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| Doug, I love you man, but you can't threaten children like that. | |
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| Aw c'mon Phil, it was a fake axe. Besides, that little girl deserved it. She said I wasn't fit to lick the ass of Kenneth Branagh. I love Kenneth Branagh! | |
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| Doug, why did you even decide to become a children's librarian? Do you even like kids? | |
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| Hell no! But I love to read and I'm a big kid at heart, so it seemed like a perfect fit to me. | |
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| You only read comic books and you're a thirty four year old man that lives with his mom. . | |
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| Don't make me pick up that axe again, Phil. | |
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