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Dramatis Personae
Andy Dougan film critic extraordinaire. Enjoys illegal pornography and biscuits.
Russell Crowe actor and poet. Husband to a trophy wife. Father to a trophy son.
Huw Edwards BBC news anchor. The Hunky Face of TeatimeÂ®.
George W. Bush President. Defended the whorehouses of Houston from the Viet Cong.
Christian Slater certifiable actor. The id to Crowe's ego.
Osama and Mullah Omar fugitives. Kandahar's answer to Bert and Ernie.

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Inside the mind of a Tory

by andydougan
8-06-01

Kenneth Clarke, Conservative leadership hopeful, on the campaign trail


	If I become Prime Minister, I may re-introduce student grants.


	Note the "may". I put that in because I have no intention whatsoever of reintroducing grants, and am only lying to fool idiots like you.


	I'm sold! You have my vote!


	I love being in a party whose members are all senile...


	Uh oh, I think I put Tiddles in the microwave again...

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andydougan
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