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| Hello, can I speak to Mr Dougan, please? | |
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| Right. I'm calling from HarperCollins about your recent job interview. The long and short of it is, you cunted it up. We'd rather employ Derry Irvine's receded scrotum. And then lick the scrotum. | |
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| Wow! That's the best feedback I've ever had from a job application. I used to think you Murdoch guys were kind of Nazis, but I had you all wrong! | |
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| Based on your performance, our most fervent hope is that you and all those dear to you will have nails hammered into your soft palates until you die. | |
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