All comics by TableTopFetus

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by TableTopFetus
3-09-03
Meanwhile, in the CrackHouse of Ideas...
Bill my friend, have I got some hip and swinging notions for you!
Speak my puppet.
how about we bring back dr. strange, but now he's addicted to horse tranquilizers and Wong is gay?
Not too shabby...say, would it be too much to ask if Clea comes back and she moonlights in the porn world under the name "Clea McCrevice"?
...you have Mark Millar's number?
On speed-dial, BOO-YAH!

 

by TableTopFetus
3-09-03
TRUTH and Canteloupes.
ARRRR! So ye be thinkin' about smokin' marijuana eh? ARRR! Let me tell you something, 1 out of every 3 auto accidents involved pot!
Umm...Excuse me! Sorry, couldn't help but over hear, but you do realize the other 2 in that equation were DRUNK right?
ARRR...wait, hold up a second, arent' you a talking cigarette? Raul, am I missing some of the script?
Raul, don't you answer him. Goddammit Raul, if you so much as blink at him I will punch you in the throat.
That's IT, I am SO done w/this commercial. Raul, get some of those pansy college kids to do your schtick...
Another victory for Big Tobacco! Raul, Drinks are on me!

 

by TableTopFetus
3-09-03
*subject changed prior to broadcast
...so you see, Queen of the Damned wasn't so much a flawed movie, as it's source material just wasn't right for film adaptation.
WOOOOO!
...You've got to be kidding me, I mean other than the out-of-style goth culture Anne Rice panders too, who can forgive her tired, elongated narration style?
I tell ya somethin', man, when you're on the top, WOO! you never see the bottom coming man, but WOO! BAM! it hits you and brother, it hurts. It hurts like a Steamboat Chop, WOO!
I can't agree with that, you and your leftist ilk have made this country a mockery. I'm ashamed that people like you are allowed to be citizens here.
IT'S SPACE MOUNTAIN TIME! Woo! I might be the oldest ride in the park, but I still got the longest lines, WOOOOOO!

 

by TableTopFetus
3-09-03
We join our hero as he approaches a coastal area
At last, I find myself in the 21st century! What marvels will my primitive 19th century mind behold!?
Greetings, and welcome to Zack Island, home of the Dead Or Alive Extreme Beach Volleyball Tournement! I'm Hitomi, and you are?
Oh-ho! Trouble afoot!
Why I'm Time Travellin' Civil War General, and I've come to see what amazing advances you have in the 21st century!
Well, I guess these two could be called marvels...anyways, you might wanna chuck that flag, Lisa's real sensitive.
Oh Time Travellin' Civil War General, will you ever learn?
but i really don't know why, no body here really knows what she is. I mean, it's not something we talk about...
Sweet Jesus! Look at the funbags on that Tina gal, later toots!

 

by TableTopFetus
3-09-03
On the road, I tell ya, me and Double A used to run this whole game w/the horsemen, WOOO!
Are you worth it? Let me search it. Put my thing down flip it and reverse it.
you wanna pay the price? You wanna pay the price of the wrestling lifestyle? Then brother, to be the man, you gotta beat the man.
Beep Beep, who got the keys to da' jeep?
At this point I would usually mention that I'm a leer-jet flying, limosuine riding, kiss stealing son of a gun. Then I would also like to add that I kiss all the girls and make them cry. Woo.
...and I would be thinking the words to a Missy Elliot song in my head. Ric Flair's Chicken, I think I love you.

 

by TableTopFetus
9-10-03
What's this? Our heroes, captured by the diabolical Sexorcisto!?!
Pssst! Kid, hey kid. Come over here a minute.
You're not one of those talking dogs that bamboozles my mind with thoughts of killing my neighbors are you?
Who? Me? Nah kid, that ain't my bag. Now listen, there's a sweet Abe Lincoln for you if youse deliver this message to my pals on the outside.
Five bucks!?! I'm young, stupid, and don't know the value of American currency, sure I'll do it!
some times, de gags, they fall apart, no?
Good. Now tell Sammy the Bedwetter, "GODDAMN this kid stinks like raw fishnuts, I thought you'd appreciate him for your traveling cornocopia of human oddities."
You got it champ!

 

by TableTopFetus
9-10-03
It is I! the diabolical Sexorcisto! You were doomed the moment you stepped on Qward, You Fool!
Must resist...asian charm...must summon...tech support!
Using his telepathic powers, Jesus calls upon Herschel Picklefeather, holder of the MCSE.
What the? Jesus! I'll get you...you...slippery savior! I dub you King...of the fools! I must survive to fight another day!
hi, I'm Herschel.
well boss, looks like we did it again!
Great, now would you please, GET ME FUCKING DOWN FROM HERE!

 

by TableTopFetus
9-10-03
sometimes, hastily drawn characters have to throw down.
WOOOOOO! It's the man, YOU CAME TO SEE! Woo! It's da naitcha-boy, and i'm here, i'm here brother, to paint this town in my favorite hue, crimson mask.
AAAR! Ye be one of them rasslers, ain't ye, Nature Chicken! Do ye happen to know a man by the name of Tugboat?
Oh-ho! Now our epic confrontation has moved to a location more advantageous to the Cap'n! Heavens, me!
man, I tell ya, I seen a million faces on the road, and ain't a damn one of them uglier than yours, BRUTHA! WOOOOOOO!
Well, matey, I'm flattered but, I ain't on the menu at me floating brothel over thar, Captain Gruntass' Floating House of Pleasure and Genital Warts.
Much later that evening...
. . .So then, before Goldberg press-slammed me I said, "Remember Bill, I'm a middle aged man."
Aye, but what happened to me laddie Captain Mike Rotunda after I sank his wee dingy?

 

by TableTopFetus
9-10-03
Oh jesus, how fucking low have i sunk to be in a stripcreator comic....let me see the script here...so what are your rates again?
$20 for a Mississippi Ham Sandwich, $30 for a Arby's Knuckle Drop Soup, and $1 for the Coucamonga Season Opener
Coucamonga Season Opener? What's that? Please tell me while I prepare my hot robot cock for coitus.
Well, i get in this position, and then you use your tool like a SNK Super Combo Move on me.
That's stupid. God, aren't people content with themselves enough to the point where they don't have to make up a stupid fetish to appear more interesting?!
The Antarctic Rim Job w/a Marty Janetty Belgian Waffle is only 50 cents.

 

by TableTopFetus
12-10-06
RFCSI: Miami
WOOOOOO, I'm back, I got no lips but baby, you best be ready, because legs ain't the only thing I lock, WOOOOOOOOO!!!!
*whew*, about time you got here chief, anyways, looks like we got a double homicide and no witnesses. Oh, and this salad I brought from home. I just feel more comfortable having it.
WOOOO ARE YOU? WOO WOO, WOO WOO.
Lemme tell ya, I seen a lotta men come and go in this business, and BABY, only one man's beat them all...WOOOO!
Hey chief, Gay Dracula here, I sent a few bone fragments back down to HQ for analysis. And I SWEAR I had no idea about your wife.
Having nothing else to do, Ric Flair's Chicken plays "Good RFC/Bad RFC" in his mind.
...to be the man...have to beat...the man...woo...leer jet flying...yeah...woo. should i retire? I'm 57 years old. The fur coats chafe...
30 years...what did they all mean? All the broken promises and lies...I never took my son to a baseball game...BUT I SHOVED THAT BAT UP STING'S ASS DADDY! WOOOOO!

 

by TableTopFetus
12-10-06
Epilogue-
Time Travellin' Civil War General, that's me, has made it through the time tunnel just in time for the 2nd Dead Or Alive Xtreme Volleyball Tournement! Boo-yah!
Hi, I'm supposed to be Tina or something.
Curiouser and Curiouser...
...wait, I thought all you girls were supposed to be squeaky anime dolls that I could play dress up with. By that I mean progressively sluttier outfits. Boobs.
DOA4 didn't do so hot at retail, but for some reason EGM won't stop cumming over Virtua Fighter. Figured if we were less sexy someone might notice our fun game play.
I mean really, Virtua Fighter could be sold in a plain white package that says "Fighter" on it, and no one would be none the wiser. But since we got boobs, everyone looks kinda down on us...
Yeah, life is hard. Lisa's the one with the sluttiest suits right? Marmalade my steed, set a course for Gemstone Suite, AND DON'T HOLD THE MUSTARD!!! WHEE!!!

 

by TableTopFetus
12-10-06
*RING RING* Hello, are you there Batman? Gotham's in dire need of the services of the Dark Knight detective!
*sigh*, Commisioner, you're praying again, you have to pick up the phone to call Batman.
Oh gosh and begorra, I keep doing this. You don't happen to have his number do you?
Yeah, look in the phone book under "W". Ha, sorry, inside joke.
Um...OK then. Well, I need to call him, or at least get one of his teammates to help. Maybe that sweet BatGirl. That costume looks poured on her...like the skin of a grape and twice as sweet.
Should I tell him...ah screw it. I need to find a way OFF OF THIS ****ING THING.

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