Who are you, and why the hell are you in the women's restroom?
I am your toilet concierge... I will escort you to your seat, and help you choose your bath-room tissue. We have three types of fragrances for your convienience.
This all seems kind of FISHY... What else do you do?
I help wipe your ass, then do a visual inspection to make sure there are no shards of paper up in your crack. If, so, I'll remove them with my tongue and-
