All comics by Neohunter

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by Neohunter
9-07-05
Which one caused the apocalypse?!
...
AMERICA. FUCK YEAH
What...what the hell happened?
d00d we pwn3d some n00bs 1337 style!
I guess we'll never know
....
......AMERICA! FUCK YEAH!

 

by Neohunter
9-07-05
The last remaining city in the world
Goddammit Ned, why did you destroy Earth! All that's left is this cliche dystopian society that is being harassed by post-apocalyptic biker gangs who need the fuel inside this city!
Aren't you like some powerful alien deity god thing? Figure it out man...god...deity...thing. What the hell are you?
Hmm...
Hmm?
Hold on, let me check wikipedia.
-_-

 

by Neohunter
9-07-05
While everyone else is rationing food for their new post-apocalyptic enviroment...
You! What are you doing, we need to ration those...wha...that isn't food! ARE THOSE PORNO MAGS?
HEY MAN. BACK OFF. I GOT A GUN. I WILL SHOOT YOU.
...dude are you serious? I'm a fucking deity alien god thing.
So like...if I shoot you, you'll come back to life a few days later or something?
...Do I look like Jesus?
Hmm...no your right, he's much taller. And he sure as hell ain't blue.

 

by Neohunter
9-07-05
Ok Ned, I figured out how we can fix this. All we have to do is go back into the point in time when you decided to destroy the world...for whatever reason...and NOT TOUCH ANYTHING for about 5 minutes.
Alright sounds good. Make it happen pasta man.
Yes, it worked!
Amazing! AMERICA PREVAILS!
Two minutes later
...
AMERICA. FUCK YEAH.

 

by Neohunter
9-07-05
A conversation with Xenos the Robot
I don't know what went wrong Xenos, I freakin transport me and Ned back in time and somehow, the world still ends.
Perhaps it is destiny that has called you here? God has some kind of plan for you?
Cthulhu talks to God
ASSHOLE!
F U
So what happened? You talk to God or something?
Yeah. He's such a dick.

 

by Neohunter
9-07-05
Finally, I find you Cthulhu! And to think, I thought the world ending had done you in. I can complete my mission now and get the mad loot.
Ugh, please, now is not the time.
Holy shit!
UNLCE, IT IS I, REGINALD!
Oh crap, its my nephew...

 

by Neohunter
9-07-05
Ugh, your not gonna believe who's here.
*sigh* Just tell me.
You remember my nephew? He's kind of the reason your a small blue man attached to a blue horse with an American flag added for good measure.
HOLY CRAP, I GOTTA HID-
Hahahahahaha
It'd be nice if he transformed me into my original self for once.

 

by Neohunter
9-08-05
....Your an asshole you know that. A real A-grade asshole.
NED, PLEASE, IT HURTS ME WHEN YOU SAY SUCH THINGS. I'M MERELY MAKING A FUNNY! UNCLE CTHULHU FINDS IT FUNNY.
Well guess what bitch, now the funny's on you. This magic wand can do whatever your stupid gun can do. WATCH THIS.
Huh?
It seems the magic wand could do even more than the gun...
Oh shit
WHAT IS GOING ON?!

 

by Neohunter
9-08-05
Hmm...Xenos, have you seen Ned and Reginald?
Yeah, they were over there dueling each other or something.
Dueling? Ned's a freaking fairy and Reginald's an illegal alien! Do they even seem like they can duel each other in anything that is remotely possible?
Hey buddy, I'm just telling you what I saw ok. I'm a fucking robot, not a goddamn camera. First they were there and then they just disappeared into thin air, ok?
Are you fuckin' serious? GODDAMMIT NED, I TOLD YOU NOT TO USE THAT WAND. I need to find a phonebooth, come on.
OH BOY AN ADVENTURE! Let me make sure my camera feature that's on 24/7 is working. I wanna relive this adventure forever ^_^.

 

by Neohunter
9-08-05
April 23rd, 3862 A.H. (After Humans)
Jesus, my head...
YOU! CITIZEN! WHAT...what are you? My scanner doesn't detect any circuitry...MEATBAG. TAKE HIM TO THE PRISON WITH THE OTHER ONE!
NED! I FOUND YOU. QUICK USE YOUR WAND AND GET US OUT OF HERE.
The damn robots broke it. AND STOP YELLING. IM RIGHT IN FUCKING FRONT OF YOU. JESUS H. CHRIST.
Ok. Uncle Cthulhu told me the only way of getting through to you was by yelling, using as little and as simple words as possible. You know, so you could understand.
Your uncle's a dick, no joke. You too. Your whole family actually. Buncha dicks. Man, I can't wait till you two meet my family one day.

 

by Neohunter
9-08-05
Explain to me how finding a phone booth is gonna help us find Ned and Reginald.
Haven't you ever seen Dr. Who?
Well no actually, can't say that I did.
...
Don't fucking talk to me.

 

by Neohunter
9-08-05
Back in the future...
I'm telling you man, the government's lying to us. They totally have like alien spacecraft in Area-51.
Dude, are you serious? The United States had a government?
Hahahhaha
Snap, +5 for political joke.
...Joke? I was being serious. Did they really have a government?

 

by Neohunter
9-08-05
Cthulhu, I found a phone!
What the hell...
This...this is just a phone. We need a phone booth
Hey buddy, you wanna stop crowding me? And if your wondering about a phone booth, I just killed the last phone booth in the world.
Why would you...
And then I ate his body.

 

by Neohunter
9-08-05
So Mr. Phone, can you transport me to where Ned and Reginald are?
Listen Mr. Spaghetti boy, I don't fucking know you or your goddamn stupid ass motherfucking shit-faced cock master friends. Go fuck yourself and die.
Dude, what the hell? Your a fucking phone, your gonna do what I tell you. And...and where the hell did all the hostility come from? Goddamn, I'm not asking you break your back here. Ass.
Hey alright you fucking shit cock master cunt fuck. I'm not here to fucking entertain you shithead granger rattle motherfucker.
Alright fuck this. I'll just use some of super alien deity god powers.
AHHHHHH!

 

by Neohunter
9-08-05
I feel funny...
Ned?! Where's Reginald? And Xenos!?
Do you have any idea how annoying your nephew is? DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA AT ALL?
Back in the future...again
I'm eating wheat thins and they are delicious.

 

by Neohunter
9-09-05
How are we going to get them back?!
WE'RE NOT GOING TO. REGINALD IS GONNA STAY THERE FOR THE REST OF HIS LIFE.
What about Xenos?
Screw him. I never liked him anyway. Fucking liberal and his hating of America.
GET IT THROUGH YOUR HEAD. THIS IS THE APOCALYPSE. AMERICA DOESN'T EXIST ANYMORE.
WTF, your a liberal too? Goddamn, I'm surronded by liberals!

 

by Neohunter
9-09-05
Oh shit, the raiders are...raiding the city! Quick, use your wand and teleport us out of here.
I just fixed it! And I only have a little magic in it left. I wanna turn myself back into my original self thank you!
WE ARE GOING TO DIE. TRANSPORT US BACK TO THE PRESENT NOW.
Hold on, hold on. I think I got enough for both. Just lemme change-
What the fuck man? WHAT. THE. FUCK. AND WHERE'S MY WAND?
You can't do anything right, gawd!

 

by Neohunter
9-09-05
Ahh!
Ahh!!
Aw man, what's going on...
Greetings, Cthulhu
Who...who are you? And where's Ned?
I am everything and nothing. Nothing...and everything...Oh and Ned's Dead. He's dead. Forever.

 

by Neohunter
9-09-05
What the hell's going on blue man!
You and I are the only beings alive. We are no longer in the universe. We are no longer apart of it. The universe...no longer exists.
...Mind explaining more? I'm a supreme deity alien god, not a philosopher. Or a cook. See, my last wife, she always-
Ok ok, I don't need a life story. I already know it. You see, Cthulhu, I created you, the universe, and everything else in it.
...your God?
Do I look like an asshole? My name is unimportant. But...everyone just calls me Jimbo. And sometimes Ted...for some reason. Either of those are fine.

 

by Neohunter
9-09-05
So what do you want with me Jim...bo?
You are the one I picked to rebuild the universe with me. All the other supreme gods died long ago. You are the last of their kind.
So...what do I do?
Nothing really. Just think in your mind of a perfect world and how you wish things could be and with my universe infinite powers, it will be done.
*Thinks*
Yeah uhh...a perfect world not involving a legion of concubines obeying your every sexual desire, kthx.

 

by Neohunter
9-09-05
Hello, Dave.
Huh? A luxury suite and a talking computer? I totally read this in a sci-fi novel.../movie. And my name's not Dave, its Cthulhu, perhaps you've heard of me? Supreme god deity alien thing?
I'm afraid I can't do that Dave.
Stop calling me Dave! Where the hell's Ted? This isn't what I was thinking of!
DAISY. DAISY.
Goddammit.

 

by Neohunter
9-09-05
Uhhh, is it morning already?

 

by Neohunter
9-10-05
Uh yeah, 911?
Yes?
Yeah, hi, uhh...I woke up this morning...and uhh...there's a frozen man in my room.
You said...a frozen man?
Yes. A frozen man.
Well...I guess our frozen man investigation task force won't be useless. We'll send a police officer right over.

 

by Neohunter
9-10-05
So, where's the frozen man?
He's in the back.
Yeah, here he is.
...Wow, he's really frozen. I thought you were lying. And I'd have to shoot you. I mean, I'll be honest. I only came because I was authorized to shoot you. In the face. With a magnum.

 

by Neohunter
9-12-05
So uhh, you gonna melt him or take him away or...what.
No sir, we don't do that. We investigate, not...interact. I mean, our division is a joke for chrissakes. Your the first case. Ever.
So what the fuck am I gonna do with a frozen man in my room!
Honestly? I don't know. Sexual intercourse if you get lonely, I don't know what you crazy kids do these days. Good-bye.
The fuck.

 

by Neohunter
9-16-05
Aw finally, unfrozen.
Holy crap! Who are you man?
Dude, please. Keep the voice down. I've been frozen for over 2 millenia or so, ok? Just shut the fuck up for 10 seconds.
....

 

by Neohunter
9-16-05
Man, thanks for buying me that drink. Haven't had a white russian...well I've never had one before ever. Mighty damn good drink.
Yeah uhh...you still haven't told me who you are and why you were frozen in my room.
Well basically, I don't know, there's this book, Divine Comedy or something, and some guy named Virgil leads Dante through the the inferno or something.
I think I get it...God sent you down here to help me through life and stuff right?
Not really. Satan sent me up here to help you find green tea. He heard you sold your soul for an infinite amount of green tea and...well, I'm bound to helping you find green tea. Forever -_-.

 

by Neohunter
9-22-05
So what the hell man? I gotta buy you clothes now? wtf.
Yeah you do. I gotta find you green tea for the rest of your life. You think I'm happy?
Alright, alright. Nothing to pricey.
Hmm...these seem nice...be right back
5 minutes later...
So, whatcha think?
THATS THE SAME EXACT CLOTHES YOU ALREADY OWN!

 

by Neohunter
9-24-05
My girlfriend's dead?! How...how can this be? She was the only thing I loved...
Hey, chill it out buddy. That's what happens in the game of life. She rolled a 5 and got hit by a bus. I passed go and collected 200 dollars.
I can't believe this :(. Today was our anniversary.
Meh, don't worry about it. If she lived, she would've cheated on you two years from now with me. And you would've chopped us both into tiny pieces. I'm gonna go watch TV. Your dreamgirl's out there.
Later that day...
Hi, I'm Beatrice, your new neighbor.
YES!

 

by Neohunter
9-24-05
Hey Virgil, you ever meet Jesus?
Jesus of Nazareth? Ugh, don't even get me started with that asshole.
YO. YO VIRGIL. DUDE. OH MY DAD. OH. MY. DAD. I FUCKING PWNED THESE FUCKING NOOBIES IN HALO 2 ON XBOX LIVE AND I WAS LIKE "EAT SHIT BITCHES W00T" AND I THREW UP THE HORNS AND EVERYTHING.
Oh dude your in that clan, the Holy Trinity right? You, your dad, and that pale guy right? The one we call Casper? Yo, you think I could be in the clan.
LOL. DUDE. ARE YOU SERIOUS? IS HE SERIOUS? I THINK HE'S SERIOUS. YOU FUCKING SUCK AT HALO 2. I SAW YOU. I WAS LIKE "WOW YOU FUCKING SUCK QQ BITCHES LMAO ROFL WAFFLES."
SHUT THE FUCK UP AND NAIL YOURSELF TO A CROSS.

 

by Neohunter
9-29-05
Whoa, where the fuck am I?
Whoa, who the fuck are you? And how did you get into my house?
Earlier...
Would you like to play chess, Dave?
No, you always win asshole!
Damn super intelligent AI self-aware computer unit.
I don't even wanna know.

 

by Neohunter
9-30-05
There's an effing alien thing in my room! And he's blue!
Oh snap, Cthulhu came! Man, that guy is one of the funniest people I ever met. I told him to hit me up one day...I think that was 3421 years ago. He's some kind of super alien god thing.
So there's a fucking super alien god in my living room? Jesus Christ, what's fucking next.
Hehe, your gonna be pissed when you see who else I invitied.
Oh what the hell, YOU again? I thought you fucking died. And look at that, you still have those goddamn porno mags.
Aw wtf, its Jesus.

 

by Neohunter
10-03-05
YO COCK BLOCK. GET THE HELL OUT OF MY HOUSE.
Cock block? What is with all the goddamn hostility? Everywhere I go, you got someone...or something yelling obscenities at me for no reason as if I raped their mothers and killed their fathers.
...
Yeah, I'll leave don't worry. *Leaves*
You too, get out of my house!
Is Jesus gone?

 

by Neohunter
10-07-05
Alright listen, I'm going out for a bit. I need you to watch the house. Do you got that? Do you understand you have to watch the house?
Yeah, yeah, whatever. Bring beer.
Three hours later...
HOLY CRAP! WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO MY HOUSE?
I see you didn't bring beer.
DUDE. MY FUCKING HOUSE. WHERE THE HELL IS IT.
The hell are you babbling about...HOLY CRAP. WHERE'S YOUR HOUSE?

 

by Neohunter
10-23-05
Hey, you're that famous philosopher guy! Aw man, everyone said you found the meaning to life and everything!
That's correct. That I did. I transcended time and space and became one with the universe for a full hour. I then realized the meaning of our existence.
And...?
And what?
The meaning man! What's the meaning!
...Coffee.

 

by Neohunter
10-24-05
Sigh...
What's wrong big guy.
I was talking to this guy who knew the meaning to life and he said it was coffee. You believe that? Just coffee. How meaningless. Our lives are for nothing.
That's not true. Look at our history and the things we've accomplished. Humans may not last forever, but we've got to make the best of it all. The things you do now will dictate our future.
Wha...what the hell. When did you become a philosopher?
Let's just say I beat all three Metal Gear Solid's today...and watched American Beauty...and a few David Lynch films...Waking Life...read some Aristotle, topped it off with Huckabees. Got high too.

 

by Neohunter
7-18-06
Oh man...what kind of green tea did you give me man?
Don't bother me when I'm playing Knights of the Ol...green tea? You wanted green tea?
Dude, I'm seeing weird colors and everything's distorted...yet everything makes sense...
Oh man you know what? That wasn't green tea, that was Absinthe.
ABSINTHE? YOU SAID IT WAS EUROPEAN GREEN TEA! And what the hell..YOUR NOT VIRGIL
Of course, I am what're you talking about...how much of that Absinthe did you drink?

 

by Neohunter
7-19-06
So what movie are we seeing now?
A Scanner Darkly.
Isn't that the movie where like Keanu Reeves goes back in time to find Albert Einstein to do his math homework or something?
What...you're thinking of the Bill and Ted movies...and that didn't even happen in those movies. SHIT. I just realized they aren't playing Scanner Darkly.
Guess that means we have to see...LITTLE MAN. WOOO!
GET FUCKED.

 

by Neohunter
7-21-06
Can you believe this? Middle East is turning into World War III.
They've been at war there since before I was even born. You wanna see war, you should've seen the crusades. Left and right, people killing for Jesus or Allah.
You were alive during the crusades?
Shit, I was the master crusader.
I find that a bit hard to believe. What exactly did you do during the crusades?
Whatever the opposite of crusading is.

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