hitched to her, and then get her in the sack, screw her brains out and then in nine months I'll be a Grandma.
My main priorities do not include fathering an heir just yet, I'll have other important Kingdom stuff to do.
"Main priorities", your trying to weasel out of having sex with her. Your Queer aren't you?
NO!!!
Then prove it to me, by giving me Grandchildren.

 

by Johnny_Lincoln
11-14-03
Ok my good Squire Neville, how shall we go about finding the castle of the Evil Lord Barry?
I think it would be a good idea if you "fuck off" that way, and I'll go this way.
What a fantastic plan. I'll see you later.
Not if I see you first, twat!
Now that he's gone, I might be able to find some fun! Maybe start by saving that princess and seeing how "grateful" she is.

 

by Johnny_Lincoln
11-16-03
Hey Mutherfucker, I'm going to show you no respect at all, you fuckwit, because you can't do diddly squat about it!!!
True.
I'm going to make your life a misery, bitch, and I'll get away with it!!!
True, however...
Aaaarrgghhh.
...your not the first little cunt who has pissed me off, and it has to stop somewhere!!!

 

by Johnny_Lincoln
11-16-03
A message from Santa...
Ho Ho Ho Ho, Merry Christmas to you all.
Hello Santa, what's the date?
It's November the 16th!
Keep Christmas in December.

 

by Johnny_Lincoln
11-16-03
Hehehe. Dickface, fuckwit, blow job, hehehe, I've farted...
Hehehe, it's cool being a kid, you can really piss adults off and they can't do a thing, hehehe...
Nice grouping.
Thanks.

 

by Johnny_Lincoln
11-16-03
Before embarking on a career as a serial killer think carefully about what you want to acheive...
...If you need to, listen to the advice of your peers.
Choose your weapon, not only should it be comfortable and practical to use...
... it should also inspire you.
Do not discount anything as a murder weapon. I'm currently going through a phase of nailing my victims up and watching them slowly bleed to death. Think of your own strange ways of killing.
The most important thing you must practice, is to look innocent. This way nobody will suspect you and you can carry on your career.

 

by Johnny_Lincoln
11-17-03
Josh and Neville are discussing important matters...
What do you look for in a woman? Nice Titties? Sexy Ass? Long Legs?
I probably have to say that I look for a good heart.
So your a deeper sort of guy, who can look past the skin?
No, It's a revenge thing! I like to tear out women's hearts and rip them apart, just like so many women have done to me over the years.
..err!!!..
Oh. And I also love clean shaved pussy!

 

by Johnny_Lincoln
11-17-03
Welcome to homes of the Criminally Insane...
Neville talk to us about this mounted head, I believe your very proud of it as it's a work in progress?
...heelp mee...
Yes. As you can see he is still alive. The rest of his body is on the other side of the wall, in a torture chamber...
...pleease...heelp...
... I spend hours torturing him to within an inch of his life, and I capture it all on video. Once he's recovered a little, I play the video back for him to watch.
Wow, you truely are an artist.

 

by Johnny_Lincoln
11-17-03
Neville's out a hunting...
Shhhh!!! I'm hunting Octopuses, but not for their tasty flesh, I'm after something much better. Shhhhh, here's one now...
BOO!!!
Eeeekk!!!
... and that's how I get free ink, which is great for producing comics, or writing ransom notes!!!

 

by Johnny_Lincoln
11-18-03
God, are you there?
Go away kid, I'm resting, I've had a rough day.
But I have a very important question I need to ask of you.
Alright, what is it?
Last night I took a guy in my mouth and at the same time another guy up my ass. Am I still classed as a virgin?
Usually you would be, but remember I see all, and I saw the third guy!!!

 

by Johnny_Lincoln
11-18-03
God, are you there?
Go away kid, I'm resting, I've had a rough day.
But I have a very important question I need to ask of you.
Alright, what is it?
Does your shit smell?
Eerrr... Let me get back to you with the answer in about ten minutes.

 

by Johnny_Lincoln
11-18-03
God, are you there?
Go away kid, I'm resting, I've had a rough day.
But I have a very important question I need to ask of you.
Alright, what is it?
If I said you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?
If I had one!!!

 

by Johnny_Lincoln
11-18-03
Sir Hugh is searching for Evil Lord Barry's castle...
Excuse me, I'm looking for Evil Lord Barry's castle, I'm going to save the princess.
...whadayasay... yerabassstard.... Ifightyernow...
Excuse me, I'm looking for Evil Lord Barry's castle, I'm going to save the princess.
Are you really, well isn't that lucky for you, I work there! I'll escort you there myself.
Splendid
Yes, isn't it!!!

 

by Johnny_Lincoln
11-18-03
Neville is looking for Evil Lord Barry's castle...
...whayerlookinat...
I'm not looking at anything, I'm actually looking for Evil Lord Barry's castle, and if you don't tell me I'll shove that bottle up your ass.
Ooohh, aren't you a grumpy bugger, I was just having a bit of a laugh with you.
Bottle... Ass!!!
OK, OK. It's that big building on top of that hill over there. You can't miss it.
Oh yeah, the castle looking building, thanks for that.

 

by Johnny_Lincoln
11-21-03
So what would you like for Christmas, little boy?
A belt sander!
What would you like for Christmas, little girl?
Matches
Snerg mackle throm durnsliddly, jrag?
mmmm... threg ame ghrom thel...hehehe!

 

by Johnny_Lincoln
11-21-03
So what would you like for Christmas, little boy?
A belt sander!
What would you like for Christmas, little girl?
Matches
Goddammit, nobody has asked me for one of these stupid inflatable aliens, I'm never going to get rid of them!

 

by Johnny_Lincoln
11-21-03
So what would you like for Christmas, little boy?
A belt sander!
What would you like for Christmas, little girl?
Matches
What would you like for Christmas, strange alien being?
The surrender of your puny planet!

 

by Johnny_Lincoln
11-21-03
So what would you like for Christmas, little boy?
A belt sander!
What would you like for Christmas, little girl?
Matches
I've told you before, "Keep Christmas in December!!!"

 

by Johnny_Lincoln
11-21-03
So what would you like for Christmas, little boy?
A belt sander!
What would you like for Christmas, little girl?
Matches
It's no fun anymore, not since the mall put a stop to the kids sitting on my lap. Oh well, back to the inflatable alien for my sexual pleasure!

 

by Johnny_Lincoln
11-21-03
Some snowy wasteland, hundreds of miles from anywhere...
Mmmmmm...
...mmmmm...
No, I can't guess, give me a clue, who are you going to eat?

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