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The Suicide File (1)
by
Matchbook_Romance
3-15-04
Hello, you have reached The Suicide File Hotline, how are you going to die today?
I can't stand this anymore, I'm under weight and I can't gain any pounds!
Err... why don't you try and eat something?
Eww! I hate food! I can't stand it! Everything makes me want to puke! One grain of rice will give me the runs for weeks!
May I suggest...
Wait, wait... I got the pizza man on the other line.
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Matchbook_Romance's Comics
07/02/15 - Zero to Sixty to About Thirty
05/28/15 - Must Be A Thing
05/13/15 - A Mortal Strike
05/12/15 - Hate Me or Just Like Me
12/15/14 - One For Another
12/04/14 - Been a Week
01/02/11 - Checklist
12/11/06 - Camel Toe
12/11/06 - Come And Meet My Best Friend
12/10/06 - Just Picture Us
10/18/06 - Good Lookin' Out Ma!
09/28/06 - Apply Yourself
09/27/06 - The Most Hetero Song I Know
05/31/06 - Try, I must
02/09/06 - I AM NOT STRIPGUEST234
02/06/06 - Whoops, I'm Supposed To Be Away!
10/01/05 - If The Shoe Fits
09/27/05 - Oh, The Womenz
09/06/05 - You Might Understand
08/21/05 - Say Ny Mame
07/07/05 - His Other Job
06/22/05 - This Boring Saga
06/15/05 - The Bagel Strikes Back
04/28/05 - 6) AYA?
03/24/05 - 5) AYA?
03/20/05 - 4) AYA?
03/18/05 - 3) AYA?
03/18/05 - 2) AYA?
03/18/05 - 1) AYA? (400th Comic)
02/14/05 - In Reference To...
02/07/05 - When Was Last Night?
02/06/05 - The Super... What?
01/16/05 - Bee, Flower
01/03/05 - Father, Farther
12/24/04 - My Girlfriend Hates Hot Dogs
12/24/04 - Christmas Eve: 5:45PM
12/24/04 - This Has Something To Do With Christmas
12/08/04 - My Last Licks- 5
12/04/04 - My Last Licks- 4
11/29/04 - My Last Licks- 3
11/28/04 - My Last Licks- 2
11/28/04 - My Last Licks- 1
11/25/04 - My Second Thanksgiving Here
10/31/04 - I Have Balls
10/24/04 - Who Says So?
09/26/04 - Solid and Plaid
09/17/04 - CC258: A Pirate's Life For Me
08/14/04 - Bagel Outtakes (2D)
08/14/04 - Bagel Outtakes (1D)
08/11/04 - Bagel Outtakes (2C)
08/11/04 - Bagel Outtakes (1C)
07/26/04 - Bagel Outtakes (2B)
07/26/04 - Bagel Outtakes (1B)
07/25/04 - Bagel Outtakes (2A)
07/25/04 - Bagel Outtakes (1A)
07/15/04 - Finger Counting
07/11/04 - Phonophobia
07/05/04 - Visionary
06/17/04 - Great Prices At Great Clips! (You Did It Too)
06/15/04 - Bagel Tales-10 (Huzzah For San Diego)
06/10/04 - Bagel Tales-9 (Atkin's Diet Approved)
06/06/04 - Bagel Tales-8 (Internationally Known)
06/03/04 - Bagel Tales-7 (We Don't Sell Hot Dogs)
06/02/04 - Bagel Tales-6 (Cold As Ice)
06/02/04 - Bagel Tales-5 (Butter Me Up)
05/28/04 - Bagel Tales-4 (The Water Is Poison)
05/25/04 - Did I Do This Right?
05/25/04 - Bagel Tales-3 (A Clean Sweep)
05/23/04 - Bagel Tales-2 (See The Difference)
05/23/04 - Bagel Tales-1 (New Beginnings)
05/19/04 - Multiple Choice
05/17/04 - I Live Right By One
05/11/04 - Your Locket Is Still In My Room (My Side 5)
05/11/04 - Your Locket Is Still In My Room (My Side 4)
05/11/04 - Your Locket Is Still In My Room (My Side 3)
05/11/04 - Your Locket Is Still In My Room (My Side 2)
05/11/04 - Your Locket Is Still In My Room (My Side 1)
05/10/04 - I Swear I'm Filipino
05/04/04 - Blind Date (350th Comic)
05/03/04 - Request For Backup
04/30/04 - Monkey Around
04/25/04 - It's Been Awhile Eh?
04/22/04 - The Same Mistake
04/19/04 - My Friends, Everyone
04/17/04 - HEY, I Have Feelings Too!
04/15/04 - My Teacher, Everyone
04/14/04 - My Peers Judge Me (6)
04/14/04 - My Peers Judge Me (5)
04/14/04 - My Peers Judge Me (4)
04/14/04 - My Peers Judge Me (3)
04/14/04 - My Peers Judge Me (2)
04/14/04 - My Peers Judge Me (1)
04/13/04 - I Played Golf Yesterday
04/13/04 - Escape Artist
04/13/04 - Watching The Creek
04/01/04 - The Greatest April Fool's Comic
03/30/04 - CC238: Boinked Boinky?
03/28/04 - Dcomposed And I (2)
03/25/04 - Dcomposed And I (1)
03/22/04 - The Suicide File (5, CC237)
03/20/04 - The Suicide File (4)
03/17/04 - The Suicide File (3)
03/15/04 - The Suicide File (2)
03/15/04 - The Suicide File (1)
03/12/04 - For mmyers
03/10/04 - PLOP!
03/08/04 - Was It Good For You?
03/06/04 - Tommorrow We'll Do It Again
03/04/04 - Bribe To Be
03/03/04 - Wall-Full
03/01/04 - Rubbing-It-In Alcohol
02/27/04 - I Love Ya Beaz
02/26/04 - Sunday, Sunday, SUNDAY!
02/25/04 - Rack Em' Up
02/24/04 - Genetic Engineer
02/21/04 - Hash Brown
02/20/04 - Annunciate Before You Ejaculate
02/18/04 - CC233: I Dream Of Matchy
02/18/04 - I Happen To Love Your Car
02/15/04 - Sport Fan
02/14/04 - My Bloody Valentine (8)
02/12/04 - My Bloody Valentine (7)
02/09/04 - My Bloody Valentine (6)
02/08/04 - My Bloody Valentine (5)
02/06/04 - My Bloody Valentine (4)
02/06/04 - My Bloody Valentine (3)
02/05/04 - My Bloody Valentine (2)
02/05/04 - My Bloody Valentine (1)
02/04/04 - 300th Comic Romance
02/02/04 - You're A Dork!
01/30/04 - He Shoots, He Scores
01/27/04 - Reversal
01/27/04 - Giving Up
01/25/04 - Literally
01/24/04 - Work Space
01/23/04 - Feast Like Kings
01/22/04 - An "F" For Effort
01/22/04 - Did It Again
01/21/04 - Puberty
01/20/04 - Truth Be Told
01/19/04 - Habitual
01/18/04 - You're A Phone Whore!
01/18/04 - For The little_kitty
01/17/04 - You're A Something That Is Sorry!
01/17/04 - You're A Punk!
01/17/04 - You're A Porn Star!
01/17/04 - You're A Cancer!
01/15/04 - Sealed
01/15/04 - Two Way
01/14/04 - Information Commercial
01/14/04 - Blunt
01/13/04 - Ol' Faithful
01/13/04 - Enhanced
01/12/04 - I Remember...
01/11/04 - Substance Abuse
01/11/04 - This Is Your Life
01/09/04 - Job Hunter (5)
01/08/04 - Job Hunter (4)
01/06/04 - Job Hunter (3)
01/05/04 - Job Hunter (2)
01/04/04 - Job Hunter (1)
01/02/04 - 19
01/02/04 - CC 227: Jacko Confessional
01/02/04 - CC 227: How My Ex Looks When I'm Not Drunk
01/02/04 - CC 227: Job Options
01/02/04 - CC 227: Where Whales Ejaculate
01/02/04 - CC 227: Gabe Has Lunch
01/02/04 - CC 227: Pussy Fart
01/02/04 - CC 227: Matchbook_Romance's Friend List
01/02/04 - CC 227: Boinky Out Of The Bathroom
01/02/04 - CC 227: Sandwich
01/02/04 - CC 227: Midget Comedian
01/01/04 - A New Year
12/31/03 - Apologize
12/30/03 - Anti (2)
12/30/03 - Anti (1)
12/28/03 - Brown Guy
12/28/03 - Black Guy
12/28/03 - White Guy (250th Comic)
12/28/03 - Take Charge (DJ Bargaintuan Cut)
12/27/03 - Take Charge
12/26/03 - About California Drivers
12/25/03 - Under The Tree
12/24/03 - Holiday Cheer
12/23/03 - Dream To Make Believe
12/23/03 - Dry Humor
12/22/03 - Birthday Blues (15, Alternate Ending)
12/22/03 - Birthday Blues (14)
12/22/03 - Birthday Blues (13)
12/22/03 - Birthday Blues (12)
12/21/03 - Birthday Blues (11)
12/19/03 - Birthday Blues (10)
12/18/03 - Birthday Blues (9)
12/18/03 - Birthday Blues (8)
12/18/03 - Birthday Blues (7)
12/17/03 - Birthday Blues (6)
12/17/03 - Birthday Blues (5)
12/17/03 - Birthday Blues (4)
12/17/03 - Birthday Blues (3)
12/17/03 - Birthday Blues (2)
12/17/03 - Birthday Blues (1)
12/16/03 - Why I Hate My Parents (10)
12/16/03 - Why I Hate My Parents (9)
12/16/03 - Why I Hate My Parents (8)
12/15/03 - Why I Hate My Parents (7)
12/14/03 - Why I Hate My Parents (6)
12/13/03 - Why I Hate My Parents (5, for ivytheplant)
12/13/03 - Why I Hate My Parents (4)
12/13/03 - Why I Hate My Parents (3)
12/13/03 - Why I Hate My Parents (2)
12/13/03 - Why I Hate My Parents
12/13/03 - CC224: Dis is like dat one moovie 'Twins' (4)
12/11/03 - CC224: Dis is like dat moovie 'Twins'!!! (2)
12/11/03 - Christmas Variation (10)
12/11/03 - Christmas Variation (9)
12/10/03 - Christmas Variation (8)
12/10/03 - Christmas Variation (7)
12/10/03 - Christmas Variation (6)
12/10/03 - Christmas Variation (5)
12/10/03 - Christmas Variation (4)
12/10/03 - Christmas Variation (3)
12/10/03 - Christmas Variation (2)
12/09/03 - Christmas Variation (1)
12/09/03 - Run That By Me Again
12/09/03 - The Ears Have It
12/08/03 - Life Gets Demanding
12/07/03 - What In God's Name
12/06/03 - The Writing Is On The Wall
12/06/03 - A Quiet Reflection (200th Comic)
12/04/03 - Well, I Thought...
12/04/03 - Why I Like dcomposed
12/03/03 - Snow In San Diego
12/03/03 - Maybe Next Time!
12/02/03 - Your Father Loves You
12/01/03 - You Know You Love Me
12/01/03 - Never End On a Bad Note
11/30/03 - Dearest Friend
11/30/03 - For Dummies
11/29/03 - You Were There In Spirit
11/29/03 - For AccentuateNegative
11/27/03 - ThanksGIVING (For boinky33)
11/26/03 - FTC #11: A Very, Very, Santa Story
11/26/03 - A Warm One (Happy Thanksgiving)
11/25/03 - Art With Heart
11/25/03 - Playing For The Other Team
11/23/03 - MJ Revealed
11/23/03 - The Obvious
11/22/03 - That Damn Friday
11/22/03 - No Word Theater #20 (#10 With Words And Conclusion)
11/22/03 - No Word Theater #19 (#9 With Words)
11/22/03 - No Word Theater #18 (#8 With Words)
11/22/03 - No Word Theater #17 (#7 With Words)
11/22/03 - No Word Theater #16 (#6 With Words)
11/22/03 - No Word Theater #15 (#5 With Words)
11/22/03 - No Word Theater #14 (#4 With Words)
11/22/03 - No Word Theater #13 (#3 With Words)
11/22/03 - No Word Theater #12 (#2 With Words)
11/22/03 - No Word Theater #11 (#1 With Words)
11/22/03 - No Word Theater #10
11/22/03 - No Word Theater #9
11/22/03 - No Word Theater #8
11/22/03 - No Word Theater #7
11/22/03 - No Word Theater #6
11/21/03 - No Word Theater #5
11/21/03 - No Word Theater #4
11/21/03 - No Word Theater #3
11/21/03 - No Word Theater #2
11/21/03 - No Word Theater #1
11/20/03 - Spamburger
11/20/03 - UMFUMDAILY (11/20/03)
11/18/03 - The Failed Essay Plan
11/17/03 - What School Learned Me: Period #10 (Conclusion)
11/17/03 - What School Learned Me: Period #9
11/17/03 - What School Learned Me: Period #8
11/17/03 - What School Learned Me: Period #7
11/17/03 - What School Learned Me: Period #6
11/17/03 - What School Learned Me: Period #5
11/17/03 - What School Learned Me: Period #4
11/17/03 - What School Learned Me: Period #3 (150th Comic)
11/17/03 - What School Learned Me: Period #2
11/17/03 - What School Learned Me: Period #1
11/16/03 - FTC #9: God's Gift To Women
11/16/03 - FTC #9: Just Ask God
11/16/03 - FTC #9: Identity Crisis
11/15/03 - It Starts And Ends Here
11/14/03 - A Very Christian Game
11/14/03 - Drug Addiction, The Family Affair
11/13/03 - Kind Of Like Superman
11/12/03 - FTC #8: Our Relative Relatives
11/12/03 - Emocracy: Song #10 (Tearjerker)
11/12/03 - Emocracy: Song #9 (Violence Is The Answer)
11/11/03 - Emocracy: Song #8 (Lead On And Let Down)
11/11/03 - Emocracy: Song #7 (Call Waiting)
11/11/03 - Emocracy: Song #6 (Over-Zealous Jealous)
11/11/03 - Emocracy: Song #5 (The Name Game)
11/11/03 - Emocracy: Song #4 (Dance Fever)
11/11/03 - Emocracy: Song #3 (Heart Warming)
11/11/03 - Emocracy: Song #2 (Break Free)
11/11/03 - Emocracy: Song #1 (Intro)
11/10/03 - UMFUMDAILY #2 (11-11-03)
11/10/03 - UMFUMDAILY (11-11-03)
11/10/03 - The Nutrient Neglect
11/10/03 - The Hopeful Un-Romantic: Session #21
11/09/03 - Friday Night Flashback (Inside Joke)
11/08/03 - CC219: It's Quite Alright
11/08/03 - How My Yesterday's Friday Went (Really)
11/07/03 - The Love I have For My Friends
11/06/03 - The Hopeful Un-Romantic: Session #20
11/05/03 - The Hopeful Un-Romantic: Session #19
11/04/03 - The Hopeful Un-Romantic: Session #18
11/02/03 - The Hopeful Un-Romantic: Session #17
11/01/03 - Post-Halloween Report
11/01/03 - On My Halloween...
10/31/03 - Add-A-Panel: Strip 9, Panel 3
10/30/03 - Sex, Booze, Fire, And School
10/29/03 - Add-A-Panel: Strip 8, Panel 2
10/29/03 - The Hopeful Un-Romantic: Session #16
10/29/03 - FTC#6: In Need Of Support
10/28/03 - Target: Planet Earth #11 (Conclusion)
10/28/03 - Add-A-Panel: Strip 6, Panel 3
10/27/03 - And The Horsemen Shall Come...
10/26/03 - Add-A-Panel: Strip 4, Panel 2
10/25/03 - Add-A-Panel: Strip 1, Panel 3
10/25/03 - The Hopeful Un-Romantic: Session #15
10/23/03 - FTC #V: Under The Sea, Under The Sea...
10/23/03 - FTC #V: POOr McDonalds
10/22/03 - The Hopeful Un-Romantic: Session #14
10/20/03 - The Hopeful Un-Romantic: Session #13 (FABLED RETURN)
10/19/03 - 100th Comic SMASH!
10/19/03 - FTC #4: The Doctor Is In
10/17/03 - FTC #4: Sharing Is Daring
10/17/03 - CC216: Oh, That One Game
10/15/03 - Target: Planet Earth #11 (Special Edition, CC216)
10/15/03 - CC216: Kiwis R Us
10/15/03 - Target: Planet Earth #10
10/15/03 - Target: Planet Earth #9
10/14/03 - Target: Planet Earth #8
10/13/03 - Barely Legal
10/12/03 - CC215: Iraqi Days And Nights
10/12/03 - CC215: A Rapist Wit
10/12/03 - Target: Planet Earth #7
10/10/03 - Target: Planet Earth #6
10/10/03 - Considered It Captioned!!!
10/10/03 - Target: Planet Earth #5
10/09/03 - Target: Planet Earth #4
10/09/03 - Target: Planet Earth #3
10/08/03 - Target: Planet Earth #2
10/08/03 - Target: Planet Earth #1
10/07/03 - Score One For The Terminator
10/07/03 - The Hopeful Un-Romantic: Session #12
10/06/03 - CC214: Walk The Plank
10/05/03 - CC2124: Jesus Loves All The Little Kitties
10/05/03 - Real Life Situation, Well Almost
10/05/03 - Don't Hold Your Breath
10/04/03 - The Green Destiny
10/04/03 - This Just In, You Suck
10/04/03 - The Hopeful Un-Romantic: Session #11
10/02/03 - Ask Him To Do A Card Trick
10/02/03 - The Hopeful Un-Romantic: Session #10
10/02/03 - Didn't I Ever Tell You Not To Stare?
10/01/03 - The Hopeful Un-Romantic: Session #9
10/01/03 - CC213: When You Need Absinth The Most
09/29/03 - YAHOO For Yahoo
09/29/03 - With Love From Your Father
09/29/03 - The Hopeful Un-Romantic: Session #8
09/28/03 - Wishing You Were In The Back Of The Line
09/28/03 - A Little Too Late
09/28/03 - The Hopeful Un-Romantic: Session #7
09/28/03 - Pigs Can Be Your Friend Too
09/27/03 - Stay Home And Enjoy Your Mother's Chicken Pot Pie
09/27/03 - The Hopeful Un-Romantic: Session #6
09/26/03 - Nike Has Nothing On This
09/25/03 - The Hopeful Un-Romantic: Session #5
09/25/03 - Questions That Lead To More Questions
09/23/03 - Do You Really Get Off Chopping Up A Bumble Bee?
09/23/03 - CC212: Cocaine With Clango
09/23/03 - CC212: Tard Boy and Finkelman
09/23/03 - The Hopeful Un-Romantic: Session #4
09/22/03 - 50th Comic SMASH!
09/22/03 - THe Hopeful Un-Romantic: Session #3
09/21/03 - Ode To TELEPHONE_COMICS
09/21/03 - The Hopeful Un-Romantic: Session #2
09/21/03 - The Hopeful Un-Romantic: Session #1
09/20/03 - CC221: Your Donkey Brother From Another Mother
09/20/03 - CC211: Penguin and Pencil
09/20/03 - Going Down The 12 Step Program
09/18/03 - Can I Get My Long Island Icetea To Go?
09/17/03 - They Aren't After Me For Me Lucky Charms
09/17/03 - Happiness Comes From HDB
09/11/03 - When You Want To See Your Friends, AIM To Kill
09/10/03 - The International League of Irregular Party People
09/08/03 - A Secret Told Through The Lungs
09/06/03 - Back, And Whiter Than Ever Before
09/05/03 - Why Your Girlfriend Slept With Your Father
09/04/03 - Don't Look Down!
09/01/03 - Prelude To Nowhere (Part 6 END)
09/01/03 - Prelude To Nowhere (Part 5)
09/01/03 - Prelude To Nowhere (Part 4)
09/01/03 - Prelude To Nowhere (Part 3)
09/01/03 - Prelude To Nowhere (Part 2)
09/01/03 - Prelude To Nowhere (Part 1)
08/30/03 - Bullet2020 Solo
08/29/03 - Sex Scene Solo
08/28/03 - Bully and Jeffrey Duet
08/25/03 - Parking Lot and Teacher Duet
08/21/03 - Political Mambo
08/20/03 - Mingling Mambo
08/16/03 - Jon Staccato
08/15/03 - Hammer Staccato
08/14/03 - Beat Down Scale
08/14/03 - Conversation Scale
08/11/03 - Buffet Medley
08/11/03 - Haunting Medley
08/10/03 - The End Is Nigh Samba
08/10/03 - Random Samba
08/07/03 - Awards Shuffle (Part 5 END)
08/07/03 - Awards Shuffle (Part 4)
08/07/03 - Awards Shuffle (Part 3)
08/06/03 - Awards Shuffle (Part 2)
08/06/03 - Awards Shuffle (Part 1)
08/06/03 - Bribery Tango
08/05/03 - On AIM Tango
08/04/03 - Going To Hell In C Minor
08/01/03 - Introduction In C Minor
08/01/03 - Chumley Waltz
07/30/03 - Old Skool Waltz
07/30/03 - Romantic Blues
07/30/03 - College Blues
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The Suicide File
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