Poopachuse  

I've been sitting here for hours now, and still nothing has popped up from this grave. Though it has given me a chance to contemplate my existence...

Why am I here? What does this all mean? Why don't I have a girlfriend? What the hell is this phallus-shaped thing on my head?

I just want to die.

Let me eat your brains, you self-loathing penishead!