All comics by MagFlare

Profile

 

by MagFlare
9-25-01
Deep in the bowels of a subterranean laboratory...
Hello, there. I am a young and adorable member of an ethnic minority, and want only your love.
Ha! Not for long! I will rebuild you-- make you stronger... faster... better than before!
Great Vishnu, Doctor! What have you done to me?
Foolish ethnic minority! I advise patience!
Please... k-kill mee...
Okay!

 

by MagFlare
9-26-01
Hi! I'm John Romero, and this is Stevie Case. We're here to announce that one of the most anticipated games ever-- Daikatana 2-- is currently in development!
That's right, John! And since we wish to avoid the sort of rioting, looting, and mass hysteria that marked Daikatana's release date, each box will contain a signed photo of my boobies!
Look! Up on stage! It's the bastards responsible for unleashing Daikatana upon an innocent Earth!
Vengeance is at hand! Let's get them!
And so a terrible crisis is averted. But at what cost? AT WHAT COST?

 

by MagFlare
9-26-01
Fuck.

 

by MagFlare
9-26-01
Ha ha! Fools! I am the English Lit student of doom! None can withstand my fury!
not so fast I am teh SUPAR JEFF K defendar of teh UNAVARSE!!!!$p
Jeff K... my old nemesis! Surely you don't believe your skills are any match for mine?
WEL'L SEE ABOUT TAHT mistar smartey man!^ right now i haev half a mind too give yuo a FISTFULL OF FACE!!{ SO EAT RIGHTEOUSNESS VILLAN!!!!!!!!1
Later...
Egads... Once again I have fallen to the hands of Jeff K. You are truly a worthy opponent.
SHUT UP FAGOT

 

by MagFlare
9-26-01
Well, this is a real pisser.
What is? That we, the two most powerful entities in the universe, have been marginalized by an increasingly rational naturalistic philosophy?
That the eternal war between good and evil is no longer seen as a metaphor for human existence, but is believed to be trite and hackneyed, suitable only for the plot of a Saturday morning cartoon?
No, that I'm nailed to a fucking cross, asshole. What the fuck are you babbling about?
Oh. Sorry.

 

by MagFlare
9-26-01
Reknowned astrophysicist and superhero Stephen Hawking is trapped in the dungeons of the evil Glotor!
Hmm. Glotor pulled no stops when designing this prison-- each path leads to certain doom! Only a cyborg with the brain of a Nobel Prize winner could unravel his web of lies!
The incredible Professor of Pain begins to concentrate... for if he intends to harness the power of quantum physics to escape this deathtrap, he'll need every ounce of strength he can muster!
Must... control... particle-antiparticle pairs... I've only got one chance at this! Reinforced exoskeleton, don't let me down!
Sweet freedom! Mighty Stephen Hawking prepares to tackle his next challenge...
Now... to destroy Glotor once and for all!

 

by MagFlare
9-26-01
One dark night at ION Storm...
HELLO. I COME FOR THE ONE THEY CALL... WARREN SPECTOR.
AGH! Please don't kill me, Mister Death. I promise I'll...
DID YOU NOT HEAR ME, BRIEF MORTAL? I BRING SWEET RELEASE TO THE ONE COMPETENT EMPLOYEE HERE. I HAVE NOT COME FOR YOU.
In that case, let me take you to his office. Say, do you want in on the Daikatana 2 beta test? I'm sure I could dig you up a copy.
...WHILE IT IS AGAINST THE RULES FOR ME TO PASS JUDGEMENT UPON YOU, I HAVE A SUDDEN URGE TO BUST YOU UP OLD-SCHOOL.
Do you have any opinions on the subject of frogs? Me, I can't get enough of 'em.

 

by MagFlare
9-26-01
Death visits ION Storm to take the life of their sole competent employee...
Warren Spector is right through this door, Mister Death. Try not to be too messy-- I'm getting a new bargeload of employees next week, and I'd like the place to be tidy when they arrive.
WHATEVER. JUST LET ME DO MY JOB, BITCH.
I HAVE COME FOR YOU, WARREN SPECTOR.
No! Not yet! There's so much left to be done!
LOVELY SENTIMENT, BUT TAKE IT FROM ME, WARREN-- I'M AN ETERNAL BEING WITH NIGH-LIMITLESS POWER, AND -I- WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO DRAG ION STORM'S REPUTATION OUT OF THE MUD.
I haven't even gotten around to teaching Paul Steed about girls!

 

by MagFlare
9-26-01
Warren Spector offers Death a job at ION Storm...
Wait... Death, our entire art department quit in disgust yesterday, and we're looking for new hires. Would you like a position?
SURE. WHY NOT?
I HAVE NO PRIOR EXPERIENCE IN ART, BUT I MAY AS WELL GIVE THIS A SHOT. I'LL JUST STICK WITH WHAT I KNOW.
Later...
Skulls, rivers of blood, and mutilated corpses... we didn't just hire another former id employee, did we?
Don't worry, John. I'm sure that he can be trained to draw frogs as well.

 

by MagFlare
9-26-01
Whelp, Ah reckon Ah'm the last of the cowboys in these here parts. We're a dyin' breed.
Mebbe it all started when the farmers started puttin' up barbed wire. All Ah know is that there ain't no cowpokes round here no more-- it's like they up and...
[Central command, last of cowboys has just been vaporized. Now returning for debriefing.]

 

by MagFlare
9-26-01
Horrible monster parade through center of town in brazen fashion!! Leaving destruction in wake!!
RAWWRR!
Only one person find capability to defend our goodness!!
Monster attack!! Must use powers of justice for defeating adversaries with powerful might!!
Pretty Battle Monster Hunter comes to rescue, eliminating opposition with force of charm!!
Blazing Charge!! Now we shall determine victorious, horrible monster!!
Superior fighting is hers!! Fleeing is tactic of choice to me!!

 

by MagFlare
9-26-01
You spiked my coffee with LSD again, didn't you, Bob?
Who, me?

 

by MagFlare
9-26-01
Yo yo yo. What up, motherfucker?
Sheee-it, double D. I beat that mutha like a bus full of ninjas. Damn.
We interrupt this presentation of "Undead in the Ghetto" for a special announcement.
Cut back on the Reddi-Wip, tubby. You're beginning to look like the second half of Marlon Brando's career.
We now return you to "Undead in the Ghetto."
Zoiks! I sure hope there aren't any z-z-zombies in these abandoned low-rent housing projects!
Braaains, motherfucker.

 

by MagFlare
9-26-01
According to Stephen Hawking, we will never learn the secret to time travel; if this discovery were ever made, we'd see tourists from the future living among us.
This got me thinking. Maybe they do live among us-- the trick lies in spotting them.
Such futuristic tourists would have anachronistic technology, and their knowledge of history-- our future-- would allow them to predict new trends in entertainment.
Thousands of years of divergent evolution would likely favor intelligence over height. These factors point to only one possible conclusion...
The Japanese are from the future.
You have exposed our secret, primitive human. Prepare for immolation. Er, I mean-- I like Pokemon!

 

by MagFlare
9-27-01
[So he says to me, he says: "Mohammed, the other day I saw you beating a lady for speaking out of turn. Who was she?]
[I tells him, "That was no lady-- that was my wife!"]
Stand up comedy in the Taliban.
[You've been a great audience! Be sure to tip your servers!]

 

by MagFlare
9-27-01
Inside the Black Guzzler's orbiting Space Fortress of Death...
Ha ha ha! All my diabolicial plans are falling into place! Soon, the Earth will...
Halt, evildoer!
Your twisted schemes have come to an end, villain! Here-- have these fruit pies! You'll no doubt want to comment on the light, flaky crust and real fruit filling.
Er. Thank you. Thank you very much. I'll just go put these in the break room, shall I?
Back at the Justice Association's headquarters...
Honestly, I don't know. Something evil and twisted, obviously. But don't worry about it-- I took care of the problem.
You fed him and left, didn't you? God dammit.

 

by MagFlare
9-28-01
Upon returning from vacation...
Good afternoon. You must be the rightful owner of this house. I am the elderly squatter who has taken up residence within your domicile while you were away. Note my horrible odor and lack of a shirt.
...but...
You're welcome to stay with us if you like. Oh, just make sure you avoid the basement-- thirty or so hobos live down there now. And some of them are quite territorial.
...uh...
Heh. Lookit 'im run.
Sir! Tarry a moment, please! We're about to cook and eat your cat-- would you like to join us?

 

by MagFlare
10-01-01
Hi. I'm the Elder God Cthulhu. I was wondering if there's...
Glaah! Descending... into madness! Non-Euclidean geometry! The eye-- oh, god, the three-lobed eye!
...sigh. Pardon me, but do you know if...
Cyclopean ruins! The charnel stench of eldritch tombs! Brain... shorting out! Ergh... ugh...
It's tough to find a decent family restaurant when your mere presence drives mortals insane.
Yaaaagh! Amorphous monstrosities! Shambling corpses given life through black, forbidden rituals! Must... yaaaagh!

 

by MagFlare
10-03-01
Aiee! It's a horrible walking skeleton!
Run away, everyone, lest the horrible, walking, *unlovable* skeleton rend us with his bony claws of doom!
*Sniffle*

 

by MagFlare
11-05-01
Hello, there. I'm an innocent, virginal, Japanese schoolgirl who happens to be wearing her junior high uniform in a comic strip created by a suspected otaku pervert.
Ahem. I said: I'm an innocent, virginal, Japanese schoolgirl. In her school uniform, for Christ's sake.
Jesus. Took you long enough.
I'm sorry. Look, I got held up in traffic.

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